[lauren_helene]

Applying the trigger icon tonight. I am completely falling apart and I can't stop myself this time. I had a session today and have another one tomorrow.

Although, why bother? T forgot I even had one tomorrow. After our long discussion last week about how I need more from him for awhile...he said 'he forgot' and I almost imploded. So I'm forgettable now? Nice.

I was so mad at him for that tonight I could've thrown something at him...I think I even said I felt like hitting him and he said something about not being into pain...

I am tired of being forgotten or insignificant to him. Forgotten also by my husband (which I couldn't care less about anymore), father, brother, etc. I'm tired of my feelings being minimized or ignored like in my p-docs office yesterday.

I had major side effects on Lamictal so wanted to switch to Topamax and we did that because she said 'it is clear that being on lamictal is quite worrisome to me'....biatch. Oh forget the little rash that appeared and the fact that my moods are AWFUL.

Also, My dad arrives on Friday and it will be me, him and my son all day alone plus all weekend. Great. I have finally moved forward on my plan to begin my new life, it is a slow start and T and I talked about it for a bit.

I can't go into the details here but I'm not doing so in the healthiest way but it is my way and what I need to do right now to save my sanity.

I certainly can't keep calling T between sessions and having them ignored or forgotten can I? I didn't tell him that part but you all know that here.

I can't imagine why I'm posting this here in this state. I haven't felt this desperate in a long time...

I truly hope you are all well...truly

[Lemon]

almeda, I'm sorry you are in so much pain right now. I'm glad you get to see T tomorrow even if you are frustrated with him. Take care of yourself.

[ECHOES]

((almeda24fan))

I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

I hope tomorrow's session is a good one and that you feel better from it.

hugs

[lauren_helene]

Thanks...maybe I just expect to much of him...

Sunny: where is your therapist?? I need a hug...

[ECHOES]

(standing in for Sunny's therapist)

(((((((( almeda24fan ))))))

[lauren_helene]

Thanks Echoes...he's proof that a little goes a long way! Darn it!

If Sunny opens this she'll be like 'what the @#$%'...good night girls

[sunrise]

(((almedafan)))

What is the trail you are leaving behind? Of what?

I am sorry you are hurting so much right now.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
T forgot I even had one tomorrow.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">If it makes you feel any better, my T never remembers stuff like appointments. I don't take it personally at all--that's just him, and I'm sure he is like that with all his clients.

Ouch, that comment on Lamictal from your pdoc!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
my moods are AWFUL

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">almedafan, you are going through a lot right now, with your husband and family and all of that. Because of your life events, your moods are not going to be good! I think meds cannot fix everything when life is so trying. I hope you will treat yourself well and not expect too much from your moods right now. Just feel the pain. It may hurt, but it's real, and it's you. I know you will get through. (((hugs)))

I hope the visit with your dad goes well.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I have finally moved forward on my plan to begin my new life, it is a slow start and T and I talked about it for a bit.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Congrats on moving forward. One step at a time. Sounds like a great topic for therapy.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sunny: where is your therapist?? I need a hug...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Sorry, he's not here right now, but here's one from me to you. (Hey, even I didn't get one from him this afternoon. )

LOL, now somehow my therapist has gotten the reputation of being the huggy guy. He doesn't do it every time, folks!

almedafan, best of luck in your session tomorrow.