T taking an extended break

How do others cope when their T takes an extended break? Mine is going away for nearly 2 months next week and I'm feeling scared, anxious and tearful about it. I have only been seeing T for 5 months so have never had to go longer than a week without seeing her before now. I should still be able to keep in touch with her by video message but it won't be the same as having her in the same room as me, if that makes sense? I have become attached to her and she is the person I feel safe with.

Is it possible to see someone else for a few sessions just a someone to touch base with and manage through? I did that once while a therapist was away for about a month. He introduced me to another therapist in his office so I had someone to meet with (he wasn't available for any kind of contact while he was away). I met with that other therapist I think twice during that time. We didn't get into anything deep, but it was helpful just knowing she knew who I was and was there for support if needed.

Otherwise I just kind of consider their time away as a therapy holiday for myself. I used the extra cash to have some fun: see a few movies, go to a museum, eat out a bit more. I figured there would be times when I would be the one taking a vacation or something and to be away, so I'd find a way to manage then (probably by being busy), so I just kind of made that time work the same way.

The first one I see has been gone a couple of months or so more than once. I just do other things. Or go interview other therapists - it fills in the time and I have gotten good info on those guys from doing it.

I like Lolagrace's idea of using the extra cash for "treats"or holiday-type things.
I have generally found that my T's holidays were easiest if I took a holiday myself. To try to avoid being at home and feeling sad thinking of how I couldn't go to see T.
2months is a long time. I think it will definitely be helpful to try to have a plan, and also even some back-up support, perhaps another temporary T.

Thank you for your replies .. it's not even one week in yet and I had a bit of a meltdown today .. I think because towards the latter part of a week I have a little bit of anxiety and abandonment fears so often text her just to check she is still there but because she is away I don't want to bother her with that .. I feel like it's going to be a long 2 months

my therapist and i have been on opposite sides of the world for over five years. it is really, really hard, because we only visit each other about once a year, we are both just too busy to travel. i miss her so much. my job keeps me very busy, thankfully, and i try to have a lot of hobbies. we talk on the phone and skype, but you are right, its not nearly as good as being in person.

Gosh that must be so hard. My T is going to call me once a week .. it won't be like a session but just to check in with me whilst she is away .. but I hear you as it's not going to be the same as actually seeing her and talking to her

I'm going to add some more things I have done in the past when I was having a really hard time: get my diary and phone and arrange little dates/meet-ups with friends. At one point I was a member of a really nice health centre too, and I could go there for a swim which relaxed me. Go for little walks, with different routes planned. Call the samaritans: I don't usually do this, but I did once or twice when T was away and I felt really bad. It didn't help in the long-term, but it did help in the moment to get through a bit more time and it generally helped me calm down a little bit. I have some favourite CDs to listen to, and I would put them out ready for myself. One is a talking CD, I always find it helpful.
I'm putting all the things I can think of and hope it might be useful! Another thing is that you can give yourself a lot of positive affirmation during this time:for example, so far you have managed one week without T, and even though it's been so hard, you have managed. Perhaps you can keep note of all the things you have done to cope to share with T afterwards, and think how proud T can be and how proud you will be - I think even though it's hard, it can be very good for our self esteem to realise the things we CAN cope with. I've had that experience recently.
This may all be not helpful and if so please ignore and go with whatever helps you! I am just putting down all I can think of, because I feel for you, because two months really is a long time.

In not sure there's much that you can do that will really take away what you are feeling. So early in the relationship, you haven't built-up enough "you & her" to sustain you.
Getting a phone call once a week will be the biggest asset I think.
Be prepared for the roller coaster thoughts and feelings you experience.

Don't you just love how therapists make so much money from their attached patients that they're able to abandon them for months at a time and still keep them hanging on? You've paid her for five months, and in return you're going to go through two months of therapy withdraw. It will hurt.

Odds are she's not offering the contact over the break for your benefit, by the way. She's doing it because she knows that if she doesn't, a significant number of her clients will drop out of therapy over that long of a break. They'll go through therapy detox and head for the hills. So she's going to give you just enough contact to keep the money coming in when she returns.

And odds are, even though you know this, it will still work, because therapy is a helluva drug, and other people who are equally as addicted will say that it's all okay and normalize it for you.

Personally, I think this sort of behavior is total BS. But it's up to the client to tolerate it or not.

That's a nice and non reactive, reasoned reply.



Not

Thank you for your suggestions, I will try some of those .. it will be one week tomorrow since my last appointment with her and I've still got 8 weeks until I see her again so I'm hoping those weeks go quicker than this one has

Even though it's only been 5 months I have built up a good relationship with T in that time but I still have the whole abandonment fear that she won't come back even though she has promised me she is and the rational side knows that

You are of course entitled to your opinion but I disagree .. I totally understand her reasons for needing this break, even though it feels a struggle already.

I don't think she is only having contact with me whilst she is away to get my money when she returns. I offered to still pay her whilst she is away as she is having contact with me and she said no. I may have only been in therapy for just over 5months but I don't think she is some heartless ***** who is just having contact with me for my money

I think this is not an unreasonable interpretation. Not the only interpretation - but it is not improbable or impossible.
The second one I see has tried to get me to phone her but for me it was never particularly useful to talk to her on the phone

I had many phone sessions (sometimes a few weeks in a row) with my last T and found them almost as effective as in person. Yes they lack that good feeling of physical proximity but they kept the actual therapy going. I chose regular phone rather than video because I don't like the video chats, they actually trigger my feeling it's not as real and I find the video distracting.

That's nice that she is willing to check in with you while she's away

This seems like a lot of biased assumptions you are making

Most assumptions and interpretations are biased - whether good or bad.

Yes...that is true

I'm glad they worked well for you. Thing is I'm not going to be having sessions by phone, just T checking in with me by phone

Phone check ins have helped me, I hope they help you as well.

Back when i had major abandonment issues, I remember one time one of my therapists went on vacation for 6 weeks to another country. She wrote on a paper. My name. I will be back. I found a lot of comfort in just that simple statement she wrote and would reread it when i felt i couldn't cope. Maybe your therapist can do something like that. It really did help. I didn't ask her to write it, she just did. She knew me too well. She suggested to journal when she was gone and to share it with her when she got back which I did.

Mind didn't write it on a piece of paper but she text me promising she will be back .. the silly thing is the logical sort of me knows she will but the irrational part of me panics and I think she has abandoned me. It's only a week since I last saw her and it's another 8 weeks until I see her again and I've already struggled .. but she rang me tonight which was lovely and made me feel less anxious .. she has promised she will check in with me at least once a week

Thank you .. my T rang me this evening and it has helped me a lot