Couch 137: Jung's Obsession

Whether there's deeper meaning there or not, it's not for them to dictate relevance of that in my opinion. I think it is leading and patronising.

My therapist is certainly there to help me. Otherwise that was an expensive chit chat.

Thanks, I'll take one.

Hugs, BCM.

I've been thinking about this. One idea that occurs to me is to move to a small town or an island, where people care more about what you can do than about what you are certified to do. A place where there are no specialists and all the bright kids have moved away and they desperately need talent. Where the wages are low but the house prices are lower. Where things are more personal (for better or worse). And you could have a pony.

Just a thought. And I could be idealising a situation I know nothing about.

***** ⚠️ trigger for alcohol usage******

I has this moment tonight when I was at dinner chugging my vodka drinking looking for the buzzed feeling as quick as possible that perhaps I may have started to have maybe a bit of a problem with drinking. Not that I drink it when I shouldn't but I do it for unhealthy reasons.. I have spent this week hiding my drinking from my in laws because they are offended by it, but maybe more because I know I have been purposely drinking to deal with this week.. it helps me feel better. Helps me not get all worked up with espouse their conservation Christian hate, or helps me deal with spending a week with my husband, whom I in the process of trying to separate from him. Ugh.. too many feelings.

Nothing wrong with leaning on alcohol a bit to get through a situation like that... Of course, maybe you shouldn't listen to me, as I'm on beer #4...(well actually #3.5 because I split a Stone Enjoy by 4/20 one with H so it wouldn't go bad!).

How much longer are you at your in-laws'?

Thanks. BCM?

hugs healed. i don't have any answers for you but if it helps i'm doing it for an unhealthy reason right now myself... i don't want to think about what i'm thinking about... it's my own dang fault i'm the one that brought it up to t last night...

((Butterfly))

I'm sorry T cancelled

I really wanted to catch up on the couch today, but this has been the longest day known to man and I'm exhausted and I want nothing more than to eat and sleep.

I just wanted to quickly update. T texted me on my way to work, I was able to make it through my day without having a meltdown due to exhaustion, and my session with T was...the best I've had with him for sure, and maybe the best one ever. I'll be happy to update more tomorrow if anyone is interested.

((((Couch))))

Night

Thank you daisy. Good night!

Brain fart, sorry Butterfly!

We leave Saturday morning.. it is bittersweet because I love the ocean where we are, but sick kennel for around all these people.

And I think it is more on my radar only because t has questioned recently my drinking and whether or not I was beginning to have issues. Though, sometimes I think t is a little more sensitive in this area because he as admitted to having a problem in the last with drinking.

Sorry Echos.

Bad Facilitator actually said something very similar to this. He said, "I don't claim that I can help you."

Its okay.

Really sorry. I'll go grab a morning coffee.

Just wanted to make sure I didn't have a new nickname, lol.

No no xD My brain confused you with BlessedCheesemaker because I skipped the 88 and fixated on the B.

Oh okay.

oh couchies i was just laughing so hard and it was such good medicine!! the two older cats were fighting, and kitten was up in her cat tree watching them fight, and h tossed a shoe at the fighting 2, and it soared right in front of kitten (did not hit her) and the older cats took off and kitten jumped down off the tree and went to said shoe on the floor and sniffed it, then walked past looking for the black cat (she loves him for some reason) and he was in son's room watching her approach, he crouched down ready to attack her, and kittens tail got SO fat, fatter than I've ever seen it, and she crouched all down too, and they were at a standoff. I swear the older cat is sometimes afraid of her even though she weighs half of what he does. That huge, fat tail on little miss petite was SO funny!!! I tried to get a pic but she took off.

I just had the most awful rehearsal

i just started the active imagination that t suggested last night that i do, with the dream from a couple nights sago and i am supposed to ask the him in the dream who we both agreeis my animus (yes that again ugh) what his name is, and if it is him that always says "i dont' know" when she asks me a tough question. i had stopped with the i don't knows for awhile but they have come back with a vengeance it seems, i just did some of an active and i asked him that questiona nd i learned that yes it is him that says it and he says it because he is protecting me he said that if he let me realize that i knew the answer and if i said the answer to t that i might get hurt and he is protecting me from getting hurt. he said he is always protecting me that is his job. i tried telling him like t suggested that he needs to let ME drive my car and be the queen of my internal castle and that he needs to rule with me as my king but he laughed at that and said that he could not protect me that way. i feel like such a damaged mess right now and i wish i had never started this internal conversation. i can't remember any other active imaginatinos that made me feel this way. blergh. feels like there's a lot of truth in it though. i can't type right now. i think i'm going to go ask h to watch tv in bed and just hold me for awhile. i feel kinda lost and like i don't know who i am between the disconnectedness at work today and this. i'm glad i see t next week. maybe i'll just get over all of this by then and i won't want to go anymore. doubtful though. I have to wonder something. I wonder what i would be like right now this minute if my Dad hadn't passed away in 2013 and I'd never gone back to therapy. (I was on a several-month break at the time and considering not going back.) I wonder. I really do.

but on a completely unrelated note, lest anyone think i've lost my sense of humor, that commercial for VI Poo cracks me the heck up!

hugs hugs hugs all around to anyone who wants them. i feel like i could use a truckload of 'em right now. sorry for the word vomit.

lord have mercy if i sent this active to t tonight she would probably text me and ask if i wanted to come see her tomorrow!! ha. yes i do. hell i want to go see her right now this very minute. i'm trying to be mad at her for giving me this homework. but i can't. because i need to do it. i don't know if i want to laugh or cry right now it's like something is splitting open inside of me. oh god sorry you guys. just tell me to shut up.

I just called my mother after three weeks (after usually calling her every week and sending her money every month [which I just stopped doing after I found out about some financial skullduggery on their part]). Told her I'll next call her late next month.

After tossing a bunch of rapid-fire enquiries as to whether I'm mad at her (yes, but I told her No coz no point in saying anything), my health, my job, my finances and whether I'm off to a retreat + some desultory strong-arming tactics at getting me to call next week, she simply said "Take care" and hung up in...............a little less than........drumroll please........4 minutes (I checked my cell logs just to make sure I hadn't imagined it).

It's nice. I think.

(Sorry, I'm being super dramatic. Am off to get some tacos [after skipping dinner, thanks to nausea at the prospect of calling] -- I believe in their power to bestow cheeriness and low-grade whininess at most.)

please. seriously. somebody tell me to stop. wait what was that bob newhart thing?

"STOP IT!" yeah that was it somebody tell me that k?

skullduggery. great word.

Art...its okay! I shan't tell you to shut up

Awkwardly: You are better than me! I almost never call my mom (she calls me), and the guilt starts setting in around week 3ish or so, and know she will call soon.