[nottrustin]

If you Google your T what type of information do you wish you could find but haven't been able to?

I wish I could the name of the book that was dedicated to her. Years ago the person who she was dating dedicated the book he wrote to her.

Information/ picture of her mom her step-dad was pretty famous and was great to her. However, her mom was not and T has told me a few things so I have a picture in my head of what she looks like...but would love to compare.

[awkwardlyyours]

Whether she's happy.

[junkDNA]

I don't have a desire to find anything out by that method. My T is pretty much an open book

[WrkNPrgress]

I was very curious about what most recent her ex-husband looked like and who that actually was. I finally found an image of him. I guess I'm still curious about what the first husband was like or if she has a boyfriend currently, but I'm letting that go.

I've done all the 'googling' I need to do. I need to refocus my energies on me.

[Argonautomobile]

It would be cool if I google'd my T and discovered he had a private practice on the side where I could see him more than once every 4-12 weeks.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

It would be cool if I google'd my T and discovered he had a private practice on the side where I could see him more than once every 4-12 weeks.

But then wouldn't you be offended if he hadn't told you?

I would want to know what No. 3 was under psychiatric care for earlier in her life.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

But then wouldn't you be offended if he hadn't told you?

I would want to know what No. 3 was under psychiatric care for earlier in her life.

I would have assumed it was a clinic policy thing. "Thou shalt not poach clients for thine own monetary gain" or whatever.

But, yes, now that you mention it I probably would be offended. As a matter of fact, I recently learned that the clinic offers group sessions and, even though I've no interest in group, my immediate reaction was offense.

As in, "What?! He never told me that. Does he think I don't play nicely with others?! Of course I do. People love me. I'll show him. I'll be so likeable he pukes!" Hahaha.

I'd wonder what No. 3 had psychiatric care for, too.

[awkwardlyyours]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I would have assumed it was a clinic policy thing. "Thou shalt not poach clients for thine own monetary gain" or whatever.

But, yes, now that you mention it I probably would be offended. As a matter of fact, I recently learned that the clinic offers group sessions and, even though I've no interest in group, my immediate reaction was offense.

As in, "What?! He never told me that. Does he think I don't play nicely with others?! Of course I do. People love me. I'll show him. I'll be so likeable he pukes!" Hahaha.

I'd wonder what No. 3 had psychiatric care for, too.

Haha...you know, I had the opposite reaction when current T, former T and a potential T all suggested group therapy (in addition to individual therapy). I was like "Can you not see what a unique, precious, one-in-a-gazillion snowflake I am that you dare suggest I go mix with the plebeians for something as awful as group therapy?".

Of course, then I did the mature thing and used my words to respond to them as follows --
To former T: Over my dead body, will I ever do group.

To current T: (I didn't know her well enough then) Thank you so much -- that's an awfully thoughtful suggestion (that I have no intention of ever following up on and further may consider you a moron for mentioning it).

To potential T: That's so interesting. Byeeeee.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

Haha...you know, I had the opposite reaction when current T, former T and a potential T all suggested group therapy (in addition to individual therapy). I was like "Can you not see what a unique, precious, one-in-a-gazillion snowflake I am that you dare suggest I go mix with the plebeians for something as awful as group therapy?".

Of course, then I did the mature thing and used my words to respond to them as follows --
To former T: Over my dead body, will I ever do group.

To current T: (I didn't know her well enough then) Thank you so much -- that's an awfully thoughtful suggestion (that I have no intention of ever following up on and further may consider you a moron for mentioning it).

To potential T: That's so interesting. Byeeeee.

Because I work in an IOP program I once told her that I don't know how my clients do it. She straight up told me I would note do well in group therapy. First of all I am to private so I would clam up. Also I care to much about others and would become a caregiver to the group rather than dealing with my own issues.

[awkwardlyyours]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Because I work in an IOP program I once told her that I don't know how my clients do it. She straight up told me I would note do well in group therapy. First of all I am to private so I would clam up. Also I care to much about others and would become a caregiver to the group rather than dealing with my own issues.

Thanks -- that totally makes sense and glad your T got that about you.

Just in case it wasn't totally obvious, I was being facetious in my earlier post. My problem is that I have a really hard time dealing with groups of any size and type (which is partly why one of the Ts suggested that I do group therapy).

[AllHeart]

Due to the excessive boundary crossings of ex-t, I don't want to know a single thing about my new t. I don't plan to Google new t at all.

[Elio]

A few more pics, well 1 more pick of just t that I like. I have only found 3. The "professional" one of her I don't care for and the other 2 have other people in them and sort of feel odd using those as a reminder of what t looks like.

[growlycat]

I want to know a couple of new things about Kashi but I want him to tell me. I don't want to google these things.

I want to know what happened to him as a kid. He has alluded to abuse and wondering if it is CSA?

I also feel like there is something about himself he isn't telling me. He still comes across as gay or bisexual. But he is married to a woman with kids. Was he a bisexual guy who picked a side? Somethings up but I don't know what. I just want to understand him. If he has an unusual marital arrangement or ?? Maybe he can better help someone like me. I guess I'm straight but have so many issues in that department maybe it needs another label. Also this gut feeling that he isn't straight has been driving me crazy. I have no idea why it would even matter. He's a lovable guy

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I also feel like there is something about himself he isn't telling me. He still comes across as gay or bisexual. But he is married to a woman with kids. Was he a bisexual guy who picked a side? Somethings up but I don't know what. I just want to understand him. If he has an unusual marital arrangement or ?? Maybe he can better help someone like me. I guess I'm straight but have so many issues in that department maybe it needs another label. Also this gut feeling that he isn't straight has been driving me crazy. I have no idea why it would even matter. He's a lovable guy

Maybe because he may be presenting himself falsely? And that affects trust.

By the way, are the kids his? Your phrasing suggests they're hers, but maybe I am reading that wrong.

[stopdog]

I don't find I want to know anything about the therapist. The therapist is not, for me, all that interesting. They are just a stranger doing a job.
If I could find something I would want it to be a clear concise statement about what those people are doing at clients and why it is supposed to work. An explanation of what the therapeutic process actually was in clear and non-opaque hide the ball language.

[growlycat]

AtAt you read my mind!! If what he has told me turns out to be not entirely true then yes it would hurt my trust. It came up in conversation as we all found out trump was becoming president. He asked how it would affect me. I answered but also turned the question on him. He said he was a cis gendered heterosexual male and therefore a protected class. My initial terrible thought was that no straight man no matter how progressive has ever used the word cis in a conversation with me. So I immediately felt a flag go up. I already know that he was only partially honest about treating another person that works for my employer. That one I understand for confidentiality reasons.

I believe his sons are his biologically since he married this lady at an early age like twenties or thirties. But you did bring up a possibility I didn't think of.

When I was looking for therapists sparky got mad at me for the first time ever when I asked what he thought of my hunches. I told him I don't care about his orientation but I do care about being lied too. Sparky thought I had all of the evidence I needed. Case closed. I think he was mad because here I am deciding what masculinity is and is not. Orientation and masculinity are not one in the same. In some ways he is very rugged and outdoorsy. But he doesn't seem straight either

[LonesomeTonight]

To answer the main question...I guess I already found out what I wanted to know (what was going on with MC's wife, who I knew was sick)...but I wish it hadn't been what I found out. That my marriage counselor's wife had passed away. Well, she hadn't the first time I Googled, but that showed what her name was, so when I searched it a month later, her obituary came up...

Learning this information--and, later, in session, the fact that MC had not planned on sharing it with us--led to a difficult period for me. Where I became very upset over the death of someone I'd never met, then started doubting my/our relationship with MC because he wasn't going to tell us about this major life event, despite sharing lots of personal stories about his life. Through several sessions and a phone conversation last night, I think I understand and have mostly resolved it. And have gained a deeper understanding of what my relationship with MC is and isn't, in good ways and bad. It's been painful, but probably an important lesson in many ways.

And it makes me not want to Google him or T anymore... (plus, my T said she felt violated by my Googling her. Though MC was very forgiving and understanding).

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I also feel like there is something about himself he isn't telling me. He still comes across as gay or bisexual. But he is married to a woman with kids. Was he a bisexual guy who picked a side? Somethings up but I don't know what. I just want to understand him. If he has an unusual marital arrangement or ?? Maybe he can better help someone like me. I guess I'm straight but have so many issues in that department maybe it needs another label. Also this gut feeling that he isn't straight has been driving me crazy. I have no idea why it would even matter. He's a lovable guy

I have had the same feeling about my last 3 or 4 male ts & pdocs. As the field has turned more female, it has probably influenced them. Also they were probably more in touch with their so-called feminine side to begin with, to even enter the field. So it may partly be our own prejudice. Why cant a man like nice clothes? Does a woman have to wear ruffles?

[growlycat]

[QUOTE=unaluna;5482939]I have had the same feeling about my last 3 or 4 male ts & pdocs. As the field has turned more female, it has probably influenced them. Also they were probably more in touch with their so-called feminine side to begin with, to even enter the field. So it may partly be our own prejudice. Why cant a man like nice clothes? Does a woman have to wear ruffles?[/QUOTE

I don't wear skirts or dresses unless someone is in a casket.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't find I want to know anything about the therapist. The therapist is not, for me, all that interesting. They are just a stranger doing a job.
If I could find something I would want it to be a clear concise statement about what those people are doing at clients and why it is supposed to work. An explanation of what the therapeutic process actually was in clear and non-opaque hide the ball language.

I found my answers in reading about the neuroscience of psychotherapy. If you want book suggestions let me know.

[stopdog]

I have read a large number of their textbooks and articles and even taken classes with those people.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by growlycat

AtAt you read my mind!! If what he has told me turns out to be not entirely true then yes it would hurt my trust. It came up in conversation as we all found out trump was becoming president. He asked how it would affect me. I answered but also turned the question on him. He said he was a cis gendered heterosexual male and therefore a protected class. My initial terrible thought was that no straight man no matter how progressive has ever used the word cis in a conversation with me. So I immediately felt a flag go up. I already know that he was only partially honest about treating another person that works for my employer. That one I understand for confidentiality reasons.

I believe his sons are his biologically since he married this lady at an early age like twenties or thirties. But you did bring up a possibility I didn't think of.

When I was looking for therapists sparky got mad at me for the first time ever when I asked what he thought of my hunches. I told him I don't care about his orientation but I do care about being lied too. Sparky thought I had all of the evidence I needed. Case closed. I think he was mad because here I am deciding what masculinity is and is not. Orientation and masculinity are not one in the same. In some ways he is very rugged and outdoorsy. But he doesn't seem straight either

As someone working in the psych world and working with you, it doesn't surprise me to hear him describe himself as cis gendered heterosexual male.

What would it be like if you found out that is what he really is...like you got it from whatever higher power you believe in or whatever trusted source. He is that open, accepting, and comfortable. ..and that is all it is?

[Elio]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have read a large number of their textbooks and articles and even taken classes with those people.

So I take it that you do not believe in the paradigm of neural plasticity. The ability to have new experiences activate and create new activation channels. .leading to long term changes in thought and behavioral patterns.

[growlycat]

That is possible Elio. Nothing he could say about his own identity would change the fondness I have for him as a person. I don't know why there is something at the back of my mind nagging at me about him. I've already decided that if he continues to be a good therapist and a kind person than I'm staying put. But this little voice nags at me. Not a literal voice. But ivr learned not to ignore my instincts. They may not be on target all of the time but this feeling alerts me that I am missing something.

[stopdog]

I believe in very little of their theory- but specifically I want to know which ones the woman is trying to change and why since I have not consented specifically - I don't want just general bits changed - I do not plan on letting the woman do that at me. I do want to know how when she does X it is supposed to lead to the Y I am seeking. The sad part is she thinks it is happening when in fact I simply just don't bother with telling her stuff any more because of how miserably she failed.