What would you call this?

So I'm having difficulties trying to figure out what you would call this negative experience that I'm about to talk about. I don't want to call it "trauma" because it is nowhere near being traumatic, such as CSA or anything like that. But I'm looking for the right word and looking for the best way to bring it up. (And I apologize if this is long.)

Soooo

When I was a little kid (starting from age 3), I was always very sociable. I was everybody's friend and everyone liked me. Never once did I pick a fight with anyone and I always helped out those in need. I was very giving and never expected anything in return. Even other kids' parents adored me and complimented my parents on raising "such a nice kid". I was also in a gifted child program. I was the "perfect child", I guess?

In second grade, I made my first best friend. To keep everyone anonymous, let's just call her Jane. Well, Jane and I hit it off right away. We hung out at each other's houses literally four times a week. (My parents and her parents shared babysitting.) We would play Pokemon on our gameboys (I was 7 when the first pokemon game came out, and it was all the rave!), play pokemon cards (again, all the rave), go on bike rides, watch TV, watch movies... you get the picture. I also was really involved in sports. I played softball, soccer, and basketball. I made TONS of new friends there. Again, really popular.

Then when 6th grade rolled around, everything went to sh#t. Out of nowhere, all of my friends disowned and ousted me. LITERALLY (and I mean quite literally) I lost all of my friends in one day. ONE DAY. I have no idea why or what I did, but everyone hated me. They turned on me. Even my own best friend disowned me. And for the life of me, I could not figure out what I did wrong (and I still can't). I mean, the day before, everything was fine...? I had literally went to hang out with Jane at her house the previous day. (But to be fair, this is around the time my mental illnesses started to take place.)

Basically, I had gone to sit down with my "friends" at lunch, and they told me, "no, you can't sit here anymore. Someone else is sitting there." And sitting in front of me on the table was a bag of cheesy whales. So obviously they pretended that someone was sitting there by putting the cheesy whales there... but I knew that the only one who brought cheesy whales to school was my best friend, Jane. (Everyone else brought Goldfish.) So I knew it was her who did that. HER IN SPECIFIC. Like she was the "mastermind" behind all of this.

Then I just politely got up without saying a word and proceeded to sit down at an empty table where some other loner was sitting. We'll call him Mike. Then everyone stared at me. Whatever. Surprisingly, I wasn't crying or anything.

Then a bunch of girls walked up to me and actually spat at me while I was sitting at the table. (Same day during lunch.) Then they took my lunch and knocked it off the table. wtf. They told me I didn't deserve friends and that I should go kill myself. (Literally, that's what they said.)

Then in every class I had (and seriously, I wish I were exaggerating), there was this girl who we'll call Elizabeth. Well, Elizabeth was my friend from kindergarten, and she kept telling everyone that I was a loner and that my only friend was Mike. That's the only thing she did.

Mike wasn't well liked. I think he was just very shy... but he was very greasy looking, as if he hadn't showered in weeks etc. etc.. So they were basically making fun of me and Mike. Like, "oh, you're friends with the gross kid". That kind of thing.

But that very same day during lunch (I know, right?), my "friends" came over to my table and told Mike that they wanted to be his friend. (No they didn't. They were sort of high maintenance and he was, well, pretty low maintenance.) They did it to make me feel even worse. And when I got up to pick up my lunch that they knocked off my table, Jane shoved me to the ground. Then they all laughed at me. wtf. And one of them even made me get a detention by telling the teacher that I called a child with Down's Syndrome "retarded". (I would never do that. I have a cousin with Down's Syndrome.) Yeah, got detention for 1 week straight.

Then during detention (next day during lunch), one of my good friends (we'll call him Jack) beat me up when the teacher wasn't looking. He punched my arm and then grabbed it so hard that he bruised it. And Elizabeth OF COURSE had to come by and say I should seriously think about killing myself "because everyone wants it". She even "offered" to get me a knife so that I could do it. She said I could try cutting my wrists with a plastic knife from the lunch room.

So obviously everyone had been planning this for weeks or something. IDK. But ever since then, I have never ever wanted to be social. I became paranoid. I was a huge reject and I didn't know what I did wrong. I became totally self conscious. I actually PREFERRED to be alone with no friends. I clammed up. Literally, my life had shattered before my eyes. My only guess is that I had undiagnosed mental illnesses that made me do something I didn't realize. (Definitely ADHD, and likely bipolar.)

That sounds very painful...Events like that could be classified as trauma, if it felt traumatic to you (had recent discussion with T about this). As for what else to call it: rejection? Abandonment? Sounds like borderline bullying too with saying you weren't allowed to sit there anymore. Stuff that happens in childhood/adolescence can have lasting effects on us...

I'm sorry. It sounds awful.

I don't quite follow how all of it happened in one day, but then somewhere in there you say prior to this another girl had been saying your only friend was this Mike guy and then the day of the lunch, they came over to take him away.

I guess I'm wondering if the bullying had been going on longer than that and you hadn't picked up on it for some reason and it felt like it happened in one day.

Regardless, it does sound traumatic, whatever it was that happened. Kids are little beasts.

Yeah, I see the confusion in what I wrote. I put things slightly out of chronological order. I mostly wanted to explain who "Mike" was and that this girl "Elizabeth" kept telling everyone that Mike was my only friend. And she had been doing that bullying after lunch when I sat with Mike. And she kept saying every class that Mike was my only friend (everyday thereafter) so that she could make everyone laugh at me.

I would call that bullying

[QUOTE=bluebicycle;5527734]So I'm having difficulties trying to figure out what you would call this negative experience that I'm about to talk about. I don't want to call it "trauma" because it is nowhere near being traumatic, such as CSA or anything like that. But I'm looking for the right word and looking for the best way to bring it up. (And I apologize if this is long.)

You were 100% bullied. The fact that they did it behind the teachers' backs shows they knew exactly what they were doing. They were able to assault you and yet you got in trouble only make matters worse. It IS a traumatic experience that usually follows the victim into adulthood. As the mom of two boys who were bullied I know your pain. All kids want is to fit in. One of my boys took it for so long and then he lashed out and would fight back when assaulted. Of course the teachers didn't see anything. So when asked if he did it he would say yes because he was taught not to lie. The other kid would always lie and since the can't punish what they don't see only my son was punished. He was suspended 2x and was expelled but I fought to let him finish the year. He was not allowed to play sports (his passion) nor participate in gym.

My other son internalized it for so long. Then one day in class he made suicidal statements in class and told the teacher it was because of the teasing.

I would call that bullying or abuse. Kids can sometimes be very cruel and do things to their peers adults would never do. I experienced bullying in kindergarten and school for many years before age 10 and it definitely had lasting effects on how how I socialize (or don't), how I am often reluctant to ask for help or etc. The way I ended up handling it over the years is to be very selective in my relationships, I'm quite picky about who I allow close or even spend time with. The childhood bullying was also the reason why I started socializing with adults much more than with kids, and to date most of my good friends tend to be much older than myself. So definitely some persistent effects.

Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes. You experienced abrupt, major losses at a very impressionable age. I would sure classify this as trauma.

My social worker would call this a trauma, because of its contrast to what you were used too.

I am going to suggest we don't always remember traumatic events as we would do normal events, something's seem bigger and more intense.
As a child who was used to being,exceptional it is simply possible you missed some social cues that were going on around you. Especially if you had undiagnosed adhd, you remember these events because they were particularly bad. There may have been more subtle attempts that you just do not remember, because your so sure everything was perfectly fine.
Imho this is unlikely.

But yes, a traumatic event has to be compared against your everyday life.
If you were in a bubble of denial,where the world was perfect and you and your friends could do no wrong. The bubble bursting would be a significant shock.
I hope your able to a dress the issues an make it through.
Take care.

Bullying can be extremely traumatic. I was badly bullied for years and it affected me hugely. It's not surprising at all that you feel these experiences have impacted on you.