[str8uptruthandlove]

So I've only seen my new T twice, and so far I really like her. She's patient, empathetic, and seems to know her stuff (as far as treatment and disorders). But there are certain things I've always struggled with talking about in therapy.

Sexuality and related issues- I'd like to know if I'm truly 100% asexual, or simply have an aversion because of past abuse. However, this topic seems sure to bring up triggering issues, and I hate crying/having a panic attack in front of new people. Which seems counter-intuitive, because if there's any "safe place" to do so, it's in therapy.

Tics/self-comfort movements- When I'm very anxious, I rock back and forth or have nervous "tics" to soothe myself. For some reason, I've always tried to hide these in therapy. Not really sure why.

Borderline Personality Disorder- Many shrinks seem to have a stigma regarding Borderlines. I know myself, I know I can be difficult, but I also know how much this particular issue has improved for me in the last ten years; no small feat, and I don't want to hear if my T has a prejudice against Borderlines, since that could be a make-or-break issue for me.


What do you guys think? Am I being a coward here? Should I bite the bullet and get it over with? Or should I stay reserved for a few more weeks?

[velcro003]

You've only seen her twice? Some people throw everything at their T early on to see if their T can handle it, but I am a more cautious person.

I will say if you felt connected within the first few sessions (and it seems so), go with it. I know our gut instinct is not always right, but for me...it made a huge difference with a T that has helped me more in 2 years than in 5.5 with my previous T, whom I never really felt conected with.

I don't think any of those things should be off the table. A good T should be able to discuss these things with you without prejudice or judgement. Early on in therapy, my T tried hard to earn my trust to be able to talk to her (i am not good at talking about feelings or anything difficult), and she was like "Have you murdered anyone? It is okay if you have, because even murderers aren't all bad. No one is." When I laughed at that, she said she thought she would just start off with one of the worst things a human can do, and that she wanted me to know that it would still be okay to talk about with her.

She has gone through various things like that throughout the years to let me know that ANYTHING i say is okay with her, and I truly believe it.

I also struggle with my sexuality (i have wondered about asexuality too...still do somewhat, but not as much as before), and though my T is straight as far as I know (husband/kids/always mentions past boyfriends), she has absolutely no unease in talking about sexuality issues with me. In fact, I am sure she wishes I talk about it more, because I avoid it mostly

Maybe go in next time, and whatever feels most important to talk about at that moment, you bring it up and see how your T reacts. Or you can start with what you think is less triggering for you to suss out a reaction.

[str8uptruthandlove]

Originally Posted by velcro003

I will say if you felt connected within the first few sessions (and it seems so), go with it. I know our gut instinct is not always right, but for me...it made a huge difference with a T that has helped me more in 2 years than in 5.5 with my previous T, whom I never really felt conected with.

I also was not very connected to my last therapist. She was sweet, but very old and seemed out-of-the-loop as far as recent psychological training/advances. Needless to say we never got very far; I was disconcerted by how easy it was to lie to her. She just smiled and nodded her head emphatically every session. I still don't know why I kept going back.

This new T seems much more savvy. To be honest, it feels like she can see right through me. Which is nothing short of terrifying, but it also means she'll call me on my BS. Which I need sometimes.

Originally Posted by velcro003

Maybe go in next time, and whatever feels most important to talk about at that moment, you bring it up and see how your T reacts. Or you can start with what you think is less triggering for you to suss out a reaction.

I'm just now realizing how strange it is that I've never "tested" a new T this way, since I've done it many times in the past with friends/potential boyfriends. I think that's a very good idea. Maybe I'll start with the question of "asexual or simply averted", and see how she reacts. If I find it triggering, I can stop at any time. Maybe bringing up a topic that upsets me will show her that I really am serious about getting better.

Thanks! I'm glad you found a T that works for you!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't think any topic should be off limits. I have BPD. My Ts and Pdocs are informed from the start. I don't want to waste my time with any of them if they're going to judge me. Thankfully, my T and Pdoc don't judge me. In fact, they directly help me with the symptoms.

I don't really talk to my T about sex. Maybe 3 times in 2 years. But I don't really have issues around sex. But each time I have, she's thanked me for trusting her enough to talk about it. She knows I don't like talking about it.

[jesswah]

Nothing should be off limits. If you think you can manage to talk about it, bring it up. It's definitely worth bringing up at least one to test the waters and if T does handle it well... then you know it might not be a great fit.

I've only seen my T 11 time and brought up transference, which then led to a discussion on sexuality and she seemed quite comfortable with it given that she was steering the conversation. Hadn't even been on my radar of things to talk about!

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by str8uptruthandlove

I'm just now realizing how strange it is that I've never "tested" a new T this way, since I've done it many times in the past with friends/potential boyfriends. I think that's a very good idea. Maybe I'll start with the question of "asexual or simply averted", and see how she reacts. If I find it triggering, I can stop at any time. Maybe bringing up a topic that upsets me will show her that I really am serious about getting better.

Thanks! I'm glad you found a T that works for you!

I hope it goes okay!! I also am glad that I found a T that works

[bounceback]

Nothing is really off the table unless you feel uncomfortable. I have talked about all these things you mentioned with T's not in the beginning but over a period of time after feeling somewhat comfortable. I wouldn't say not anxious because just talking about this stuff would bring up a lot of anxiety for me. We have a lot of the same issues. Just share a little bit about yourself to test the waters and get a feel for how she will react. If she reacts positively then share some more. Trust takes time to build especially when starting any new relationship. Sometimes writing down what you want to say is easier. It was for me. Good luck to you.