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stefano
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Default Jul 02, 2007 at 08:04 PM
  #1
OK, so this episode has subsided. It was one abundant month of suffering and now it is over untl the next time.
I could be grateful, after all, but I can't restrain from wondering one thing: there will ever be one day when I will not feel that being born was an awful deal???
Every day I wake up and think "damn, this crap is true: I'm alive". And it is OK until I'm not actively suffering...
Since my first depressive episode, 13 years ago, I have the opinion that every newborn child had better die in his cradle and never grow to the consciousness of being doomed to pain, fear, maybe a little happiness, and then face his death.
WILL I EVER CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT THIS?
WILL I EVER GET TO THINK IT IS GOOD TO EXIST?
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sassypants
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Default Jul 02, 2007 at 08:21 PM
  #2
I read your post and also wondered many times, Why do
people have to suffer from many mental illnesses. I still
don't know the answer, but I know the pain is very real. I
also know that the man above put us here for a very good
reason. The birth of a child is truly a miracle, and I hope
that you change your mind one day. This is me talking,
when I am also diagnosed with major depression. I cry,
many times and ask, when will it all go away. NO answer
yet,since the doctor's can't find the correct med's for me.
It's been like this for 6 years. I wish you well and please
take care.
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meander
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Default Jul 02, 2007 at 08:37 PM
  #3
Stefano,

it's really awesome that you made it out of this one, congrats :-)

I don't know, to be honest, if you ever will change your mind. I want to say, yeah sure there's so much good and beauty and love in the world everywhere you look, but actually I guess there's just as much darkness and hatred and evil and indifference as well. I don't know.

I guess one way to deal with it is just hope that one day you will feel differently, but depression seems to feed on hopes and dreams.. I think all I can offer you is try to live in the moment, try to see any amount of positives that you can, even if they are outweighed greatly by the negatives, enjoy whatever happiness you can muster, and live the best you can trying not to fear the return of the depression....

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If you're going through hell, keep going.... (Churchill)
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Default Jul 02, 2007 at 10:55 PM
  #4
Life with all we are or not blessed with is truly a god sent wonder. The birth of a child that could change the world is a miracle.. I hope you make your way thru the haze, the monster makes us say and do things we look back on and question....

May peace suround you, we are!!
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gostryter
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Default Jul 03, 2007 at 12:28 AM
  #5
hi stefano - glad to hear you are feeling a little better. like meander said - congrats for making it through this one!

i know exactly how you feel about being born into this type of life. i don't want to have kids because i'm afraid of passing it on (depression runs in the family)

my parents tried for seven years to have a baby - and along i finally came. i have to wonder if i was in heaven all that time trying to talk God out of sending me!!!! but i guess he knows best.

hope you are able to find enjoyment in the coming days and months!!!!

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I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people. ~ Isaac Newton
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stefano
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Default Jul 04, 2007 at 07:58 PM
  #6
Thank you all folks, I also forgot to mention that support from this community really helped me.
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