A short while ago i had posted about how i thought T2 had forgotten what I had disclosed to her about my CSA. it turns out she hadn't forgotten and just didn't want me to feel like I was being forced to talk about it. i've also gone from seeing T2 from every other week to seeing her every week since i've stopped seeing T1.

T discloses about herself here and there when it's relevant to what i'm talking about. since i've been seeing T for a longer time and seeing her more frequently, i'm learning more about her. T is no longer a stranger to me. the problem is that i find myself liking her as a person. i think i might even look up to her. i ask myself what would T do in different scenarios in my life. age wise, it makes sense that i would look up to her since she's a bit older than me but i don't remember looking up to anyone else before so i'm a bit weirded out by all of this. is this unhealthy? how do i deal with this? do i need to go back to seeing her every other week?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Looking up to someone usually isn't an issue. And age doesn't have to make a difference. You can look up to someone who is younger without anything being inappropriate.

[Waterbear]

I often think, what would T say or maybe even do, in certain situations. For me it is because I am learning what an emotionally healthy person might think or say or do. Seeing my T it has been like seeing the world through a different set of eyes, in a way, because she does help to explain the world to me.

For example when I see someone walking down the street and they seem as if they are looking at Mr and I get scared, I can hear my T say, "maybe they are scared of you, and just keeping an eye on you" even though she had never said that. That's just one example.

Not sure if it makes sense, but again, in social situations, if I am getting freaked out, my T would probably take herself away from it by just making a polite excuse and leaving. I find that difficult, but knowing that she might do that helps me to do what is best for me.

She comes across as pretty stable and emotionally healthy to me, so I have no problems with my looking up to her or thinking "what would T say, or do." Some of this is still me, and I would never follow this 100%, because it is all about balance, but it gives a different viewpoint for me.

[BayBrony]

If you grew up in an abusive home, one of the goals of therapy is to internalize a voice that models healthy self love and boundaries. Most of the time, that is your Ts voice in part. So it sounds like you are starting on that process

[anais_anais]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

If you grew up in an abusive home, one of the goals of therapy is to internalize a voice that models healthy self love and boundaries. Most of the time, that is your Ts voice in part. So it sounds like you are starting on that process

Yes, agreeing-- when my T suggested I internalize their voice as a replacement of the voice of my critic/bad parents', I was confused. I wondered if it was having bad boundaries to do that. It felt very transgressive to keep the voice of my T with me this way, a red flag of sorts.