[20oney]

Is there a point to the between session struggle? Why does it always have to be so hard? Why is it easier some weeks than others? I don't understaaaaand.
I have had enough, and I want out.

Rant = over

[Rizzar]

Yes, 20oney, the time between sessions often for me is problematical. Talking the talk during sessions is much easier than walking the walk between sessions. The growth through change one brings about is the reward. Perseverance is essential.

[QueenCopper]

For me it depends on what we talked about or worked on in therapy. This week the session was pretty much about how horrible I feel after session and for several day after and I have been pretty stable. Last week was totally different and I felt like I needed another session. My therapist says it is normal. Maybe your therapist can help you with this. ((((gentle hugs))))

[AnxiousGirl]

Agreed with QueenCopper. It depends on what we talk about in session too. Like this past session was dull and I barely contributed so I don't really have issues in between sessions, but when we discover something big or get closer in our relationship then I constantly think about T until the following week.

[LonesomeTonight]

I also think it depends on what's discussed in session. Like in my last marriage counseling session, I ended up discussing some really painful thoughts and feelings. So it's been a struggle since then--doesn't help that my individual T was on vacation this week, so I couldn't talk to her about it as I normally would. I ended up sending MC a couple e-mails, which helped (but then waiting for a response was difficult...)

I think it's just really difficult--and a bit unnatural--having what can be a really emotional conversation with someone, then it's like, "OK, time is up, see you in a week." So then you're left alone with all those emotions. Sometimes it feels like an emotional wound has been reopened with a session, and like it can't really be healed until you see your T again.

I also have issues with insecure attachment, and I'm particularly attached to my MC, so that makes it more difficult...

[20oney]

This is what I don't get, it doesn't seem to make a difference what happens during session, I always seem to leaving feeling dissatisfied or something.. Then the struggle begins, my mind goes over and over the idea of just being able to sit down and talk with my T again. But ultimately, come time to do this, all of my defences come up, and I'm not able to access that level of emotion to even explain or discuss it..

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by 20oney

This is what I don't get, it doesn't seem to make a difference what happens during session, I always seem to leaving feeling dissatisfied or something.. Then the struggle begins, my mind goes over and over the idea of just being able to sit down and talk with my T again. But ultimately, come time to do this, all of my defences come up, and I'm not able to access that level of emotion to even explain or discuss it..

I had similar problems. Glad to be out of that pattern. I think part of it has to do with this:

“Attachment is the drive for closeness and proximity to another human being for the purpose of being taken care of, or of taking care of someone else”. —Gabor Mate MD

Therapy puts the client in a terrible bind in this respect. An hour of proximity then nothing. I think the whole concept of "attaching" to a therapist is a disaster in the making (for some) for this reason.

[dlantern]

If you are into ur 30s or older then it is just ur time. The needy depending is what you should expect finally someone you trust to help you pass the pertinent issues over the years and how to properly cope.

[20oney]

Originally Posted by BudFox

I had similar problems. Glad to be out of that pattern. I think part of it has to do with this:

“Attachment is the drive for closeness and proximity to another human being for the purpose of being taken care of, or of taking care of someone else”. —Gabor Mate MD

Therapy puts the client in a terrible bind in this respect. An hour of proximity then nothing. I think the whole concept of "attaching" to a therapist is a disaster in the making (for some) for this reason.

Exactly! So what is the idea behind it all then, surely there's a point to it all? I think this is probably fairly accurate for me actually, but surely there has to be a reason behind it?

How did you get past that pattern?

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by 20oney

Exactly! So what is the idea behind it all then, surely there's a point to it all? I think this is probably fairly accurate for me actually, but surely there has to be a reason behind it?

How did you get past that pattern?

The idea behind attaching to or depending on therapists? I guess the idea is to provide a "corrective emotional experience" via some sort of reparenting scenario. Sounds good on paper. In practice seems pretty insane, unproven, dangerous. The details are rarely elaborated, nor are the risks. I question whether this practice should even be allowed to exist.

I meant out the pattern as in not in therapy anymore.

[20oney]

Originally Posted by BudFox

The idea behind attaching to or depending on therapists? I guess the idea is to provide a "corrective emotional experience" via some sort of reparenting scenario. Sounds good on paper. In practice seems pretty insane, unproven, dangerous. The details are rarely elaborated, nor are the risks. I question whether this practice should even be allowed to exist.

I meant out the pattern as in not in therapy anymore.

Ahh I see. Yeah I can agree with the practice being a ***** sketchy.. Pay someone, in my instance, for an hour of their time every fortnight, to gain what exactly? I always leave feeling like rubbish, back out on my own, still surrounded by every problem that I went in there with. I view the process negatively, but at the same time, I'm not ready to give my T up. It is the only space for me where there is someone who knows and sees a little more than the rest of the world. And while I don't share a lot with her, it is somewhat comforting to have her there.. Comforting but extremely depressing.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by 20oney

Ahh I see. Yeah I can agree with the practice being a ***** sketchy.. Pay someone, in my instance, for an hour of their time every fortnight, to gain what exactly? I always leave feeling like rubbish, back out on my own, still surrounded by every problem that I went in there with. I view the process negatively, but at the same time, I'm not ready to give my T up. It is the only space for me where there is someone who knows and sees a little more than the rest of the world. And while I don't share a lot with her, it is somewhat comforting to have her there.. Comforting but extremely depressing.

That was my experience to large degree. I understand being in that bind, feeling somewhat dependent and yet you are feeling worse. For me it was useful to at least see clearly that the process itself was directly causing distress. I found that therapists would rarely or never acknowledge this. I had to work it out for myself, instead of accepting their blame and shame tactics. Getting out can be empowering, as can telling a therapist in no uncertain terms that the process is making you feel worse. Not always easy.

[20oney]

Originally Posted by BudFox

That was my experience to large degree. I understand being in that bind, feeling somewhat dependent and yet you are feeling worse. For me it was useful to at least see clearly that the process itself was directly causing distress. I found that therapists would rarely or never acknowledge this. I had to work it out for myself, instead of accepting their blame and shame tactics. Getting out can be empowering, as can telling a therapist in no uncertain terms that the process is making you feel worse. Not always easy.

Yeah that's it.. I can see that in some respects it makes me feel worse, but I've also gotten out of therapy with a different T, for similar reasons. I didn't feel it was helping, and yeah I wasn't feeling good being left like that. But with a couple of months, I found a new one. She's a lot different and seems to get it a little more. Which I think makes it even more difficult between sessions. It's just hard to know what would be better. A strong part of me wants to cling on, but another part knows that it can't work like that.. silly therapy

[pepper_mint]

I think it's good (at some point) that we feel so attached and have a hard time between sessions. At least it seems that we are really engaged in the process and a therapists became really important for us. And generaly, for me it's good to feel anything (even bad), since I'm no so "emotional" person.

Also, it means that we've got some problems with attachment and this kind of stuff, so we can work on this (why we feel like that, what it reminds us of etc.).

So, I accepted these feelings (for me, it is more difficult after deeper sessions) and I hope I'll learn something new about mysefl by discussing this.
However, it's still really annoying that for us, these feeling are soooo strong, it takes us a lot of time to think about the therapists, and for them it's just a job
(I'm not saying that they don't care, but still... soooo unequal relationship :-/)

[20oney]

Originally Posted by pepper_mint

I think it's good (at some point) that we feel so attached and have a hard time between sessions. At least it seems that we are really engaged in the process and a therapists became really important for us. And generaly, for me it's good to feel anything (even bad), since I'm no so "emotional" person.

Also, it means that we've got some problems with attachment and this kind of stuff, so we can work on this (why we feel like that, what it reminds us of etc.).

So, I accepted these feelings (for me, it is more difficult after deeper sessions) and I hope I'll learn something new about mysefl by discussing this.
However, it's still really annoying that for us, these feeling are soooo strong, it takes us a lot of time to think about the therapists, and for them it's just a job
(I'm not saying that they don't care, but still... soooo unequal relationship :-/)

Yeah I know what you mean. It's a terrible feeling between sessions, but it does seem appropriate. like you say, it's an unequal relationship that really sucks sometimes. I just wonder how is this doing me any good? Or is there going to come a time when it will pass...