[sinking]

I often go to the session calm or a little nervous, then during the session, i find a way to keep myself calm and sometimes its relaxing and i really enjoy it. This is good, but as i am out of the door i feel like i came out of it worse than the way i entered and i have no idea why.
Maybe i was too comfy, happy to share with someone who does really understand me? Or what?
And i dont mean to say i come out if it more nervous, sad, or mad. I come out of it plainly suicidal and the feeling doesnt pass until i see her again and rarely before.
Does it happen to you too? I dont know what to do. My T already knows it but it still happens. What do you think? Help please!

[20oney]

I feel that. Some sessions for me end in tears, generally out in my car... I would say that it for me, it is the idea of having to leave that room where everything is safe, and go back out into the world and keep living on.. This is the part of therapy that I hate. How are we expected to just keep going when everything is still broken? Therapy for me, just feels like duct tape holding me together, and as you walk out that door, it begins to come unstuck..

One thing that helps me sometimes, is being able to email my T.. Does yours allow out of session contact / could you ask if that is an option?

How new is this therapist to you, for how long, and how often do you have these sessions? I would suggest this could be normal when things are starting out as the therapist pushes you for the purpose of seeing what underlying problems there might be. But, if you have been seeing them for ongoing treatment for a while this would be a problem.

[crimsoncat]

:

[QueenCopper]

I always feel worse after therapy but I try to use the tools that she has given me to make myself feel better. Sometimes it works most times it doesn't work very well. I hope your T can help you with this.

[Elio]

Sometimes. Like this week. The session itself wasn't too bad and only one uncomfortable topic discussed; however, it hasn't even been 48 hours and I've already emailed her once, I cried off and on yesterday and I wish I could see her again. I keep rereading the emails from yesterday and sitting here refreshing the screen.

I am not suicidal like I would have been a year ago. Now I say I am struggling (struggling to hold it together) where as a year ago I called these days rough days (because there was no ability to hold it together). Progress. Yes, I feel your pain and understand it well.

Try to find something kind to do for yourself. (maybe I'll take that advice and try to do something for myself)

[thesnowqueen]

You haven't said that much about what thoughts you are having in that time. Is it about feeling exposed, like you have said too much and are now vulnerable, or is it about having to wait all the way to the next session? Perhaps too much difficult material has been triggered? I'm shooting in the dark a bit... Sending hugs!

[MBM17]

I've felt similar feelings a few different times. I think thesnowqueen's questions are worth contemplating/answering. What are the thoughts accompanying the feelings?

[captgut]

I often feel worse after the therapy too...
Like this:
"He's so kind. He hates me? He certainly hates me. I hate myself too. I'm hopeless. I have to quit, but I can't. Well...now I have to survive two weeks without him again. It's a pain. "

[sinking]

Thanks for your answers. I leave suicidal because i feel alone and with nobody to talk to or to calm me down without her.

[iheartjacques]

Originally Posted by sinking

Thanks for your answers. I leave suicidal because i feel alone and with nobody to talk to or to calm me down without her.

She shouldn't let you walk out in that state.
I told t once I was a bit mad he let me walk out devastated and I could hardly drive home. So now if it's a rough or heavy session, he'll let me have a few minutes to compose myself before leaving

[sinking]

thanks. i have a session tomorrow and i will tell her i leave suicidal from her sessions.
do you think she'll take it as she is doing bad her job or hurt her in any way?

[thesnowqueen]

I think you should discuss with her for sure! Is there any possibility of contact between sessions? Emails or messages? This can be very helpful as a safety net.

[sinking]

yes, we text, call, email each other but its like its never enough.

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by sinking

yes, we text, call, email each other but its like its never enough.

Do you think you might benefit from being hospitalised a while? I know I found it very containing for a few weeks,but obviously it depends on facilities available, etc etc. It sounds like you are in a really scary place.

[sinking]

I've been hospitalized different times but they grew worse. last time i attempted a suicide. i was dead for a few mins before they resuscitated me. i just dont wanna live. its all a mess, wrong, hurting. i cant take it much longer.

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by sinking

I've been hospitalized different times but they grew worse. last time i attempted a suicide. i was dead for a few mins before they resuscitated me. i just dont wanna live. its all a mess, wrong, hurting. i cant take it much longer.

Are you able to see your T more frequently?

I'm sorry this has gone on so long and I really hope you find a treatment plan that can offer some relief soon!

[iheartjacques]

Originally Posted by sinking

thanks. i have a session tomorrow and i will tell her i leave suicidal from her sessions.
do you think she'll take it as she is doing bad her job or hurt her in any way?

Not necessarily s doing a bad job, just you need the last few minutes of session to breathe and regain composure. Also if there's a nearby park go there for a few minutes to practice mindfulness to bring yourself back into the present?

[sinking]

I'll try telling her but after session is over I'll go stright to my bed. Its the only thing i wanna do. Always...

[satsuma]

I have had sessions where I leave feeling very upset as you describe. However, itvwasnt every single session over a long period of time (e.g. many months). Also, overall therapy really helped improve lots of things in my day to day life, right from the start.
Are you able to kind of "zoom out" from the upset feelings and see whether your life is getting better overall, compared to before you started therapy? This is the kind of thing my T always says to me!
I would suggest that if it is, then therapy is probably helping and some amount of upset is to be expected. I agree it's a good idea to talk to your T about it.
But I think that therapy shouldn't be only making you upset, without any positives or anything helpful. If it is, then perhaps you need a different kind of therapy - again something to discuss with your T?

[Elio]

How did it go?

[sinking]

I did go and talked with my T.
we thought it was useful to decide what i was going to do after the session, how my day would end and what would i do during a crisis should i have one. and she agreed i can take more anti anxiety pills.
it went more or less like we stated. i feel better today too.
thanks for your support

I sometimes felt hyper and distracted after sessions. I have a tendency to experience delayed emotional reactions to events and I think it was a version of that. I certainly felt it was never enough many times. I like to send an email to the T a few hours after session on the same day with some reflections and description of these feelings. I also found it helpful to learn to just sit with the feelings instead of wanting to alleviate them - not pleasant, but more effective than looking for things to numb myself or to feed the craving for more.