Attachment issues resolved

I've decided to talk about my experience of therapy with my new T and how completely different it is from the relationship I used to have with my former T. I think it could be useful for people who have attachment issues and who believe they will keep repeating this intense attachmen pattern. Some background: five months ago exactly, my ex T terminated me with a letter. I was deeply attached to her. For the following three months I struggled a lot, alternating between missing her and being angry at her. Five months later, I can definitely say that I'm over her. I rarely think about her and I don't miss her anymore. I have found a new therapist. I thought I would again attach to her in the same way I did with my ex T and I was wary and scared. But the thing is, I've realized how unhealthy my relationship to ex T was: it was literally an addiction (obsessive thought, constantly missing her, feeling like I wouldn't survive without her, etc.) and now that I got out of it, my life is so much more happier and calmer. I like my new T, she's alright. But I don't think about her much, I don't miss her, I don't desperately wish to be part of her life like I used to do with ex T. I go to my session, I talk about changes I want to accomplish, I talk about stuff that has come up, I stand up, we shake hands and I leave. And that's it. No agony, no empty hole, no counting the days until my next session. I understand that this sort of therapeutic relationship wouldn't appeal to some people and that's fine. I just want to say that it is possible to not repeat hurtful patterns. I don't have any out of session contact and that is imo a good thing because it means I don't expect her to spend time I don't pay for on me. I no longer expect unreasonable things from her: that she'd love me, that she'd think about me, that she'd miss me. In my opinion, it is unrealistic to expect these things from a therapist. All this to say that if you are in a the midst of a painful transference process and you think you will never get out of it, know that it is possible to later form a healthy relationship with a new therapist.

Thanks for sharing that Myrto - it does give me hope...

Do you think it's possible to form a healthy relationship with the same therapist, though?

Thanks Myrto! Really glad to see your positive take on this.

Iv'e also had some therapists who I didn't feel attached to, but strangely for me, they weren't that helpful. I couldn't make use of them like you are doing here, i suppose. Thinking back, that may have been the timing.

Now that the flood gates have opened, things have never been the same. I don't have those longings or wishes or obsessive feelings anymore with my current therapist, except for once in a blue moon, but new issues have arisen for me to replace them.

You've been inspiring-I was always impressed how well you came out of this.

Are you still seeing her once a week?

It's true that I had to change therapists (or rather be terminated) to realize how unhealthy the whole thing was. So I'm sorry to say that I don't know whether it's possible to form a healthy relationship with the same T you're having transference for. I was only talking about my experience. But it must be possible with a skilled and competent therapist (which my ex T definitely wasn't, considering she didn't even *believe* in transference). I hope you will manage to overcome this attachment, I know how attached you are to your T. Hugs.

Thank you. Yes I still see her once a week. I wouldn't be able to afford more anyway.

Thanks for sharing Myrto - that sounds really positive.

The only thing Myrto...i remember now you are with a psychoanalytic therapist. Normally, therapists of that orientation have a way of drawing all of those feelings out of you. It can get intense....