What just happened?

More hugs to you luco. So very sorry. I hope you are able to say goodbye and have some closure if that's what you end up choosing. You are strong enough to do what's right for you whichever way you choose. I'm glad you've found a new t too. I wish the very best to you through this difficult stuff. It's so hard. But you can and will get thru this. (((luco)))

Oh, Luc. I am so sorry. You deserve better than this.

I'm so sorry, luc. That was a lousy way to deal with the situation by him. Maybe you can get some inspiration from some of the stories here where people describe serious ruptures with their therapist where the relationship was good for a long time prior, wanting to end it all, then sometimes it can be turned around or they are able to move on. Perhaps the new T will be more constructive and you can move beyond this gradually, or maybe reconsider and go back to the old one later. Maybe you will realize something meaningful about the whole thing with some time and distance, or perhaps you will just conclude that he was indeed a jerk or not a good fit with you.

As for not remembering, I could very much imagine that many Ts make up a lot of things when they don't want to deal with something or regret saying something in the past. One of mine definitely did, I have no doubt whatsoever. In any case, it is either sloppy or manipulative , IMO. I will be curious what he responds to your request to end therapy with him.

So sorry this happened like this. sounds very frustrating and I am glad you stuck up for yourself despite his mistakes. We can see how much you are hurting, is he really that much of an *** that he can't see what he has done here. Sorry there is just too many wrong things about your interaction with this t.

I read the thread from the start. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. You can and you will get through this.

I just caught up with reading your thread. I'm sorry your T is being so stupid and I applaud you for making the decision to leave him. The new T sounds good! If you see him for the final session, I hope you can get some closure and not change your decision. I would totally understand if you still want to see him. Wanting to be with a T is like an addiction, and very hard to stop even if it's in your best interest. I'm terribly sorry you have to through this agony. I think the new T will help you get through it all.

Trying to see the new T as soon as possible. He has offered me Thursday next week, the morning after my session with T1, but I think I need something sooner. I don't know how to get through the next week.

I don't know how I'm going to afford it though, anyway, or find time for it. I don't have any money or time.

I feel so terrible today. I feel so ashamed, for caring so much about someone who barely even knows who I am. It's ridiculous. I hate myself.

I don't want to leave that room where I felt so safe not very long ago. I don't understand how it went so wrong so quickly.

New T has creaky wicker chairs, not a comfy sofa. And he wears his shoes, so I can't see if his toes are wiggling. Not that I want to anyway.

Does new T have a sliding scale? I'm seeing my T2 tomorrow at the LGBTQ counselling org and they mentioned they've a sliding scale.

Yes - I'm already at the bottom of the sliding scale... I just literally have no money right now (just borrowed £20 to get me through the next couple of days) and seeing them both in a week will/would be a a third of my weekly pay...

Now I have this fantasy that next week he will come and sit next to me and put his arms around me and say "it's okay, I know who you are, I listen to you, I care about you, I remember you, you matter to me". And then I'll still leave, but it will be okay. Everything will be okay.

...oh, and he'll say that he's sorry for hurting me so much, and that he understands why I'm so hurt.

...I really should say that I'm so thankful to everyone who has commented here and shown me support and caring and understanding... I really love you guys.

Damn I'm sorry.

I know fundraisers and links to fundraisers are against the rules here, but on facebook, some people share fundraisers when struggling like you.

In my country, there's some places with free therapy or really really low nominal sum sliding scale fees for students / unemployed.

Thanks QM. I don't think I'm at the point of needing a fundraiser - and I dunno how I'd explain to my situation to my friends! "Need money for therapy to help me get over my therapist"?

I do really need to see someone asap though. Not doing well here.

I will dig up £60 from somewhere. Probably my mum...

(Also, rather ironically, I work for a charity that offers free counselling...)

Hugs...did he not have anything sooner than next Thursday? Any chance he could at least talk to you by phone for a bit to help you through before you see T1?

Wicker chairs seem like an odd choice for a therapy room.