[stopdog]

Do you wait to talk to a therapist before making decisions? Is it to have some person sit there while you muse about it or does the therapist do anything you find useful when you are faced with a decision?
Not the daily garden variety sort (Unless that is the sort you do tell the therapist about)?

Depends on the decision I want to make.

"Hey T... how should I use my toilet paper? Should I crunch it or fold it?"

vs

"What should I tell my pdoc about my dislike for medication? I was thinking about saying XYZ"

[atisketatasket]

No - I decide what to do, I do it, and then tell them about it if I want to tell them.

I decide what I want to do.

If I'm uncertain because the decision affects my relationship with someone, I might talk about it with T.

Recently I talked about what I should do about my sister saying she wanted to be my friend. I wasn't certain if I wanted to draw closer, stay the same distance, or distance myself further.

I feel it helps to talk with someone who can ask questions I may forget to ask myself, and who isn't personally invested in some agenda over the outcome (unlike others in my life), and who is "supposed to" think about my well-being.

I know the decision is up to me, and that I bear the consequences.

[feileacan]

No. I only tell him about my decisions if it somehow affects him. For instance, I notified him after I had decided to move abroad for some period because it would have been ridiculous to let him wait for me to come to my sessions when I'm not even in the country anymore.

[captgut]

He can't give me any advice, so I decide myself and then tell T.

[junkDNA]

hmmm no, not really

No, I'm a pretty decisive person. I don't really need his help making decisions.

No, I usually made the decisions first then told the therapists if I thought it was something I wanted to bring up.

[growlycat]

Rarely as I have no problem with everyday decisions. But changing jobs and moving across country are the ones I will talk to therapists about. Yes they can be helpful in helping me weigh one scenario over another. Some of my therapists do corporate consulting so they know a bad work culture when they hear one.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I don't have a therapist at the present moment and have not for several months, but whan I do - whether or not i talk to the therapist before making a decision is based upon 3 things:

- the time frame it needs to be made by vs the time frame before i can speak to my counselor again (if II will not be able to speak to my counselor before I need to make the decision, then the decision neefs made anyway)
- how important the decision is (if it isn't going to impact anything much one way or the other even if I make a "bad" decision - there is no need to discuss with my counselor)
- the subject matter of the decision (if it is not something that interferes with my life enough that I need to discuss it on a regular basis with my counselor, then I don't need my counselor's help making a decision about it either)

[anais_anais]

Most of the time the thought never crosses my mind. The exception is when I had to make decisions involving my parents. I continue to have no idea how to handle those people. I don't know them at all and they don't know me.

[Elio]

When I was unstable, I felt like I had to talk to T about making many minor decisions... not like what clothes to wear but if me and my wife was talking about a purchase that was of higher than usual amounts (like anything over $200), I'd feel like I needed to talk to T about it. I was also have a large amount of relationship and work issues at the time, so there was lots of talk about how to talk to other people about things - not so much if or if not to talk but that is what I wanted answered.

Now, it is more having someone there listening to my musings and it is more the bigger things in life - such as my next surgery and do I push this or accept that and why. My T is a D.O. so sometimes I ask for out and out general medical advice too. I also talk to her about how to discuss things with people because that is an area of weakness for me. I no longer go in asking if or if not... but I want to ... so how best to.

[unaluna]

Well, having gotten married and engaged without telling my ts beforehand twice with disastrous results, yeah now i do talk to my t before making decisions. Its more about having someone who is on my side and knows me to talk things over with. That was unfortunately not the case earlier in my life - my parents just wanted to get me married off asap. They didnt really care about my future, if that parses.

[nottrustin]

Sometimes if it is a major decision that can affect my future and mental health. I am a caretaker who sometimes will jump into a decision without thinking how it will affect me. One example my father whom I had not had contact with for years died very suddenly leaving behind with beginning ztavea of dementia. She had no family besides my brothers and I. She needed to have a guardian. My brother was the only one to step forward. However I wouldn't trust him as a flies guardian. T and i discussed this T at length over several appointments . I wanted to do it for step mom but feared how it could cause problems. Finally T agreed that I should be the guardian.

No. At the end of the day, I know what is best for me. For instance, I stopped taking a medication a couple days ago because I hypothesized that it's been causing a lot of my mood issues recently. Now, I did ask T today when he noticed the sharp decline in my mood, and he confirmed my hypothesis.

But waiting to make a decision based on T? No, that's not what I use his services for.

The caveat to that would be if it were a super major decision and I hadn't decided what I wanted to do yet. But to be honest I can't even think of something that would fall in that scenario for me.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I feel it helps to talk with someone who can ask questions I may forget to ask myself, and who isn't personally invested in some agenda over the outcome (unlike others in my life), and who is "supposed to" think about my well-being.

I know the decision is up to me, and that I bear the consequences.

This is how I see it, too. Sometimes I ask T to help me talk through a decision. Sometimes I even specifically ask for advice, when I am not sure how to handle something, because I trust his perspective and the fact that he looks out for my well being above all else.

No way and this used to really irritate ex t. She used to say how can I help you if I don't know what's happening in your life right now. I don't think therapists know anymore or any less than anyone else but a lot of them act like they do!

Well, one of my issues is actually that I tend not to ask for advice before making decisions, even from people directly involved in my life, let alone therapists. I did talk to them about some of my dilemmas but I never waited for anything from them with making decisions. In most things that I wanted to address in therapy, I don't think that the Ts knew enough about the problem and the reality of different options to help with making informed decisions.

[Nammu]

If I do it's more a talking out loud situation not because I want advice.

[Salmon77]

If I'm having trouble making a decision and I'm in session, I talk to T about it. He doesn't give advice, but talking can help me clarify my thinking or bring up some factor that hadn't occurred to me before. I make decisions on my own, though, I don't wait for therapy.

[InnerPeace111]

I voted no. But maybe I should have voted sometimes. I always make the final decisions myself no matter what --- whether I discuss it in therapy ahead of time or not. If I need to make an important decision and it happpens to coincide with a therapy session, then I will discuss it with my T. If not, I will go ahead and make the decision myself. I generally have (or work toward having) a felt sense regarding the decision-making process so that helps me a great deal.

[skysblue]

If a decision is tough and I've discussed the emotional aspects of it with T, I will use her help to talk things through before I'm able to come to a mental place where I can make a good choice.

I voted 'sometimes' because most decisions do not require the guidance of my T.

[feileacan]

I thought about these questions a bit more and realised that for me it would be a progress when I would start to discuss my decisions with T. I have been very independent since very early age and I'm not sure I even can discuss my decisions with anyone. For example, when I considered going abroad I did not actually discuss this decision with my H, even though it affected him very much. We had some discussions but I guess these discussions where necessary for me only to assess his possible reaction. To be completely honest, in terms of decision-making I never truly considered his input. He has told me many times later how he felt trapped because I just decided my self and he had no choice but to accept my decisions.

So, I figured I should actually try to work towards discussing my decisions with T. Perhaps if I manage to do that with him then I can actually start discussing my decisions with H too.

[SoConfused623]

I make life changing decisions (ending relationships, job changes etc) after talking about it with my T. She never gives advice, but asks lots of questions to help me clarify what is best for me. I really struggle with life decisions and find it helpful to talk about them out loud with an insightful person and that person is typically my T, but I have some good friends that I talk about major decisions with too.