[insideoutside]

My son has been seeing a T since September. We didn't communicate much in the beginning, except for team meetings, as they primarily meet at school but then talked a little more in December. The T showed me support and understanding which was a new feeling for me. He thinks I have CPTSD from the situation with my son. And then we talked/emailed a little more in January, and then quite a bit of email banter in February. And then I tried to button it down because I realized I was attaching to him, and so I stopped for a week. We had a team meeting in the meantime, and I mirrored his body language before I realized it. Maybe he was testing me? The following week, I sent an email message with only a subject with did he meet with my son that day and no text/body. I got a snappy response that my son had a homework assignment and that he highly recommended I do it to with 5 exclamation points - a mindfulness app. I emailed back " that's a lot of exclamation points T" with a sarcastic article about holding people at arms length and sent it by accident. I write a lot of emails that I don't send. He called me the next day and I don't know if I mirrored his tone of voice or he mirrored mine but it was nice and weird, he started to ask about the article, if I was at work, etc I wasn't but I did have company over and had to go. Then I sent an email to him the next day explaining that I was struggling with a lot. Since then he's all but cut me off, and I am reeling. I miss the banter. I trust him but he's not my therapist yet has helped my family a lot. I just don't understand the backing off. He thanked me for my vulnerability and honesty and now hardly responds at all, which makes me feel like I shouldn't have been vulnerable. Maybe he could tell? I know the feelings aren't real, but they did lead me to being more open. I am getting into more than I intended...... Any suggestions?

[unaluna]

It sounds like the "struggling" email after his phone call maybe made him rethink what was going on? At that point, maybe it turned into like what a lot of people run into here, ts saying they dont do therapy by email.

I dont know what you meant, or what he thought about, the sarcastic article about keeping people at arms length. But i think that moment might have passed, which is probably a good thing, in terms of ethics?

[LonesomeTonight]

How long has it been since you sent the e-mail saying you were struggling? It's possible he's just been busy or out of town or something. Or, like Luna said, maybe wanted to talk to you in person about it? Is there a time when you're due to meet with him along with your son?

It's also possible you misinterpreted his response about your son's homework assignment as snippy. Like maybe he just was trying to be enthusiastic about it, like, 'This would be a great thing for him to try!" So when you responded the way you did, he was concerned that you might misinterpret other e-mails. Would it be possible to talk to him on the phone?

Also, I think it would be helpful for you to get your own T, if possible.

And I know, from experience, that attachment to a T can be really difficult, especially if it's not your individual T--I'm going through that with my marriage counselor right now (both he and H are aware of it and OK with working through it).

[ScarletPimpernel]

I second that you get your own T. You might be crossing some boundaries by getting attached to your son's T.

[BudFox]

Hard to say without knowing all the subtleties, but isn't it normal to feel drawn to someone who is behaving in a supportive way? Seems like therapy makes the simplest things so complicated.

[insideoutside]

Thanks for your comments. I have been trying to find my own but many of the T's in our area who work with TFCBT have waitlists. I think the support he offered made me feel open, instead of numb as i have for years, and the attachment ensued. I thankfully also realize this and am trying to counteract it. I specifically wrote in my email that he could not say things like "you deserve to be safe" and "we can take the fight" because I'm not accustomed to it - so maybe that changed something. I just didn't think it would hurt. I'll think of it as another growth opportunity.