[granite1]

after she cut off contact on mothers day .i was a bit messed up and i tried to talk about it with my T and it did not go well at all . our last session didnt go well either when trying to talk about the mother . she says i try to argue with her and make it about her when talking about the mother . she even seems to get defensive about it . last session i was getting upset and she said here we go now you are going to start feeling all bad start crying and shut down .she said it in a mocking way so that sent me into a huge panic and spiral.i was going to try and talk to her again about all she had to say and how her statements made me feel etc... but now for some reason the mother has decided to send me a card almost a moth after mothers day saying thank you for the gift and that it allowed her to go out and have a nice mothers day dinner . i dont get it and i want to talk to my T about how all this makes me feel and what is going on and so on but i feel i cant do it because of my T feelings about me when i talk about my mother .. i dont want to do find a new T i want to figure out a way to work with this .i dont know what i am doing wrong

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this; it's definitely not fair to you.

This may be a silly question, but have you told your T how upset you get when you and her talk about your mother? You shouldn't have to feel hurt by your therapist when you leave your session, so I'm not quite sure your T understands how much it hurts.

I think you literally have to state your feelings about you and her having discussions about your mother, and say that you want to work through these feelings so that you're not upset every time you leave therapy.

Good luck

[unaluna]

So... talk to your t about how this makes you feel. It's just one day. You're not saying anything else, it would be speculation, not fact. But you can talk about the one day to your t, and she should be able to be in that moment with you, and not rush past it. I think its important to feel and talk about what happens in that day.

[here today]

Originally Posted by granite1

. . .i dont know what i am doing wrong

I'm so sorry you're going through this, both with the mother and with the therapist.

You are not doing anything wrong. You are doing the best you can, the best way you can. Have you considered, and is it possible for you to pay for, a consultation with another therapist? Not to leave your current one, but to get some perspective, perhaps.

[satsuma]

I'm so sorry Granite.
My thoughts are that maybe your T was not mocking. I'm not doubting that you heard it that way, but just doubting that was what T intended. She has been so caring in the past, from all you have said. I don't think she would mock you.
I think probably, from things you have said, that your T sometimes feels very angry with the mother, because she has been so cruel in the past and still even now is trying to manipulate you. It's painful to hear about someone treating another person so badly the way the mother treated and treats you. So maybe T is speaking with a lot of emotion about the mother. I think that can make things hard. My T gets upset about some of the things I tell him, but he explains he is not upset with me, but with other people because of how they were with me.
I agree with the others that it would be good to try to explain how you feel.