[m2gonnagitby]

I've been seeing this therapist for several years and consider us friends. The first time I was asked to borrow money, I was still working. Reason T gave was finances, bills could not be met by a deadline. I gave $500.00 which T said would be returned in 2 weeks which didn't happen. Money was given to me in small increments over months.
This has happened several times with promises of paying back, but has not come about.
I'm not working now and am very tight financially. T called me a couple weeks ago asking to borrow again due to overdrawn account and T needed the money within 45 minutes to give to the bank to avoid an overdraw. I looked up my bank account on-line to see how much I had in my account while T waited during the call. I had about $40.00 more than T asked to borrow, so I had to rush to the bank to get cash as T didn't want to take a check.
T recently "borrowed" xanax from me. T said has a Rx but hadn't got it filled yet, and was a "nervous wreck" so I gave T 6 tablets.
Today, a friend of mine called to chat who also sees T for therapy, mentioned that T asked if my friend had any cash as T needed gas money. T has asked the same from me.
I know that T has crossed an ethical red line with me, but I thought I was helping a friend out. Now I wonder who else is being taken advantage of...
I've been a fool.
Recommendations?

[atisketatasket]

You and your friend report to the state licensing board. The xanax borrowing alone would be enough for license suspension in most states.

[Ellahmae]

This is all unethical and completely wrong on the therapists part.

My recommendation is the same as atat's - run, do not pass go do not collect $200 (unless he still owes it to you) away and quickly file complaints, both of you. Even if it's just for the Xanax.

I can't get over the thought of a therapist asking for money and/or drugs.

[nyc artist]

Absolutely report this ASAP. I would also get legal counsel to get money back. I'm very sorry this has happened to you. I know exactly how this feels.

[Nammu]

So wrong on so many fronts. Your friend/T needs help. I'd suggest you tell them they need to get professional help. Then make a report so that your friend/T is held accountable.

[Lily.]

So many red flags. I would report this therapist ASAP.

I agree with all the above. Your T is NOT your friend, he' a professional, who is taking advantage of you, your friend & I wonder how many other clients. You now know this information & have a duty to report him. Other vulnerable clients need you to report this as, they are probably handing over cash that maybe they can't afford, but feel duty bound. This guy is a scammer.

[Moment]

I had to read your post a couple times because it was so beyond the pale.

I get that you consider your therapist your friend, but your therapist is *not* your friend. Your therapist should be fulfilling a professional role with you (even if there are friendly feelings between you) and that does *not* include borrowing money or pharmaceuticals from you! What you describe is completely outrageous.

I am worried for you, as you say you have been seeing this person for several years. If borrowing money/drugs is going on, it makes me wonder in what other ways this therapist may be acting unethically. I understand that if can be hard to separate yourself from someone you have friendly feelings towards, but you really need to--to protect yourself. At the very least, you need to stop seeing this therapist.

[toomanycats]

Definitely report to the licensing board. I'm so sorry.

[feralkittymom]

This behavior isn't crossing an ethical red line: it is criminal. Report immediately to the police, not a licensing board--if this "therapist" even has a license.

[m2gonnagitby]

I'm going to add to this conversation that I also am a medical professional, and this therapist has helped me quite significantly with my psychiatric illness to the point that I trusted T implicitly. Perhaps that made me a easy mark. Thanks so very much to those who sincerely care enough to be concerned and to advise me appropriately.
I maintain that my T is a good person, perhaps led astray by stressful circumstances. I'm willing to give T the benefit of the doubt.

So, suggestions requested at to what to do first, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. I really do not want to be responsible for the ruin of a persons career and life...

[m2gonnagitby]

People, I'm grieving a lost trust and perceived friendship here. I don't want to see cruel comments that serve no purpose other than making one feel superior at the expense of humiliating me even more!

[growlycat]

Wow. A t borrowing money from a patient? I think your t could easily lose his or her license and probably should lose it. You are being exploited!!

[Ididitmyway]

Report the bastard to the state licensing board, to his professional organization if he is associated with any, to his employer if he is employed and I'd also write an online review of him telling exactly what happened. Too bad you didn't get a signed note from him stating the amount and the date when you gave him the amount and the date by which he is obligated to return the money. In that case you'd, at least, have the evidence to take him to court. So, report him to the board and to the professional association he is a member of and ask your friend to do the same.

I am so sorry about that. This is a major betrayal.

[cakeladie]

Everyone gave you good advice. The only thing I worry about is will the T turn this on you? did you give him a check and in the memo write loan to T because he could say it never happened. Also never give cash alway a money order.

But your T should never have asked you and you need to report him/Her. You just /she has done this to.

Good luck and document everything. Every phone call regarding the loan save text messages and emails regarding the loan you need to protect yourself.

I wish you nothing but he best. Positive vibes coming to you from California is.

Originally Posted by m2gonnagitby

I'm going to add to this conversation that I also am a medical professional, and this therapist has helped me quite significantly with my psychiatric illness to the point that I trusted T implicitly. Perhaps that made me a easy mark. Thanks so very much to those who sincerely care enough to be concerned and to advise me appropriately.
I maintain that my T is a good person, perhaps led astray by stressful circumstances. I'm willing to give T the benefit of the doubt.

So, suggestions requested at to what to do first, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. I really do not want to be responsible for the ruin of a persons career and life...

I can truly understand that you feel that your T has helped you & you don't want to ruin him. However, he has exploited you & your friend, to your knowledge, so how many others has he exploited? The relationship he has created with you has made this situation possible. Your vulnerability! There is 'NO' excuse to forgive this behaviour. If he was 'led astray' as you say, what else is he prepared to do? I'm not close to your T & have not been exploited by him, but I'd like you to look at this situation as a professional & ask yourself what advice would you give to someone very close to you, if he was doing this to them? What would 'you' do & say to them. This is what I would do.
1) cancel your appointment with him
2) contact the licensing board & make an official complaint & report him for gross misconduct
3) have no more correspondence with him
4) start looking for another therapist

I would just like to add, that you will not be responsible for ruining his career & life, he's done that all by himself!! He is greedy, unprofessional & manipulative.

[growlycat]

Does t have an addiction or gambling problem??

Originally Posted by growlycat

Does t have an addiction or gambling problem??

What difference does that make?

[junkDNA]

Do you suspect this person has a drug problem

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by JoBo

What difference does that make?

Asking for money frequently from a client coupled with the request for xanax says to me this person Is burning thru money on some kind of addiction

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Asking for money frequently from a client coupled with the request for xanax says to me this person Is burning thru money on some kind of addiction

I agree, but he's hardly likely to share that information if he wants people's money. Regardless of any personal issues he may or may not have, what he is doing is totally unacceptable & unethical. It makes my blood boil when I see some innocent, kind & vulnerable person being taken advantage of. If this was happening to me, I'd have already reported him to the liscencing board & contacted the Police!! I'd probably be crying my eyes out too with grief & loss of my T.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by JoBo

I agree, but he's hardly likely to share that information if he wants people's money. Regardless of any personal issues he may or may not have, what he is doing is totally unacceptable & unethical. It makes my blood boil when I see some innocent, kind & vulnerable person being taken advantage of. If this was happening to me, I'd have already reported him to the liscencing board & contacted the Police!! I'd probably be crying my eyes out too with grief & loss of my T.

I'm not excusing his behavior im just wondering what the deal is

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by JoBo

What difference does that make?

If this t is truly a friend they may need to seek treatment themselves. Not meant to be a cruel comment just something to consider. It doesn't excuse the behavior

[inthe_landfill]

Considering whether or not T needs treatment will only feed into OP's need to defend and protect T. Please don't.

OP, you're not a fool, you are a vulnerable HUMAN BEING who wanted to help someone you considered a FRIEND. You did nothing wrong, they did.

I hope you do what is best for you while considering how many other clients T has taken advantage of.

Originally Posted by junkDNA

I'm not excusing his behavior im just wondering what the deal is

Sorry if I came across a bit stroppy, it's not aimed at you. I'm just feeling really upset that a T is doing something like this. It's actually quite disturbed me! Many of us have been used, abused & exploited & when you read something like this, it's a bit unsettling.