Recently, after therapy appointments, I'll become extremely emotional and hurt. Bad feelings will well up to the point that living feels like agony and it's extremely hard to get through the day.

I think it might be because bringing up my past is sort of like reliving it, especially when it's being validated. I usually like to minimize my past as much as I can because than I can just forget about it.

Bringing up my past like this with my therapist seems to be working, since after the pain subsides I seem to have better focus.

My therapist said the emotional pains after sessions are normal, and that I can handle it and it'll help, but I don't think he understands how much pain I'm really in. I cry all night and day for days on end and think my life is only going to get worse. Maybe he doesn't understand just how bad my past was. It makes me lose all hope in life just thinking about those old feelings.

Is this normal, or should I switch therapists?

I suppose I could guide my therapist in order to not hurt my feelings as much, but I have no idea how to since therapy to me is like running around in the dark. I'm relying on my therapist to know what they're doing since I don't know what helps and what doesn't, or what hurts and what doesn't, since I tend not to feel strong emotional pain until later.

It's very hard on my marriage. I often consider divorce during these times, and think everyone, including my husband, doesn't love me.

Not to mention feeling suicidal. I don't think I'll go through with it but what if I do? Who's going to pay the price for that? My loved ones.

It just doesn't seem fair. I alone went through a terribly childhood and now I have to pay for it during therapy? What gives?

Thanks for reading. Would love some advice.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Therapy is difficult. When talking about your past, it can be like reliving it. For a lot of people, therapy does help. Things do get better.

Do you have any coping skills for in between sessions? Have you discussed any with your T? If not, maybe take a session or two to learn some coping skills (i.e. meditation, breathing, mindfulness, arts, crafts, exercise, etc.)

[CantExplain]

The sad truth is that this is pretty normal.

However, if you think your T doesn't care about your pain, you are entitled to bring that up. You may be going too fast.

[Elio]

Yes, this seems common.

Does your T allow between session contact? How frequent do you see your T? Perhaps you could see him more frequently. I tend to use one session a week for deeper work and one for stability. Or will do a couple of sessions of deeper work then a couple of more supportive sessions.

[nottrustin]

As my T has always said, sometimes therapy is very painful. Occasionally I go in feeling okay and then walk out in pain. I would spend some time with T discussing a plan on what to do after the difficult sessions. Can you contact him between sessions, coping skills and how to utilize your outside support system.

[Erebos]

Sounds like you need to explain to your T just exactly what your going through.
Make that the focus of your next session. You drive, tell your therapist this is something you need to discuss before you go any further, because there is always the chance things,might get worse before they get better.

Ask about self soothing,grounding techniques and mindfulness,these are all things designed to bring us back to the present when we feel we are slipping.
My pdoc does not allow between session contact under any circumstances however he would never leave me unable to cope, so maybe if you can just find the courage to ask.
This is of course just my 2cents worth,but all the best.
Take Care.

[WrkNPrgress]

I would also suggest talking to your therapist and explaining the extent of these feelings that happen after sessions. Maybe print out what you wrote here. it might help your therapist gauge how to approach your trauma in a better way.

Unfortunately, although it's painful, we do have to air this old stuff out. It's not going away even if we choose to ignore it. The pain is just a step in the awareness and becoming conscious of our past so it doesn't control us and our decisions subconsciously.

But there are ways to manage it and know that you'll be okay. Talk to your T. You'll get there.

[Dawntreader]

This is common.

However, that doesn't mean it's acceptable.

People put up with a lot in therapy that they shouldn't. Also, therapists will often convince clients to bring up the darkest, most difficult parts of their lives without proper support or ability to contain that stuff. You shouldn't be crying for days after a session. If you are, either your therapist is inept, or deliberately trying to trauma bond you so that you keep returning.

This forum is packed with people who mistake pain for progress. They're not the same thing.

[Merecat]

It sounds like your therapist is going to fast, talk to them about slowing down the pace of work and supporting you to think about how you cope with difficult emotions. If they don't help you with it, I'd look for another therapist.

Thanks for all the support. I read over each of your replies and understand where each person is coming from.

I do think my therapist needs to slow down a bit. I can handle some emotional pain afterwards, but there's no use going through torment just because we went over too many things. I do think there's no need for that, as long as progress is being made. I also don't take good care of myself during these periods. I might just not have the coping skills to handle so much memory-loading.

On the other hand, my emotional pain after sessions is lessening, so the worst of it seems to be over.

I think I'll be okay for now. I'll just keep track of how much "bad" stuff we covered and if I can handle it later during sessions. I do think we covered too many things at once during sessions, which put me in too bad of a mood than necessary.