What do you wish you could find?

You know, this is a great question. I have googled my Ts quite a bit to find info about them, but until you asked I hadn't thought much about it. There actually isn't anything in particular I would want to know. It's really more about me seeking a connection between sessions than wanting any specific information about her. Same with my previous long term T.

I would want evidence that she's happy -- that she's dating someone she loves or that she has a four-legged best friend or something. I guess it would be hard to know if she is happy or not. But if I could google *anything* it would be that.

I'd want to know my T's personal Christian beliefs. I come from a denomination of fundamentalist Christianity which more progressive denominations have called fringe and extreme. This denomination is very right-wing and believes they should enforce their morality and way of life onto others by law, including onto people who don't believe as they do. My personal value system is very very opposite what I was raised to have as moral values.

Yet, the beliefs of my former denomination is relatively common in my sphere of life, in my workplace and family life, and I've even had my ex psychiatrist (in a secular mental health system!) say he believed in some of its tenets such as reparative therapy for LGBT such as myself.

While I know not all Christians follow the tenets of my former denomination, I don't know who to trust unless we have a frank discussion about personal values and personal beliefs around certain social justice issues.

I haven't been able to have such a discussion with my T because she keeps redirecting me whenever I try to enquire about the Christianity she practices. She keeps telling me not to get so hung up onto the fact that she is a practicing Christian.

I know she's entitled to whatever her personal beliefs are, but I don't feel I can be safe unless I know some of what they are. I don't know if I'm overreacting but the fear and mistrust is a big thing with me.

I trusted my psychiatrist until he told me aspects of his personal value system when I opened up to him about certain issues concerning my identity as a person and behaviors which are socially taboo in my former denomination. I'm really afraid my T will prove similar and my trust will be proven wrong.

Welp, I'm really scared about being judged for what I wrote above. I felt pretty harshly judged not long ago when I posted in a somewhat similar topic about my T and my psychiatrist and their beliefs about my sexual orientation in terms of MT mental health care.

I'd also want to know a bit of her personal life in some detail such as through a blog or something. I'd like to know she's human, because she comes across as too perfect, with an envious life and rich interpersonal relationships as well as being upper middle class in a well off family.

I don't think there is anything specific. The googling is more about the connection for me. Now that I think about it I would like to know T's date of birth. I can roughly guess how old she is based on her appearance but I would like to know specifically. I also want to know if my T sees her own therapist and what she talks about there. I know that is not something that could ever be found on Google but since this is pretend I thought I'd mention it

The things I wish I knew aren't googleable. They are why's about his circumstances or choices.