[subtle lights]

My T does Gestaly therapy and I'm not sure it's the best for me. Correction, I am sure it is not the best for me, but right now I don't have other options plus don't want to leave and start agin from the beginning.
I think it helps though, but it is a bit too chaotic, jumping from topic to topic, and I feel I'm getting lost. It seems to have a lot of emphasis on me being a responsible adult and I sometimes just to be a child there...Or need some guidance, I don't know.
Otherwise I like the freedom in it, in comparison with CBT for example where all we did were exercises.
There is this element of trying to keep everything in the present moment, and sometimes I hate that because I want to talk about my childhood but I feel I shouldn't, I don't know. He doesn't say I shuldn't, I can talk about anything, but still.
I think there is potential, but I miss some kind of structure and connection, like I'd like my T to ask me about what I told him last time, but he almost never does. Like if I start talking about an issue at the end of the session, next time he won't ask about it. It's like amnesia therapy. I guess this is the present-moment focus thing...
And very often I only warm up towards the end, so then I open up but it ends too fast.

My T identifies as more of a follower of Rogers, but he does utilize quite a few of Gestalt techniques as well. I personally like it versus CBT because often times in CBT my therapists would lead me to talk about things that felt unsafe to me, and boundaries are difficult.

I don't know for certain how a pure Gestalt therapist feels about past experiences, but I talk about the past a lot! As I do, T will point out my present reactions to the conversation. "You just looked at the clock." "Why did you make that face?" "I see you bouncing your foot a lot."

Don't be afraid to talk about whatever is important to you in the moment. Often times in my sessions T will ask me a question, and in the context of the conversation I'll say, "oh, that made me think of X event from my childhood." It's still staying in the present, but I don't walk into session saying "well, time to talk about my mom." It's just about whatever feels pertinent at the time. This is probably why my session yesterday was so weird to me.

Is it chaos? Yes, but in hindsight I'm seeing connective themes and growth.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by daisydid

Don't be afraid to talk about whatever is important to you in the moment. Often times in my sessions T will ask me a question, and in the context of the conversation I'll say, "oh, that made me think of X event from my childhood." It's still staying in the present, but I don't walk into session saying "well, time to talk about my mom." It's just about whatever feels pertinent at the time. This is probably why my session yesterday was so weird to me.

The thing is that when I'm there I'm usually overwhelmed so it's really hard for me to talk about really important stuff. For example these days I went through something that was constantly on my mind but then when I go to T chances are I might start talking about something else. He says, that then probably the other thing was not so important. But I think it was as it has been eating me away for days. Just that in T I can't focuse because of the overwhelm.
And then I get out of there frustrated that I haven't talked about anything except me being overwhelmed and at the end I got to something deeper but oops, the clock is ticking, and it's soon over.

Can you email your T? In my case it's not really possible, probably because it doesn't fit into the "present-moment" paradigm. But I do have issues with opening up in the present moment and my thoughts start flowing only towards the end of the hour, but then it's over and I would need it so much to share things with him but I can't. And the next time it is the same all over...

Originally Posted by subtle lights

The thing is that when I'm there I'm usually overwhelmed so it's really hard for me to talk about really important stuff. For example these days I went through something that was constantly on my mind but then when I go to T chances are I might start talking about something else. He says, that then probably the other thing was not so important. But I think it was as it has been eating me away for days. Just that in T I can't focuse because of the overwhelm.
And then I get out of there frustrated that I haven't talked about anything except me being overwhelmed and at the end I got to something deeper but oops, the clock is ticking, and it's soon over.

Can you email your T? In my case it's not really possible, probably because it doesn't fit into the "present-moment" paradigm. But I do have issues with opening up in the present moment and my thoughts start flowing only towards the end of the hour, but then it's over and I would need it so much to share things with him but I can't. And the next time it is the same all over...

Have you expressed to your T that you're feeling overwhelmed in session? Because you're right, that would definitely make it more difficult to share things that you feel are important.

Your T saying "it wasn't important," isn't quite right, but I've had experiences similar in my sessions. I walked in one time and said something to the effect of "I have so much to talk about and don't know where to start." My Ts response was, "well, what feels most emotionally pressing right now?" Not that the other things weren't important, but that I was most affected by what we ended up talking about.

I don't email my T, no. I've texted him once, but that was in a semi-crisis moment. I've never discussed out of session contact with him, so I don't know what his boundary is. The no contact thing is a Daisy boundary. I don't want to become too reliant on any T.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by daisydid

Have you expressed to your T that you're feeling overwhelmed in session? Because you're right, that would definitely make it more difficult to share things that you feel are important.

Your T saying "it wasn't important," isn't quite right, but I've had experiences similar in my sessions. I walked in one time and said something to the effect of "I have so much to talk about and don't know where to start." My Ts response was, "well, what feels most emotionally pressing right now?" Not that the other things weren't important, but that I was most affected by what we ended up talking about.

I don't email my T, no. I've texted him once, but that was in a semi-crisis moment. I've never discussed out of session contact with him, so I don't know what his boundary is. The no contact thing is a Daisy boundary. I don't want to become too reliant on any T.

Yes, he is aware that I'm overwhelmed, or at least I repeat it a lot and we talk a lot about me not being able to talk
Which might be in itself helpful but sometimes feels like a waste of time. That "well, what feels most emotionally pressing right now?"" sounds very familiar, he's asked me the same thing many times. But then I felt frozen and unable to focus and bring up anything.

How long have you been seeing your T?

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by daisydid

How long have you been seeing your T?

About three months.

I would hope that as you get to work with your T more that you would be able to more easily articulate what's going on in session. If not, then something that has been helpful for me is to journal and bring it into session with me.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by daisydid

If not, then something that has been helpful for me is to journal and bring it into session with me.

I'm not sure my T would be okay with that. I thought it would not be compatible with the here&now approach. Your T suggested that or was it your idea?

My idea. I didn't walk in and say, "now let us turn to page 17 and I will read." I always try to articulate first what I'm thinking, and if I'm struggling I'll pull out the journal. But while I care about some boundaries (out of session contact, touch, asking personal questions of T), most I don't. At the end of the day, I employ my T to provide a professional service to me. If he doesn't like my approach, he's free to no longer take my money.

[subtle lights]

Seems like no one else has had any experience with this....