[SoConfused623]

Tomorrow at 10 est I have what I hope to be the last and final appointment ever with my current T.

Here's a quick summary of my situation: I've been seeing this T for the past 2.5 years. She's a blank slate type of T and not knowing anything about her was maddening to me so I took the liberty of looking her up online with google searches and through social media. I found out a lot of stuff and then felt so guilty and decided to tell her more than a year ago. She was in her words, "A little miffed" and she said that she is a very private person and she cares very much about the privacy of her family. Even though all of this stuff was online and readily available she didn't see it that way. I ended up apologizing but was really more sorry that I had told her than anything else.

So over the past year I continue to see her and things are always strained and eventually I find a new T and part ways with this T, but it turns out that I can’t continue to see my p-doc if I don’t have a T at this center. In my final session, my T and I seemed to really come to a better understanding so I decide to go back to her. She promises to answer my questions going forward as long as I tell her why I need to know. A few weeks ago I decide to ask T a couple of benign questions and she refuses to answer them!!

I'm so confused and so upset that she went back on her promise and realize that I must find a new T but decide against the T that I had seen a couple of times because she was really into mindfulness and meditation which I didn't like. So I end up having a session with yet a new T and it went pretty well but all that we did was intake stuff. Friday I had my 2nd session with this new T and I didn't like how whenever I'd pause for her input she didn't have a whole lot to say or any big insights etc... I realize that she doesn't even know me yet and that maybe it would get better as she knows more about me.

So over the past few days I start thinking/fantasizing that me and current T, (not potential new T) are going to somehow make-up tomorrow and live happily ever after because there are so many things that I do like about current T and don't want to have to end things once and for all!

Last night I went to dinner with a very good friend and was updating her on all of this and for the first time ever my friend was very forward and was really pressuring me to give new T a chance and that I should end things tomorrow with current T. She pointed out how this has been going on for a long time and that despite numerous conversations with current T that she won't budge on anything and that it's absolutely time to move on! Also, that even if this potential new T doesn't work out that it would be MUCH better to have no T temporarily than to ever see current T again.

So that brings me here. I know that my friend is 110% right that I have tried and tried for months to get T to compromise on a few things and that she is never going to change! She also pointed out that my T even said that she'd understand if I found someone new is pretty much telling me without terminating me that she is NOT going to change and that it's best if I look elsewhere.

I know that I need to end things with T and just need a little support and encouragement for tomorrow's last session For those of us who get all wrapped up with our T's it's really hard! Thanks!

[stopdog]

If it was me, I would just pay the cancellation fee or wait for them to try to collect it and just never go back. I would not bother with going in and talking to that therapist again.

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by stopdog

If it was me, I would just pay the cancellation fee or wait for them to try to collect it and just never go back. I would not bother with going in and talking to that therapist again.

Thanks Stopdog. I really want to go to give her some feedback on how she failed me as a T. How her boundaries were inconsistent and how she should have let me really have it if she was that mad rather than be passive aggressive by sometimes withholding info that she'd share with others just to retaliate against me. I really wish that we had talked through her anger, but she probably had boundaries against that too!

I also want to ask her how she thinks I've grown over the past 2 1/2 years. I feel like she has hurt me more than helped me and I'd like to find out if I'm missing something and if I really have changed and grown during this time. It is very tempting just not to go, but I want my questions answered...

Sorry it didn't work out. It seems like the longer you are with someone, the more that can complicate things...

Just as problematic, i think, is that it seems she made some missteps to try to repair the situation by promising you full disclosure-not a good idea imo.

I'm fortunate my therapist has always said that he doesn't own the public information on the internet, and I have just as much of a right to it as anyone else.

Hoping for the best for you for tomorrow's session.

[Out There]

I'm sorry this isn't working for you after she seemed to take things on board and make an effort. Often in relationships they run their course and problems develop that we can't fix. And we grow and change as well - perhaps you've outgrown her and a new T will take you further on your journey. But we do try to hang on sometimes. I'm in your pocket !

[lucozader]

Good luck, SC. It won't be easy but you should be proud of knowing what is best for you and putting it into practice.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'll be in your pocket. Good luck with getting some closure from your old T.

[kecanoe]

I'll ride along. It is tough, but you really have given this t a decent chance. Do you have a means of getting psychiatric care?

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I'll ride along. It is tough, but you really have given this t a decent chance. Do you have a means of getting psychiatric care?

Thanks! I feel that she's had more than her share of chances. The potential new T said that she knew someone or was affiliated with a p-doc and the HMO that I go to has a "Behavioral health" department. I see my p-doc for the last time on April 11th as she is resigning to raise her family.

I'm so nervous about tomorrow! At least it's at 10am and not later in the day. Can't wait until this is behind me.... I see potential new T for the 3rd time Tuesday afternoon, so that's good too.

[SoConfused623]

Unfortunately, I have to report that I did not officially end things today. I tried but it turns out that there was a big misunderstanding that we talked about for a for a while. We ended up running out of time so I scheduled an appointment for next week telling her that I'd hear her out and then decide. She does know that I have half of foot outside the door.

I just don't want to end things if they can be resolved. I know I'm super wishy washy here but guess that I'm just not ready or want to make this decision knowing that we did our best.

Thanks for all of the support! I will keep everyone posted!

[Pennster]

Originally Posted by SoConfused623

Unfortunately, I have to report that I did not officially end things today. I tried but it turns out that there was a big misunderstanding that we talked about for a for a while. We ended up running out of time so I scheduled an appointment for next week telling her that I'd hear her out and then decide. She does know that I have half of foot outside the door.

I just don't want to end things if they can be resolved. I know I'm super wishy washy here but guess that I'm just not ready or want to make this decision knowing that we did our best.

Thanks for all of the support! I will keep everyone posted!

I think it's ok to be wishy-washy. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I was a little worried about what you had said about feeling pressured by your friend - it sounds like something you have to be sure of yourself. It sounds good you are taking a little more time to be sure.

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by Pennster

I think it's ok to be wishy-washy. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I was a little worried about what you had said about feeling pressured by your friend - it sounds like something you have to be sure of yourself. It sounds good you are taking a little more time to be sure.

Thanks so much Pennster! you're right, I'm just not quite ready. I certainly haven't recommited to this t, but said we could meet one more time and then decide. However, honestly I hope we can work things out. She knows so much about me including so many personal secrets and has never once shown any judgement and that is huge to me!

I just don't know what to say to this friend of mine. She cares a lot about me, but is completely adamant that this T does me know good. I don't want to lie, but can't bring myself to tell her the truth.

On top of this,if the roles were reversed I'd be telling all of my friends or people on PC that they should leave too! I'm finding that it's easier said than done!!

[Wonderfalls]

" but it turns out that I can’t continue to see my p-doc if I don’t have a T at this center"

I don't know how many therapists they have at this center but it sounds like you're going to have to resolve your problems with this therapist (You say she says she'll only answer personal questions if you can convince her you have a good reason for asking.)

" She promises to answer my questions going forward as long as I tell her why I need to know. A few weeks ago I decide to ask T a couple of benign questions and she refuses to answer them!!"

The deal, as I understand it, wasn't that the questions be benign but that you convince her you need to know the answers.

OR If none of this satisfies you though then I would of course switch to the new therapist and give him a real chance to help you.