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Old Feb 18, 2017, 05:56 PM
Anonymous35014
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I really like my new T. She is better than my previous two T's because she seems more compassionate, understanding, seasoned, etc.. I feel I can be more open with her than with my previous two T's. She also specializes in bipolar and ADHD, which is amazing because my previous two T's pretty much knew nothing about bipolar or ADHD (and therefore they frustrated me to no end).

Because she's such a perfect fit, I'm afraid I'm going to get too attached to her. Not in a sexual/romantic way (because I am a straight female), but on a "I need you here with me" kind of attachment. Like too dependent, I guess. I don't want to get upset when she goes on vacation, or get upset when I can't see her for a while. Or even get upset in the event she decides to leave the practice (which I hope won't happen, but my first T left unexpectedly, so anything can happen).

What have you guys done to mitigate this "dependency"?
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  #2  
Old Feb 18, 2017, 09:36 PM
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Argonautomobile Argonautomobile is offline
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Have you felt "too dependent" on people in the past? If so, what do you think caused it?

For me, I realized pretty quickly that I'd start to obsess about therapy if I didn't have enough to do in "real" life, so I try to keep occupied. I also realized that my T's support became more important to me when I didn't talk to other people, so I make sure to talk to other people.

Could you do something like that?

I'm glad you like the new T.
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Thanks for this!
rainboots87
  #3  
Old Feb 18, 2017, 10:47 PM
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rainboots87 rainboots87 is offline
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What helps me is to talk about it. With previous Ts, them allowing me to be attached and depend on them slowly led to me becoming more independent. My newest one is working out to be the same. I talk to her about wanting a connection between sessions, about being worried she's going to move/leave/stop being a T, and other things like that. It's super embarrassing for me, but she's great about it. Also, looking back at the Ts I've had, the two I was most attached to were the ones that helped me the most and so far this one is following that trajectory.

So I guess, really I just accept the dependency rather than mitigate it. I know with time it will lessen and my T has given me coping skills to manage my feelings around it, but also totally accepts me without judgment.
Thanks for this!
growlycat
  #4  
Old Feb 19, 2017, 12:34 AM
Anonymous37903
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It gets better.
Thanks for this!
growlycat
  #5  
Old Feb 19, 2017, 03:23 PM
UglyDucky UglyDucky is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluebicycle View Post
I really like my new T. She is better than my previous two T's because she seems more compassionate, understanding, seasoned, etc.. I feel I can be more open with her than with my previous two T's. She also specializes in bipolar and ADHD, which is amazing because my previous two T's pretty much knew nothing about bipolar or ADHD (and therefore they frustrated me to no end).

Because she's such a perfect fit, I'm afraid I'm going to get too attached to her. Not in a sexual/romantic way (because I am a straight female), but on a "I need you here with me" kind of attachment. Like too dependent, I guess. I don't want to get upset when she goes on vacation, or get upset when I can't see her for a while. Or even get upset in the event she decides to leave the practice (which I hope won't happen, but my first T left unexpectedly, so anything can happen).

What have you guys done to mitigate this "dependency"?
What do you consider "too dependent?" We all need to depend on others to varying degrees or we wouldn't survive. Straight females can become attached to female Ts as they would male Ts, so don't freak if that happens. I've come to the conclusion about myself, that not wanting to become "too dependent" is simply my embarrassment of needing to be dependent on another person at my age (adult). Now that I'm past that, I enjoy feeling close to my T, which is a feeling I've never had. Perhaps you could try to reframe your fear of attachment/dependency as something you shouldn't or don't want to feel...?
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Thanks for this!
rainbow8
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