My therapist asks me to borrow money

Look, even if we are upset by this therapist's behavior, this poster is grieving right now! This is a relationship that has gone on years, with someone who has been helpful. This is an extremely difficult and awkward situation that leaves me feeling heartsick.

This is what I would do:
(1) Cancel your next appointment. Don't go. Do not feel the need to make any excuses or explanations. Call when you know you will get the answering machine and say, "It's me. I'm cancelling my next appointment and future appointments. I will explain why later. Thank you for all the help you've given me." Hang up. If your therapist calls, do not answer or respond.
(2) Make an appointment with ANOTHER therapist. Go see this therapist. Talk over what happened. Get support for your grieving. Discuss what to say to your previous therapist and what to do.
(3) If it were me, after I had actually gotten myself away from this therapist and gotten another form of support, I would call the machine, or write an email or letter, keeping it *very short* and saying, "I wanted to let you know the reason why I left is that your borrowing money and pills was unprofessional and inappropriate for a therapist. I appreciate the help you did give me. But what you asked of me was wrong. " If you decide to report this person to the licensing board, you could add, "and this is why I reported your actions to the licensing board." That's it. That's all you say.
(4) I can understand not wanting to report someone you felt close to. I think it's probably the right thing to do, unfortunately. It would not be you "blowing up" their life. They are the one that did that themselves.
(5) But I don't think you have to make a decision on whether or not to report now. The most important thing is to GET YOURSELF AWAY from this therapist. Get yourself some support to deal with the end of this relationship, and to understand this relationship you were in.
(6) Don't meet this person again. Don't give them a chance to try to "explain." Under no circumstances should you feel the need to engage with them or justify your actions or explain anything. Stay away! This therapist is acting in an abusive way. I can understand your wanting to honor and remember the good that was in your relationship. I can understand your having ambivalent feelings. But take them to a neutral third party! Don't take them to someone who has exploited you and who appears to be having some kind of personal crisis! It is not your job to take care of the therapist; it is supposed to be the therapist's job to take care of you.

I am sorry this happened to you and I hope you can find the support you need in real life, as well as on this form. I know it must be so disappointing.

Please do not tell me how to post. Everyone here answers in a way they feel is helpful. Just be be clear I am not supporting the idea that this is in any way the op's problem. I was hoping it would make op not feel guilty for shutting off the loans.

I think any way you slice it, your therapist friend has some serious issues. Your t's behavior is one of desperation. That doesn't mean you are a fool or were an easy mark, or that t isn't a good person. It means that your t's impairment is causing him to do what he feels he has to do to survive, at any cost. Whatever is going on for him, he's in pretty deep.

You don't have ruin this persons career or life by reporting him. Just the same, enabling him by meeting his requests has the potential to ruin his life also. This is hurting the both of you. He's putting you in unfair situations. Giving him Xanax, an addictive benzo, or any other prescription drug is illegal. You can get into serious legal trouble for that. For him to take your money knowing you don't have it to spare is not only desperately unethical, it's selfish (to put it mildly).

So, suggestions I have is to first and foremost start putting your needs first. Your t is putting his needs first and not considering the consequences his disturbing actions have on you. Intentional or not, he is doing harm to you. Figure out what is best for you and act on that, be it confronting your t on the situation or seeking out another therapist to help you figure out what to do. Your well-being and best interests need to come first. The rest will come after that.

I don't want to lay anything on you, but if you are a medical professional, you know how unethical this behavior is. You also know that no medical professional is supposed to be abusing drugs by "borrowing" drugs from a patient/client - even if he is not actually an addict (and I think jdna is right, with the requests for money this is addict behavior), that is still wrong. Substance addiction, and getting drugs without a prescription, are forbidden to doctors and therapists for a reason: it endangers everyone.

Normally I would tell a client to take care of themselves first and do whatever they feel up to legally later, but he's really beyond the pale - especially if he is treating patients/clients while addicted to something and you're in a unique position if you're in the health professions too to understand that. He is dangerous to others besides you if he's been pulling the same tricks with a friend of yours.

You wouldn't be ruining his life and career. He did that all by his freaking self.

I'm sorry you've had this experience and I'm sorry you're grieving the loss of your friendship/T. I know it's doubly hard since they have helped you so much. I agree with what one of the posters said about canceling further appointments and finding a new T for support. After you talk it over with them you can decide whether or not to report them. Please just keep in mind that this T may be doing this to other patients more fragile then you. The behavior needs to stop. I wish you the best and hope you make a decision that gives you peace.

My friend who is also a client/patient of my T called me this morning. She revealed that our T had knocked on her door at her home and asked her for a pain pill a few weeks ago. My friend knew she should not give narcotics to anyone and didn't want to, but she felt vulnerable and cornered, so she did give T a Percocet.
My friend said that T was at her door again the next day early in the morning, wanting another pain pill. My friend lied and told her she didn't have any. That they were all gone.
This brought to mind that T has asked me several times if I had any pain pills, but I don't have an Rx for any so I bought T a bottle of Excedrin arthritis ES months ago and gave it to T. When I asked how they helped, T replied they did help some.

Then my friend said that T was supposed to provide her some "papers" that T had been supposed to be sent to Social Security Administration for my friends disability determination. T lied by telling my friend she sent them. SSA called my friend several times asking about the papers that my friend thought had been sent. So, she asked T who said she would give her the papers by coming to her house, but never showed up.

So, on the next date my friend had an appointment at the out-patient Psychiatric office, she asked the secretary who takes payments for appointments, about the papers that our T, was supposed to provide her. The secretary looked up records in the computer then said she couldn't find anything like that being sent to SSA... our T, saw my friend in there and must have overheard something and rushed in asking my friend to stop...
The T was agitated and told my friend she shouldn't be asking for her papers.
The secretary looked at the T, and said; T, you know everything that goes out of this office for patients has to have a code and come only from the office. You aren't to give papers to the patients on your own.
So, when my friend went to a room for the therapy session with T, T yelled at my friend and told her not to be causing any trouble. Just ask T if my friend wants anything...

My friend was so relieved after we shared our experiences with T as she thought she was alone. We are talking and comparing and I'm making a plan. My friend is a sweet gullible person who says "I don't want to cause anyone to lose their job, but if T is doing this to us, who else is T doing it to?

I'm gullible to a point and never expected to be in such a situation, but I'm not as sweet. I have been recording calls and conversations, collecting evidence, and will be seeking legal action in the near future.
I'm sad, but I'm so angry. T will regret it.

{TO BE CONTINUED...}

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Wow. Sounds like maybe the T has a drug problem. Sad to say but they deserve to lose their job if they're hitting up clients for money and pills.

Eta, having read farther: if you're feeling guilty, or your friend is--consider that this person most likely needs treatment (of whatever kind) and enabling them is not going to help.

I'm VERY glad that you are gathering evidence and taking steps to stop this T. They have crossed way over just being unethical into illegal. I honestly know what you are experiencing...I am going through the same thing. I have reported already and am just waiting for this investigation to be over. You are doing great things here!

What I felt reading this story was terror and near disbelief. Of course I do not doubt anything about it but it is horrifying to read these kinds of stories for me. I personally think that even in a pure friendship, asking someone else for drugs repeatedly is likely a sign of a serious issue and loss of healthy judgment (and I am saying this from an insider view as I struggled with addiction myself). I would refuse such a request even with my history and even to my best friend. Same for repeated requests to borrow money - the way it was described here is wrong even from a pure friend or relative, IMO.

I don't feel qualified to give recommendation about reporting or not as I have never been in a similar situation and don't think I can imagine it sufficiently in a personal way, but very definitely would stop every contact with this "therapist", immediately. I am not surprised that she does this if she struggles with an addiction and related financial issues, knowing all I do about these problems. But you are not supporting her this way, it's more encouraging the behavior and the manipulations to continue. She will most likely create a bigger and bigger mess not only for herself but for her legal and professional associates, clients, and who know what else.

Just FYI, if you are in the USA, a number of states require the consent of all parties to a conversation for recording. To record without someone's knowledge in those states is illegal.

Personally, I would be focused on talking through my feelings of pain and betrayal with someone else, not focusing on gathering evidence and legal action.

I understand your advice and agree to a point.

So, I'm a psychiatric client who has a outrageous ethics issue with a T who is violating a great trust with 2 vulnerable people. So, of course we will be believed without question? Uh huh. Sure.
And of course, there's no one else T is taking advantage of, because we are the only ones we know of.

This is much more than just about gathering evidence for legal action. Get it? It's about being believed with irrefutable evidence in hand to stop this T's damage of who knows how many vulnurables.
This is much more than just about me and my "feelings".

Is it your place or your job or your responsibility to "gather evidence"? Why not work with whoever you can report this to, and also do whatever is the right thing for you personally to do. I presume you want your efforts to be effective and fruitful, and not harmful to anyone.

I feel that you are doing absolutely the right thing. Continue to collate evidence that you have as otherwise it's just their word against yours. I am so pleased that you are doing this to support the others too. Stay strong & focussed. I admire your sense of principals. Good on you.

Getting together the evidence you have is one thing. Gathering more, especially if you are recording stuff in a two-party consent state (I have the idea you're in PA from your initial posted location - that is a two-party state)...that is not your job. You have two witnesses, you and your friend, to this behavior. Turn whatever you have over to the licensing board or the police or whatever and then step back and stay out of it until you need to give a statement or testify.

I'd also point out your going around gathering evidence might hurt your case, or muddy the waters for those with the proper authority and training to investigate.