I decided to stick with T.

My next T session is on March 29th.

Two things he does that I appreciate:
-Gives hugs
-Made me coffee

Out of all the Ts that I tried out, his personality is the best. He's about approx. 4-5 years older than me and is very enthusiastic during sessions.

And he agreed to let me pay him at the first of the month instead of every session.

Regarding email, we previously discussed me sending an email on Thursday evenings and he said he would read it on Friday mornings.

Would I trade what I have with T for another T that allows texting and frequent emails? No. When I think about it, his hugs and coffee are more meaningful than texts and emails.

Also, he said he was working on getting me in weekly. So, he's trying to make space in his schedule for me.

The other day, I was truly in crisis. My pharmacist saved the day. I called the pharmacy and when he heard that I was completely out of Seroquel 300 mg twice daily and that my psychiatrist was out of the office for the remainder of the week, he kindly told me to bring my empty bottle to him and he would give me enough Seroquel pills to make it through the weekend. So I took the bottle to the pharmacy, and he gave me 8 Seroquel with no charge. That pulled me back from the edge.

Today has been painful because I couldn't sleep last night so I've been trying to get my mind on other things such as music, watching movies on Amazon Prime, and I completed two of my pharmacy tech lessons with an 85 and 90 on two of the exams.

I feel lousy from the lack of sleep but hopefully, I can get my Ambien filled next week so I can finally get some sleep.

That's great news! Good for you.

I just watched the beginning of a hugely triggering movie called Suicide Dolls where these two girls decide to film their last 24 hours before their suicide. Then I turned it off.

Then a whole tsunami of tears began pouring out of my eyes.������ Now my eyes are red and I don't want my younger sister and brother to know that I've been crying because they look to me as the "strong one" because I take care of them. When I cry, they become confused and upset about things.

Pull it back together, Hope. ��

Happy threadwarming!

How old are you and how old are your siblings?

[QUOTE=hopealwayz;5540422]I just watched the beginning of a hugely triggering movie called Suicide Dolls where these two girls decide to film their last 24 hours before their suicide. Then I turned it off.

Then a whole tsunami of tears began pouring out of my eyes.������ Now my eyes are red and I don't want my younger sister and brother to know that I've been crying because they look to me as the "strong one" because I take care of them. When I cry, they become confused and upset about things.

Pull it back together, Hope. ��[/QUOTE

I take it you live with your siblings? How old are you all? Do they have issues with depression/therapists too? My guess is, they are old enough that you could tell them you're just having a bad day! Or simply tell them you just watched a sad movie...lol....that'll do it for me! Sometimes I will blame it on allergies. Depending on their ages, it's ok to talk to them I think...about certain things. Really, it's ok! You don't always have to be the strong one!

I struggle with this as well. Try to remember that you are still human, and it's ok for others to see that you struggle at times as well. We all do. Emotions are normal. It's important for them to see that you experience emotions, and then recover your equilibrium as well.

I'm glad to hear you're sticking with your new T. He sounds good! Do you have parents to take care of your siblings? It shouldn't be solely your job.

I agree, but we don't know the situation either....she might not have a choice. I hope she'll fill us in. But I think it's good for those younger to know it's OK to have emotions.....so not always a bad thing to see!

I'm glad you're going to stick it out with your T. It seems like he has good boundaries which is what you need. Hopefully he'll be able to fit you in once a week soon.

Proud of you hope

I am proud of you, too! I enjoy your posts here. Keep writing.

[QUOTE=rainbow8;5540934]I'm glad to hear you're sticking with your new T. He sounds good! Do you have parents to take care of your siblings? It shouldn't be solely your job

I'm 36 and my brother and sister are 25 with disabilities. They're twins. My brother has cerebral palsy and my sister is slightly developmentally delayed. Our mom died in 2013 and I became the head of the household and had to take care of my disabled siblings, elderly grandfather with dementia, and an uncle with substance abuse problems. My grandfather passed away in 2014 and my uncle died in 2015 so now it's just my brother, sister, and I.

I just got home from the hospital. My anxiety and stress lead to the brink of a hypertensive crisis and had to be treated.

When I got home, I got a very positive and encouraging email from my T. What a surprise.

Hi hope,

What happened to your father? If you dont want to answer it's okay

That sounds like a really difficult situation! I'm glad you got a supportive email from your T!

We actually have different fathers. My dad left when I was little and has never been too consistently involved in my life.

My brother and sister's father took off and no one knows where he is.

My mom and bio dad are deceased, too. My stepdad is terminally ill. I am sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry you had to go to the hospital and I hope your anxiety levels go down.

T reaching out....he definitely cares! We aren't T, but you have us supporting you. You aren't alone. Thanks for accepting my friend invite.

Oh my gosh girl, you have a LOT on your plate! I see how you need to find time to take care of YOURSELF. Do you have any outside help for your siblings? Oy oy oy.... that's a LOT.

Hope, this is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders... and a lot of pain for you to have had to endure. I think you're doing a great job considering what you've been through. Keep posting here when you feel alone. I assure you that you aren't.

You can do it!

Just logged on and happened to wonder how you're doing, Hope. I'm glad you decided to stick with the current T, at least for a while. I think it's good you started this thread. I hope it helps.

I've been super depressed this past week. Actually, my mood for the past 2-3 weeks has been overall depressed. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday and it's taking forever.

I'm considering canceling my therapy appointment on Wednesday.