[wheeler]

I was wondering how 'normal' it is to feel cared for by their T. Do others feel cared for by their T? And how important, if at all, is that in your therapy? How does it differ than how you feel in your other relationships ?

For me I think it's something I strive for. And that's new for me

[stopdog]

I do not feel cared for by the therapist. It would not be, for me, an appropriate thing for the therapist to do. I want them to stay back.

I believe therapists think clients feel cared for by them a lot of the time.

When I do feel cared for by my T it's warm and helps me feel safe. However, when im ambivalent and keeping walls up it's destructive and only hurts me.

I do think it's important to feel cared for by our T's. It's a huge factor of validation for me concerning my experiences and trauma.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by wheeler

I was wondering how 'normal' it is to feel cared for by their T. Do others feel cared for by their T? And how important, if at all, is that in your therapy? How does it differ than how you feel in your other relationships ?

For me I think it's something I strive for. And that's new for me

I feel cared for by both my T and marriage counselor, though it took some time for me to feel that way with them--it certainly wasn't immediate. They've both actually told me they care, too (that also wasn't right away), and I can tell they mean it. Once I was upset with MC and said he only cared about me because I paid him to. And he said that I could pay him to do his job, but I couldn't pay him to care--like that's his choice.

It's not just about what they say but about what they do, too. In my case, giving me support outside of session at times when I've needed it, whether by e-mail, text, or phone call. (I know not all T's do that, and if a T doesn't, that doesn't mean they don't care.) Really listening to me and trying to understand. And just showing the caring in their eyes, voice, and body language.

It does feel different from other current relationships in my life, including my relationship with my H and daughter. Probably because the T devotes a particular chunk of time a week just to focusing on me (or me and H, in the case of MC). I don't, in theory, have to worry about their needs. In that way, it feels more like a parent-child relationship (which is likely why I have maternal and paternal transference for T and MC, respectively). And just the feeling that they accept me, no matter what I tell them--my parents were/are less accepting of me, though I know they love me. So to get that sort of unconditional acceptance from T and MC is very healing to me and makes me feel safe, though I still have abandonment fears. And need reassurance from them at times.

Hope that's the sort of answer you wanted!

[atisketatasket]

I think most therapists want you to feel cared for. However, the two therapists who have told me they "genuinely" cared then ended up making huge mistakes and hurting me quite badly. So, I prefer not to be cared for.

[wheeler]

My t and I talked about this a lot last night, especially as it relates to hugs. I feel it maybe strange and 'inappropriate' to expect or want to feel cared about by her. My t thinks that it's absolutely necessary.

I personally wouldn't work with a therapist if I didn't feel some sense of caring or connection (and I think more of connection than caring I guess). I can remember one therapist I tried who was pretty much like talking to a fence post. Just no connection which basically came across as I was just his 4:00 client and he really had no investment in working with me. I don't mean I expect a therapist to fawn all over me and mother me either; it's just a matter of getting the impression that they give a ****. The therapists I have worked with long-term have all cared about how I was doing, how they could assist and support me, and how they could help me in reaching my goals.

[InnerPeace111]

I definitely feel cared for by my T. It is extremely important to me to feel cared for by a T. I wouldn't remain with a therapist if I felt she didn't care. I also need to have the feeling that my T believes in me...that she believes I can do hard things...that she believes I can heal.

[stopdog]

I guess I don't see what them caring has to do with me getting the information I am seeking

I feel cared for by my t. she loves me and tells me that often.

My XT genuinely cared deeply for me, until she didn't. She proved it in ways when she did by unlimited out of sesssion contact at no additional charge. Offered to go to a few medical doctor appointments with me when I was ill. Told me she cared. Had tears one time when I spoke about trauma.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by wheeler

I was wondering how 'normal' it is to feel cared for by their T. Do others feel cared for by their T? And how important, if at all, is that in your therapy? How does it differ than how you feel in your other relationships ?

For me I think it's something I strive for. And that's new for me

I don't know what cared for means. Is it the same as cared about? For some reason, it feels more personal.

Anyway. I don't know. I think my therapist cares about me, but I don't have any way to quantify or qualify it. It's important to me that a therapist doesn't feel uncaring toward me. As for other relationships, there would be my dog, and I definitely don't think he really cares about me all that much, except when it's food time, but I am still crazy about him.

[Nammu]

I'd like a T who cares but not one that was trying to care take me.

[TrailRunner14]

I feel that my counselor cares for me in a therapeutic way. He genuinely, I think, cares how I'm doing physically and emotionally when I meet with him. If I do feel that things are on the verge of being "off" he walks me back to center and helps me to sort things out. Looking at it from that perspective, it's very comforting to know that he does care. I don't think I could work with someone who had no care for me.

Other relationships that I am involved in, in the real world, are with people who mainly care about me if it benefits them. Because I'm realizing that, I really don't have any really trusting personal relationships.

[kecanoe]

My ts all care about me. I like what LTs t said, I can pay them to do their job, but not to care. They all keep it within professional bounds, but none of them is dishonest enough to pretend they care when they don't. I think it is normal to care about people who take the risk to be honest with me, and I think they do the same.

[growlycat]

I don't think I could see a t who doesn't care about me. Caring for me seems like a more active gesture, like the time he made tea for me or hugged me. Caring about is expected for me but caring for is above and beyond. Frankly I want both but only expect the first.

I like that T cares. Cares enough to be real. That underpins the work we do.

[MobiusPsyche]

My T has said several times that she cares deeply for me. She shows it by being accepting of me and all the pooh I bring with me. I don't see a difference between caring for and caring about but that's just my experience.

[precaryous]

I feel cared for by my T. She has said she has caring and protective feelings for me.
It's important to me in my therapy to feel the T cares.

Therapy can be a more intimate relationship (for me) than going to my dentist or even my family doctor. Yet, I want those doctors to be professionally and emotionally invested, to an extent, in my treatment, as well.

[luvnola]

T cares about me, same as with her other clients. She has said she couldn't work with anyone she didn't care about. Can't really imagine how someone who didn't care about people could go into the profession. (though from reading and experience, I know they do).

Caring in other rel'ships is different. The caring is deeper and based on experiencing the person. What I mean, in a t rel'ship the t only gets a glimpse of my life. She only gets the stuff I share, which may be stuff I have only ever shared with her (like csa), but there is so much more to me and my life that my friends see and share in day in and day out. And my caring of them is different than my caring for t. I care about t, but I basically know nothing about her everyday life. Nothing about her impacts me emotionally. I don't share her ups and downs, so the caring is not as deep or as meaningful, I think, as caring for people in my daily life.