[Jessica Hazlitt]

A couple of weeks ago something triggered my anxiety. I don't know what, a lot of it is still subconscious (hence break from therapy rather than ending). But all my physical symptoms are returning. Eczema, chest pains, fatigue. I struggle to sleep but then when I do I have nightmares that wake me in terror, or that scare my partner enough he wakes me. I've been missing T a lot anyway, but then last night I had a dream about him. It made me realize just how much I miss him, and I know it's stupid. I'm just a name on a list to him. This is the first time I've felt I need him, but because I don't know why, its making me frustrated with myself. For the first time in over a year I've thought about s.h. I swore I wouldn't now I have a baby, but that's just making me more annoyed with myself!

Note I want to contact T to tell him how being away so long is making me upset and worry I won't see him again, should I? Is it stupid? I know it sounds clingy. I've not contacted him for 4 months (and six months before that). I've drafted something, think I'm too cowardly to send.

[BonnieJean]

I'm sorry you've hit a rough patch. It sounds like it would be a good idea to check in with t and tell him what's going on.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

A couple of weeks ago something triggered my anxiety. I don't know what, a lot of it is still subconscious (hence break from therapy rather than ending). But all my physical symptoms are returning. Eczema, chest pains, fatigue. I struggle to sleep but then when I do I have nightmares that wake me in terror, or that scare my partner enough he wakes me. I've been missing T a lot anyway, but then last night I had a dream about him. It made me realize just how much I miss him, and I know it's stupid. I'm just a name on a list to him. This is the first time I've felt I need him, but because I don't know why, its making me frustrated with myself. For the first time in over a year I've thought about s.h. I swore I wouldn't now I have a baby, but that's just making me more annoyed with myself!

Note I want to contact T to tell him how being away so long is making me upset and worry I won't see him again, should I? Is it stupid? I know it sounds clingy. I've not contacted him for 4 months (and six months before that). I've drafted something, think I'm too cowardly to send.

I would reach out to him (I assume you're allowed to have contact during the break--I know it's through a clinic, right?). It sounds like you're really struggling. Even without the dream, it seems like you could really use some support right now. So I'd reach out.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

In the past if I contacted him about something sensitive I directly pmd him on facebook so not everyone in the office can see it. I'm also technically not a client at the moment, he has every right to ignore me. That might be worse than not reaching out.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

In the past if I contacted him about something sensitive I directly pmd him on facebook so not everyone in the office can see it. I'm also technically not a client at the moment, he has every right to ignore me. That might be worse than not reaching out.

I doubt he'd totally ignore you. He might say that he doesn't feel comfortable helping you if you're not a client, but from your past posts about him, he seems to really care about you. So I'd try reaching out.

So did you not end up going back to him after you had the baby? I was thinking you were going to.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I doubt he'd totally ignore you. He might say that he doesn't feel comfortable helping you if you're not a client, but from your past posts about him, he seems to really care about you. So I'd try reaching out.

So did you not end up going back to him after you had the baby? I was thinking you were going to.

I am still awaiting a place. I got through the waiting list as far as being reassessed and told i'll get a place, but requesting a specific T means I have to wait for him to have a vacancy at the time I come to the tip of the list. Making life difficult for myself as usual

Fb message still not read yet, ugh

[Jessica Hazlitt]

UPDATE

Just had an email via the office. Not only does he hope to have a vacancy in the next two or three weeks, but he wants to see me this week to re-establish contact. Feeling relieved, but tense.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

UPDATE

Just had an email via the office. Not only does he hope to have a vacancy in the next two or three weeks, but he wants to see me this week to re-establish contact. Feeling relieved, but tense.

That's great! I'm glad you'll be able to see him soon. Though I understand you being nervous since it's been a long time since you've seen him...

[chihirochild]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

UPDATE

Just had an email via the office. Not only does he hope to have a vacancy in the next two or three weeks, but he wants to see me this week to re-establish contact. Feeling relieved, but tense.

So glad to hear this! It sounds like you've been missing him for a loooooong time now.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

UPDATE

Just had an email via the office. Not only does he hope to have a vacancy in the next two or three weeks, but he wants to see me this week to re-establish contact. Feeling relieved, but tense.

Yay! I understand being tense about it, though. Glad you held out for the good t.