Why do you love your T?

The session went as expected. I'm not going back. No love lost there.

Some days I feel like I love her and other days I feel like she is a business partner. It's very conflicting at times. She is a good therapist, she is human and sometimes she misses the mark. Other times she is spot on. Sometimes I wonder if I have reached a plateau, other times I feel like I have much to learn.

What happened??

I started by apologizing for not calling the other therapists, and being difficult.

Then, she just started talking to me like it was talk therapy, asked me what's going on.

I told her I have been coping very well with my relationship issues. How I understand it is what it is, it's unchangable, and I know who I am, what I am, and can cope without SH because that did not help me.

She said, "I'm not so sure."

I told her I have been dealing with losing my family over what happened with my mother, and explained again to her what happened. She told me what I did was crazy (yes, she said 'crazy'!), and made me feel bad for how I feel about the situation, like I should be ashamed.

But, I defended myself and said I don't need to convince anyone else what i did was right. I don't care what she thinks. I felt about it the way I do and I don't regret what I did.

She suggested I just give my mother what she wants (money) because I can afford to.

I really didn't like her attitude. I felt she had total lack of empathy for me. It was like she challenged everything I said and told me what to do.

She said, "We'll see what happens with your mother". Even that, just rubbed me wrong.

As we left her office, she told the receptionist "6 weeks", and I blurted out, "You just want to hear the outcome of my story". She said "It's up to you." So, I did not make another appointment and left.

And as I was talking, she takes out her prescription pad and starts writing my name. I started chuckling and said "Are you writing me a prescription?" She said, "Do you need a refill of your Cymbalta and allergy med?", I said, "You don't write those for me, I get them from other doctors. You don't write me any psych meds."

Lots of more triggering little things were said. One of her responses when I said something positive about myself was she said, "Now that's a new one."

I don't even know what that means, I have only seen her 4 times!

Because she is the only person who has really tried to get inside my massive walls. Because she is the only person to have the patience that I need to trust and open up to. Because she seems to genuinely care about what we are doing together in this work.

Ugh I think I threw up in my mouth a lil after reading your that!!!

Yes please don't go back, she sounds batshitcrazy!

She should prescribe herself some pills, and some empathy too while she's at it!

It wasn't even a suggestion to give my mother money. She TOLD me that's what I should do. "Because your mother is as old as she is, you should just..."

Boy do I feel like crap now.

I have only been in therapy for 7 months but really liked my T straight away and bonded with and trusted her very quickly. I think you have to click/Bond for it to work

She always goes above and beyond for me. She knows me better than anyone. She talks to me about her life. She gave me her cat. She gives presents. She is tough. She is loving. She is compassionate. She knows how to cut to the core of an issue. She doesnt deal with bullsh*t. She tells me positive things about me. She has helped me more than anyone.

My T and I have almost the exact same sense of humor, sometimes it can lead to us getting distracted in session but at least I'm glad she understands me when I'm goofy and I feel accepted when I go in there. She listens to me. She likes data, which is appealing to me, but she isn't overly reliant on it, which is important because data collection is so often flawed.