The Couch 147: Maximum Break!

Going on a little two-day vacation to Maine tomorrow I planned it earlier this week but forgot until literally just now!

I'm not a fan of lines, like camping out for concert tickets or Black Friday special deals, it feels more like the DMV or something not fun for me. Anyway, Krispy Kreme doughnuts had their 80th birthday today and a dozen glazed for 80 cents. Of course DD1 wants nothing more than to get some. We waited in line an hour and some change. I'm so exhausted now I want to go right back to bed! We're supposed to shop, go see Wonder Woman, and get dinner before she goes to the beach tonight. The doughnuts did me in

(((STRESSED))) Is she gonna want pancakes at ihop on the 18th? I saw the ad on tv, its an anniversary, 3 for 59 cents? Something like that. that is so cool that you do this with her.

I'm feeling awful thinking about how much I hurt t and now I have to go interview. I hope I can get my **** together so I don't blow it. On my way, wish me luck.

You are simply having a real relationship. Stuff happens

Can i just say - i love the tv commercial where the little insurance box is climbing mt everest, then it turns out hes really in the freezer at the grocery store and he snags WHOLE WHEAT waffles, oh no?!!!

Mmmmm.. Omg.

Thanks for that. I always think it's not real just cuz it's different than most. But you're right. it might even be realer than most cuz I show more of my real self there.

I'm
So
Confused
About
S

I've been reading some of our emails (S and mine), and they are not manipulative.... they really do seem like genuine care and support.

"You are not nothing.
Stop telling yourself that you are.
You have to fight it.
You keep saying "this". You can't handle "this". You can't do "this".
What are you referring to?"

"You're not a burden.
I will call you tomorrow.
You're not pathetic."

"I'm trying to find the words to respond with that match the weight of yours, but I can't.
So I'll just thank you for writing them and congratulate you on rendering me speechless.
Just, wow."

"I'm glad you know that you can rant to me.
I do understand what you're saying and can honestly say I'd probably feel the same way if I was in your situation.
I'm sorry. I know today sucks."

"You don't need a reason to have a panic attack. They don't operate based on reason.
Are you ok now?"

None of this is manipulative. It's genuine...it's real. He cares. He was there for me. For real.

Or did. And was.

Then, he got a new job.

Then, cancer.

And everything changed....

And he ignored me when I cried in public.... and told me he didn't like girls crying in public with him because it made him look bad....

So there was really bad stuff in there too....

it's all very confusing.

Now I feel like the thought that he's narcissistic is in my head...

IDK. This is so f-ed up.

This hurts. It hurts.

I don't understand.

I am confused - are you still seeing him as a client, dating him or just being a normal friend.
If just a normal friend then he seems to be acting like that to me. For me, with friends, they can tell me those sorts of things and it is not a big deal. They can change their plans and not tell me and it is okay with me. Sometimes they move away and I miss them -but not in a distressing way. They can be busy and not respond for a few days and it is okay with me. I don't know what part is distressing to you. I don't need to of course, just that I am confused by your situation. I am sorry it is causing you distress.

Those emails are from when I was his client

I've not been his client for 3 months

I'm trying to be just his friend

He recently moved across the country (reason I stopped being his client) and was diagnosed with Lymphoma

I have not been able to adjust to being his friend or to the changes in him since his cancer diagnosis (he's self destructing and his personality has drastically changed)

So, I'm taking a break -- no contact for a month -- to try and figure myself out -- to try and figure out how to function without him

We had terrible boundaries as therapist and client.... really terrible

Today is day 4 of the no-contact break
This is the longest I've gone without talking to him in 3 years

The pancake thing hit me a few days ago.... I don't like restaurant pancakes and I don't usually end up liking my pancakes either.... so I went to a deli-type place yesterday and got challah french toast with blueberries. Oooohhhhhhhhmmmmmmggggggg

I went at 8:45am and I didn't need to eat again until dinner

It was transcendent.

Sorry -- the confusion and distress for me is that so many people have said that he is narcissistic and manipulative.

Our boundaries were terrible -- we broke so many boundaries you're supposed to have with a therapist -- and so my new T, people in my therapy group, pretty much everyone blames him for this... and think I should cut him from my life

I am in this inner battle over who he is... what he is... narcissistic? manipulative? or not?
The only people who witnessed our interactions were him and me
and he says it's in my head.

Ohooo I just noticed.... I am now a poo-buh

Sometimes you just NEED hi fat hi carb hi prot. Is it just me? Maybe my regular meals arent balanced enough.

For all - Letting Go of the Worry That Weighs Us Down.

I especially like the line "Other people's bricks do not belong in your backpack."

I made it through the interview. They asked a bunch of behavioral questions wanting specific situations in the answers. I tried to just be me and not just say what I thought they wanted to hear. At one point I felt like I was failing massively and almost started to cry. But I reined it in and pushed onward. They're hiring 2 people. Lots of competition. I just don't know. They said they expect to make a decision w/in 3 weeks. It's a long process for some reason. If nothing else at least I can say I tried, right?

Thanks for the link atat. Seems my backpack is so full of other people's rocks I had to change it to a suitcase on wheels.

I recently took an online assessment for a job application with a bunch of behavioral questions, much like what you described, and also about my work habits, etc. I felt like I answered a few "wrong" and then started just saying what I thought they wanted to hear. I mentioned this test to MC, and he said one of the points of them is actually to make sure the applicant is NOT just giving the answer they'd want to hear (oops!) So, sounds like you did the right thing in being honest in your answers. Plus, as you said, they know you and are familiar with your work. Good luck!

Ugh.. daughter's dance group performed today at the county fair.. I hate fairs, people, noises, hot... now sitting in the waiting room at t's office. Trying to prepare myself to talk about how I am still struggling with our little rupture a couple of weeks ago and still a bit angry with him. Wish me luck!

My BF keeps suggesting that T isn't helping me at all too... and therefore that he's bad and that I'm obviously not trying

easy for him to say....

And if he's saying that your T is bad AND you're not trying in the same breath, that's more than a little unfair

I guess that if I really tried I'd have looked for another T... I love my T though

It's 3.30 a.m and I'm awake. I know I promised not to bother you anymore... But I'm in a really bad place

(((captgut)))