[annielovesbacon]

I've been seeing T for about a year and taking medications for about two years with absolutely zero improvement in my depression today. My T said to me today, "I'll be honest, I'm just as confused and frustrated as you are. Your depression doesn't present itself normally, and I'm not sure what step to take next."

I appreciate her honesty and that she doesn't pretend she knows everything. She's a great T; obviously, it's me who's the problem. But nevertheless I feel discouraged and hopeless, like why even try anymore if I will never get better? Nothing is working... what's the point?

[LesFleursDuMal]

Actually, even though it's good that she's being honest, I don't think saying that to a patient is a good idea, precisely for the way it makes you feel right now. In my opinion a T shouldn't make you feel like you're the problem, maybe she's the problem for not being able to help. I had a T who once told me something similar, she said not everyone could be helped and that happiness was not meant for everybody. I was 16 at the time and what she said really made me more depressed and hopeless. The T I see now told me she said that because she didn't know what to do, that it was her problem not mine and I guess it's the same for you.

[satsuma]

I think that just because she's a good T, doesn't make this your fault. She doesn't know how to help - that's not your fault or hers. Just means that you may need a different kind of therapy or a different approach from the one she is able to provide.
How would you feel about trying another T? I wonder if this is something you would be able to talk about with current T?

[skeksi]

That's hard to hear, so I understand your upset over what she said. I think it's okay for a T to be unsure of which step to take forward, but they need to be looking for next steps and feel hopeful about change, even when their client does not.

I think you should share how painful it was to hear her comment, and perhaps you and T can discuss what to do next. Can she try a different approach? Or recommend another T who has a different skill set?

[ElectricManatee]

I'm wondering whether maybe the problem isn't you or your T but the context you're both in. If I recall correctly, you see your T at a university counseling center that offers a fairly limited number of sessions, right? I was in a similar situation for a few years, actually with my current T who is now in private practice. She is an extremely competent therapist and a good fit for me personality-wise. I worked hard in therapy and was as transparent as I could be about my issues. We made some great progress on some family issues I was dealing with, but we really didn't put much more than a dent in my persistent depression, which I have been dealing with since I was thirteen. It just... persisted. I didn't have symptoms all the time, but the depression was always lurking right behind me. I sort of assumed that's just what life felt like for me.

My T left her counseling center job to set up a private practice a few years ago, in part because she wanted to do therapy based on what her clients need and what she can offer them, not based on what the center said was allowed. I used to see her every other week with no outside contact. Now I can see her twice a week if necessary (which I have been doing for the last six months) and I can call/email whenever. There is an element to all the extra contact that has helped initiate a giant shift in how I see myself and my relationships. For the first time, I can see the roots of my depression and (more importantly) I can see a way out. I also truly understand for the first time that the depression isn't my fault. I can do certain things to try to help myself, but sometimes it won't be enough to stop a depressive episode entirely, and that's okay. It doesn't mean I am bad or lazy or broken.

In some ways, the every-other-week schedule was almost harder than no therapy because sometimes issues in my life would get opened up and probed without me having the necessary support or closeness with my therapist to deal with them properly. I would encourage you to think about getting a higher level of care, if that is something you have the ability to make happen. Maybe find a therapist who can give you more than what you're getting now. This seems especially important if your current T is saying that they are not sure how to help you. Switching to a more intensive therapy schedule has been a fairly significant investment in time, money, and emotional energy for me, but finally being able to see some light at the end of the depression tunnel has made it so, so worth it.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by satsuma

I think that just because she's a good T, doesn't make this your fault. She doesn't know how to help - that's not your fault or hers. Just means that you may need a different kind of therapy or a different approach from the one she is able to provide.
How would you feel about trying another T? I wonder if this is something you would be able to talk about with current T?

Originally Posted by skeksi

That's hard to hear, so I understand your upset over what she said. I think it's okay for a T to be unsure of which step to take forward, but they need to be looking for next steps and feel hopeful about change, even when their client does not.

I think you should share how painful it was to hear her comment, and perhaps you and T can discuss what to do next. Can she try a different approach? Or recommend another T who has a different skill set?

I really like my T, I'm not sure if I could emotionally handle seeing another one.
My T did say, "I know that's not comforting to hear, and I'm sorry" so she knows that what she said sucked for me to hear. We are going to try a different approach (we've been doing CBT/ACT) and see if that works?

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I'm wondering whether maybe the problem isn't you or your T but the context you're both in. If I recall correctly, you see your T at a university counseling center that offers a fairly limited number of sessions, right? I was in a similar situation for a few years, actually with my current T who is now in private practice. She is an extremely competent therapist and a good fit for me personality-wise. I worked hard in therapy and was as transparent as I could be about my issues. We made some great progress on some family issues I was dealing with, but we really didn't put much more than a dent in my persistent depression, which I have been dealing with since I was thirteen. It just... persisted. I didn't have symptoms all the time, but the depression was always lurking right behind me. I sort of assumed that's just what life felt like for me.

My T left her counseling center job to set up a private practice a few years ago, in part because she wanted to do therapy based on what her clients need and what she can offer them, not based on what the center said was allowed. I used to see her every other week with no outside contact. Now I can see her twice a week if necessary (which I have been doing for the last six months) and I can call/email whenever. There is an element to all the extra contact that has helped initiate a giant shift in how I see myself and my relationships. For the first time, I can see the roots of my depression and (more importantly) I can see a way out. I also truly understand for the first time that the depression isn't my fault. I can do certain things to try to help myself, but sometimes it won't be enough to stop a depressive episode entirely, and that's okay. It doesn't mean I am bad or lazy or broken.

In some ways, the every-other-week schedule was almost harder than no therapy because sometimes issues in my life would get opened up and probed without me having the necessary support or closeness with my therapist to deal with them properly. I would encourage you to think about getting a higher level of care, if that is something you have the ability to make happen. Maybe find a therapist who can give you more than what you're getting now. This seems especially important if your current T is saying that they are not sure how to help you. Switching to a more intensive therapy schedule has been a fairly significant investment in time, money, and emotional energy for me, but finally being able to see some light at the end of the depression tunnel has made it so, so worth it.

I would love to see my T more often. I can't afford it at this point, but I hope that in two years (when I graduate), I can find a job with good health care/insurance benefits that will allow me to see a therapist in private practice who can offer me more flexibility in my scheduling.

[satsuma]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

I really like my T, I'm not sure if I could emotionally handle seeing another one.
My T did say, "I know that's not comforting to hear, and I'm sorry" so she knows that what she said sucked for me to hear. We are going to try a different approach (we've been doing CBT/ACT) and see if that works?

I hope that the new approach will help.
I'm sorry it's hard. I do think it's a sign of a good T, that she is alert to what is working- or not working- for you, rather than just continuing with the same old same old.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by satsuma

I hope that the new approach will help.
I'm sorry it's hard. I do think it's a sign of a good T, that she is alert to what is working- or not working- for you, rather than just continuing with the same old same old.

She really is a good T. She notices when I'm not making progress and is both honest when she feels like what she's doing isn't working, and also upfront with me if she feels like I'm not really trying. (Which I appreciate because that often is the case haha.) She never forces me to do anything, she always asks my feedback and if things are okay with me. It almost makes me feel guilty because she's a great T and I don't want her to feel bad that I'm not making progress (even though logically I know it's not either of our faults)