It's so hard to know whether a T is right for you

Mar 20, 2017, 05:42 AM

I have a new T. I quit T2 in December, painfully, I was afraid that if I carried on with her I might have a breakdown as I couldn't sleep and felt incredibly tense. My new T is a bit of a trauma specialist. I had a good impression of her the first couple of sessions, but the last two sessions I slightly felt that she didn't listen to me very well and had a slight disinterest in questions I asked her about EMDR. It's such a huge decision, to invest this time and money with her, and now I know there is the potential of me feeling huge pain and hurt instead of feeling helped. So hard to know whether to stick with her.

iheartjacques · Mar 20, 2017, 06:22 AM

How do we know when to keep going or not when we don't get a strong feeling either way?

itisnt · Mar 20, 2017, 08:35 AM

I can totally relate to this. I've been out of therapy for a number of years and really didn't have a desire to go back. I had two successful experiences in therapy, and felt that I could deal with things on my own without the expense and time commitment good therapy takes. Now I'm dealing with a difficult time and decided it was time to go back for a "tune up". Jeesh, talk about angst about finding someone I think I'll click with. I'm returning for a second appointment with one tomorrow with some reservation. She was twenty minutes late for our first apt, often not a good sign, but she apologized and gave a reasonable explanation, and then she was so rattled, she spent most of the session talking about her experience. Granted her explanation was in response to my question about her depth of experience, so I decided to cut her some slack and give it another try. I did find her interesting and well informed, but I really get it how hard it is to tell if the person is right for you or not. Good luck!

Mar 20, 2017, 06:46 PM

Maybe she has something personal about EMDR rather than it being a sign of the relationship?

It's really difficult to find the right therapist.

Sorry I have no advice to offer, just wishing you strength thru this.

satsuma · Mar 21, 2017, 07:32 AM

My thoughts are that on the one hand it's very important to listen to your gut reaction, and if you consistently feel the T is not helping then that's probably true.
But on the other hand, everyone can have off days when they feel a little more distant. I once sensed that in my T, and when I spoke to him about it later he told me that at that time, his father had been ill.
So I think our sense of the T is very important, but also we have to make a few allowances from time to time if they don't seem 100%. That's my opinion anyway.

WrkNPrgress · Mar 21, 2017, 10:18 AM

For me, I knew. Period. We clicked and I was excited to go see this person.

There are moments I question whether I should be in therapy or consider switching up therapists but when I'm in session with this person, it melts away.

Perhaps if you're not feeling that connection, 1) bring it up with your therapist and 2) seriously considering trying someone else if it's feasible.

Once you find someone who clicks it's totally worth it.

Nammu · Mar 21, 2017, 01:21 PM

Is this a reoccurring theme for you? Thinking things are ok then being afraid of getting hurt so you cut things off? Maybe that's something you could bring up to your t and talk about it openly.