[annielovesbacon]

So I have been in a horrible depressive episode lately, one of the worst ones I've ever experienced. I can't function or do anything. But I had a big paper to write and I was desperate, so I purchased adderall (one 25mg xr pill) from someone on campus.
The thing is, it didn't just help me write my paper -- it made me feel like a person again. It wasn't like I was high or anything, I just could function and be normal and feel happy. I felt the way I felt before I developed depression, years and years ago.
So I bought and took another pill and had the same feeling -- I felt like the "old" me. Taking adderall helped me feel better than any antidepressant I've ever been prescribed.
I want to bring this up to my T and pdoc, but the thing is, I'm a college student and I know many students will lie about having ADHD symptoms to get an adderall script to sell or abuse for school. I don't want that. I don't pretend to have ADHD. But I want to be able to take it every day, so I can feel normal and happy. Do you think it's worth bringing up with my T and pdoc?

Yes, definitely bring it up. They can do a quick test for ADD, but you don't have to have ADD to be prescribed them. Before i tested for ADD, more than one psychiatrist prescribed me stimulants for depression. They helped me a great deal, they are one of the better drugs out there for depression. This is really oversimplified-not everyone has a 'serotinin' imbalance, it's silly. Stimulants work on dopamine.

The only problem with those is that i think they can lead to blunting of your dopamine recepters of you take them for a few years. I take them off/on and small doses. Not ideal, but they are the best antidepressants I've had. They take away anxeity, lift mood, and help get on task/not procrastinate-my amotivation and cognitive problems-memory and focus (but not a huge difference). Mostly mood.

With what you described, i'd recommend it for sure. I was in college when i first took it, and he was ok with it. I didn't take it for school, i took it for a motivation problem that manifested while in school (this was just before my depression came out).

I did have people asking for it in college once one person found out, but I did not give it away. And believe me people beg. I couldn't betray my psychiatrist though. Not that 1 would hurt here and there. But you have to watch cuase people try to steal them.

After college, I took it for depression here and there over the past few years. My last pharmacist was really interested in it-a bright young guy. I told him all about taking it for depression, and that it was a good, clean drug-one of the better ones out there. He was very interested. Some pharmacists demonized it, doctors too. Well I better stop going on and on.

Ask them if you can take it for depression. They might not let you if you haven't tried ADs, but if you have, they might even if you don't have ADD. Be honest.

Well I'm posting on Ambien again, so i should stop.

Give it a try.

[Demunie]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

So I have been in a horrible depressive episode lately, one of the worst ones I've ever experienced. I can't function or do anything. But I had a big paper to write and I was desperate, so I purchased adderall (one 25mg xr pill) from someone on campus.
The thing is, it didn't just help me write my paper -- it made me feel like a person again. It wasn't like I was high or anything, I just could function and be normal and feel happy. I felt the way I felt before I developed depression, years and years ago.
So I bought and took another pill and had the same feeling -- I felt like the "old" me. Taking adderall helped me feel better than any antidepressant I've ever been prescribed.
I want to bring this up to my T and pdoc, but the thing is, I'm a college student and I know many students will lie about having ADHD symptoms to get an adderall script to sell or abuse for school. I don't want that. I don't pretend to have ADHD. But I want to be able to take it every day, so I can feel normal and happy. Do you think it's worth bringing up with my T and pdoc?

I had a similar experience last summer. A friend of mine gave me a pill to help study (won't write here what it was though). That was one of the best days I had in a long time. I actually had the energy to do stuff! I felt like a normal human being too.

Hugs... I think you should bring it up with your T/pdoc. I never did because I felt too guilty, but I kind of regret it. Your pdoc can't say more than "no". I doubt that lying would be a good option though. They know you for some time and would probably get suspicious if you started experiencing adhd symptoms

I think for you this is a problem. You have written about abusing drugs and alcohol in the last month. This is another drug you are abusing. I suspect if you tell your pdoc about all of your alcohol and drug abuse including this, he is pretty unlikely to prescribe another med that you don't hold the diagnostic criteria for that has the serious potential for abuse and addiction.

I do think you need to be completely honest with your pdoc and T about your substance abuse issues.

, I just could function and be normal and feel happy. I felt the way I felt before I developed depression, years and years ago.
So I bought and took another pill and had the same feeling -- I felt like the "old" me. Taking adderall helped me feel better than any antidepressant I've ever been prescribed.

Just wanted to add-i felt completely 'normal' too like you describe, but the effects wear off sooner than later. Not tolerance perhaps, as taking more doesnt help. I think it does something to desensitize your dopamine receptors.

It still makes my mood feel normal at times, but it doesnt really give me energy. So its not a miracle drug or anything. I dont take it everyday as it doesnt work as good anymore and sometimes makes me more tired.

And yeah, those people selling it-well thanks to them, it makes it more difficult for people with depression to get the drug from doctors and even pharmacies. It happened to me before and I even had a valid prescription. If you truly need the drug one wouldn't be selling it. So it ruins it for people who truly need it.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I think for you this is a problem. You have written about abusing drugs and alcohol in the last month. This is another drug you are abusing. I suspect if you tell your pdoc about all of your alcohol and drug abuse including this, he is pretty unlikely to prescribe another med that you don't hold the diagnostic criteria for that has the serious potential for abuse and addiction.

I do think you need to be completely honest with your pdoc and T about your substance abuse issues.

I agree thank you for bringing that up, I think with my substance abuse issues it probably will be hard to get my pdoc to prescribe this to me. However it is mostly benzos that I abuse and he keeps prescribing them to me?! Idk, I'm just frustrated that we have been working together for two years to find medication that will help alleviate my depression and anxiety and NOTHING has worked. I am seriously losing hope that anything will ever make me feel better.

I don't think a substance is going to be what makes you feel better in the long run, but right now that seems to be what you are trying to do to make you feel better. You may be looking in the wrong place.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I don't think a substance is going to be what makes you feel better in the long run, but right now that seems to be what you are trying to do to make you feel better. You may be looking in the wrong place.

I'm trying to tackle my issues with a combo of therapy and medicine, neither of which seem to be working, so I turn to alcohol/drugs, which obviously make things better for a minute and worse for the long run... except adderall, that is the only thing that has helped. I know it is not good to depend on a drug, I guess I've just latched onto the idea of taking it because it's the only thing that's made me feel truly happy in a long long time. I don't know what to do. I am losing hope that anything, medicine, therapy, or anything, can help me

[kecanoe]

I would tell my pdoc. I was prescribed stimulants for depression; it didn't really help me. But my pdoc was willing to give it a try. I have a history of drug use and alcoholism, and I don't have ADD.

Even if pdoc won't prescribe it, the information may give helpful information about the best way to treat your depression.

[Cyllya]

I think they might be more worried that you want it as a euphoriant.

However, it is sometimes used off-label for depression, so it's worth bringing up.

I don't have real statistics for this, but the impression I get is that official antidepressents tend to help a larger percentage of people (especially long-term) with depressive disorders but amphetamine tends to have fewer and milder adverse effects--despite the horrible reputation it has! So I wish more doctors would try stimulants first and then SSRIs and SNRIs when the stimulants don't work, instead of the other way around.

You may have more adverse effects from amphetamine if you take it sporadically, because of withdrawal effects. (Probably not as bad as SSRI withdrawal though!)

(Personally, I take sertraline fore MDD and dysthymia and Adderall for ADHD.)