[Sawyerr]

My T is having a birthday soon and I've been preparing a gift for her for about 2 months. I know it may sound pathetic but I really wanted to make something special for her.

I bought her a couple of things: a mug, coffee, purple leather notebook, and black chocolate. That's because 1. she loves coffee and black chocolate. And I thought everyone needs a notebook. I don't know.

Then I wanted to make her something personal. And I bought a jar and wrote on it Dear ****, a jar full of reasons why i love you. And I wrote reasons on papers and make it into rolls and put them into jar. I hope you understand what I mean.

I wonder what are the reasons why do you love your therapist? What does she/he do for you? And do you think the gift is too much? I just wanted to tell her how much she means to me, because I can't say it.

[ShashaCruz]

are you trying to have a romantic relationship with your T? my T always gives my probation officer a good report even when i misbehave. he has asked me to sit on his lap a couple a times and kissed my neck one time. not sure where this is going

[DodgersMom]

i personally would feel weird telling mine i loved him. that being said, if you are ok doing it, it sounds fine. might be nice of her to go through and read and remember her job makes an impact

so far i would just say that i LIKE mine alot because he is very patient and kind and talks to me like a friend and doesn't judge me. its very helpful for someone with major trust issues

[BayBrony]

Do you two already use the word "love" in your relationship?
If you do I think it is a sweet gesture. Everyone likes to hear positive things.
If you don't use that word in your relationship be prepared for it to be awkward. Of course you could always change ur to "reasons why you are the best T" or something.
As an aside how do you know your T's birthday? I have been seeing my T for 5 years and we are very open but o do not know her birthday. Of course I've never asked bc I felt giving a gift or card might make it seem like i expect something In return and that wpuld be weird

[atisketatasket]

I get fewer presents on birthdays from individual family members. So I think the amount is too high (which could also get awkward). Maybe pick ONE thing to give? And do you know if she accepts gifts?

It seems like a lot and perhaps a bit over the top with the reasons why I love you notes, but perhaps that is how you normally interact with your therapist.

[feileacan]

I personally wouldn't give a gift to my T for his birthday (and I've never done it) but I don't feel being in the position to judge whether your gift is too much or not.

I love my T very much. I've told it him on several occasions but I think he would know it also without me telling it. And I know that he loves me although nowadays he prefers not to say it (because in my native tongue, using the word "love" feels somewhat artificial, I think people have traditionally used other words with the meaning of "holding" and my T is very interested in the traditions of our language), I can feel it in my sessions with him.

Why do I love him? For me the answer is plain and simple. Children love their parents and he's the only mother my inner child has had. And he has been a very good mother.

[Sawyerr]

Thank you for commenting.

I am not sure about giving her a birthday gift anymore. I've been seeing her for 4 years and she bought me something every year. She was also the one who started with gifts on birthdays. It was only last year I bought her something.

I also think that when someone makes you feel safe, when she knows how to comfort you and how she gives you affection, etc. You eventually start to trust that person and feel love for her. I just wanted to express it to her, what does she do, that make me love her. She could interpret it also as why she is a good therapist for me. Or what does she do, that helped me grow emotionally.

[ScarletPimpernel]

If birthday gifts are normal for you and your T, then go for it.

I gave my T 9 gifts for our "transition" day. She liked all of them. All of my gifts had a self-made element to it though. She said she appreciated it more than store bought things (just my T though). Anyhow, some people here on PC told me 9 gifts were too much. I asked T beforehand if 9 was too many, and she said that so long as she could carry it down to her car, it was okay.

The jar "might" be overwhelming. Have you ever told her you loved her? I've told my T twice. I personally don't feel the need to express it multiple times. Could you make the jar about how she's helped you? Or how she's a good T? I give my T compliments a lot. I know she likes knowing that she's doing good.

Only you know your T. If you think she'd be okay with the gifts, then go ahead and give them to her.

[growlycat]

If it feels right to you don't hesitate to give her the gifts. Everyone does therapy differently and you know what is best for you.

[brillskep]

I think this depends on what your therapeutic relationship is like, cultural context too, as well as your own history and habits, and you know these things best. What are your doubts, exactly? I mean, it sounds like you feel safe with your therapist and have given a gift in the past.

For me, your gift seems appropriate and thoughtful. I've given larger gifts to my therapist on his birthday. Then again, to me giving things like food / drink / a mug is symbolic, and I am personally used to exchanging larger gifts on special occasions (that is more than just one thing), so it's not just my therapist for whom I do this. It's more about what I enjoy doing for people in my life whom I cherish.

I also made something similar for my therapist a couple of years ago, also on his birthday - I gave him a little porcelain box with things I appreciate about him as a therapist and which have helped me throughout the years of working together. It was one of the gifts he seemed to be happiest about. I think that kind of gift is the most meaningful - I've also done similar stuff for other people in my life.

My therapist likes getting gifts. He gets all cheerful, like a child on Christmas morning. I like expressing my appreciation, gratitude, or love through gifts (I started it, he never even mentioned how he felt about getting gifts before I gave him something). So that's why it mostly works out in my therapy.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Sawyerr

Thank you for commenting.

I am not sure about giving her a birthday gift anymore. I've been seeing her for 4 years and she bought me something every year. She was also the one who started with gifts on birthdays. It was only last year I bought her something.

I also think that when someone makes you feel safe, when she knows how to comfort you and how she gives you affection, etc. You eventually start to trust that person and feel love for her. I just wanted to express it to her, what does she do, that make me love her. She could interpret it also as why she is a good therapist for me. Or what does she do, that helped me grow emotionally.

I think it's perfectly natural to come to love your t, especially if you've been with her for 4 years. I loved my old t and we exchanged I love you's all the time. What works for one may not work for another, all of which are right for that person. So, do what feels right for you. You know your relationship with t better than anyone here. Trust yourself and do what ya gotta do!

[Sawyerr]

Thanks again to everyone who replied to me.

If I trust my intuition, I feel the gift I made is appropriate and will make my t happy. I also feel, I want to let her know how I feel about her and what she taught me and how I have grown in those 4 years with her help. Those are all things I put in that jar. What I appreciate about our relationship and other things.

I feel it's right to give it to her. And I am not ashamed confessing my feelings to her. I just felt a little discouraged when I read some of the replies. I thought my gift is not appropriate and is too much. Because I really don't want her to feel smothered by my gift. I don't know. I'm still thinking about it and am not entirely sure if I will give it to her or not.