should I go to a therapy?

Hello!
(Apologies for posting so many threads in such little time, hope you don't mind)
Lately, I've been thinking more and more about finding a therapist. I feel like I'm either getting worse or not getting better at all. I have even stronger urges to self-harm, and sometimes I give in, although I had been clean for a while. My mind is constantly occupied with negatives thoughts and the want not to live. I don't think I would give in to my suicidal thoughts but they are becoming more frequent. Also, I will be in my last year of college next in September and I'm worried it will mess up with my mind even more.

The thing is that I am afraid to ask for help. I mean, for some reason I've always been afraid to ask for anything from anyone, even my parents (even simple stuff like going to see movies with friends). I am a very shy and quiet person, and I always try to avoid showing any negative emotions. I have also trouble talking to new people, it makes me somewhat anxious and afraid. I mean, how could I get some help from a therapist if my personality probably would ruin my chances. I have never, and I mean never, talked to anyone about my feelings. Like I 'joke' about hating my life, wanting to die, or self-doubt, but I always say it in that tone of voice that might imply that I'm just joking although I mean it.
Also, my mind is trying to convince me that I'm faking my mental health issues since I've never been diagnosed, It makes me think I'm faking it because I should be happy since I have a wonderful life, and other people have it worse.

My college offers free counseling services for mental health, and they can even give some good therapist recommendations. I was thinking of going there first, but I'm terrified. I would need to talk to them about myself and that scares me. I am afraid of them thinking that I am faking it too, or that I'm exaggerating, or that I'm just doing it for attention, or something..

I don't know. I guess I just wanted to ask your opinion or advice. Would it be worth trying it? Do I even need it?

I can relate to a lot of what you say. I just got out of my session with my T after missing a couple of sessions because I was in denial and felt like I was wasting his time. I'd say that therapy really helps me. Decreased urges to hurt myself, venting, etc.

I think it would be worthwhile to go to your college counseling service to get started out. The people there should be skilled at helping people who are anxious about going there for help.
Good luck

Good idea.

I was in a similar place to you at around the same age, (I am guessing from your mention of college) possibly younger, and I did have forced counselling, but it didn't work for me at the time. I only say that because I know now that it should have been able to help, but that I didn't know how to get what I needed and they had no idea what I needed. I remember repeatedly being told "I cannot help you if you won't talk". That was an excuse in their part, because they were not good enough to know alternative ways of helping people to express themselves.

I, like you, had never talked to anyone about emotions before, and I didn't have a clue how to do this. I am only learning now, with the help of my therapist, nearly 20 years later. The 'proffessionals' also had no idea how to help me. Things have changed over the years and processes have moved on, slightly, but traditional talk therapy is, here in the uk, still the primary method of counselling.

This may be OK for you, and you will only know if you give it a try and see if you ate able to trust and open up to whoever it is that you end up seeing, if you end up seeing anyone. But it may not be OK for you, and I guess I want to tell you that's OK, that there are other ways without talking, because I so dearly wish someone had told me that when I was your age. My life could have been so very different if I had found a safe place to express myself, to learn about myself, to be myself.

You say you "shouldn't" feel bad because others have it worse than you, but we can't help the way we feel. Someone on here recently said that we wouldn't say "I shouldn't feel happy because others have it better than me". True, to me, anyway! You deserve help and support as much as any single other human being, and if there is something available to you, then if you want to, you have every right to go and grab it and see if it helps.

I still don't talk much in my sessions. I write and my therapist talks. I also draw or play or show her things that I have taken in. Basically, we interact in any way that is best for me on the day. Somedays, that is talking, other days it is not, and that really is OK.

Only you will know what is best for you, but I would say, most things are worth a shot, if the alternative doesn't look good to you.

Since you have the option of going to the free stuff at college, why not give it a try? People who just want attention can usually find attention some other way. I think the counselors will do their best to help you understand what it is that you need rather than judging you for showing up and asking for help.

Strong urges to self harm and the feeling of getting worse both sound like good reasons to seek help.

Thank you all for your answers! So I finally gathered up enough courage and made an appointment for next week. I already get anxious thinking about it.

They said they we will go over the available support and probably talk about my problem.
My question is, how do I tell them about it? Should I just say 'hey, I probably have deression.' Any advice? How did you do it?
(Sorry for probably being lame and annoying)

Good for you, sounds like a very positive first step! The way you suggested sounds like as good a way as any to be honest. It is always going to be difficult and I think most people would be anxious. We don't tend to discuss our problems with others, especially those we don't know, so its all a bit different. I wrote some stuff down on paper and took it with me to read, but that is me, you just do whatever feels best for you.

The way you described your issues in your first post seemed very clear to me. I would also include the anxiety around seeking help.