[sidony]

Where's a wide-awake icon?

I can't sleep because I obsess over everything. I keep needing to talk to people, but when I'm talking it seems I'm still on the outside. They're there and they're comforting, but then it isn't enough. I was falling asleep on the phone but didn't want to hang up. Now that I'm off the phone I can't sleep. I'm shivering and it's anxiety / sleeplessness. It can't be that cold in here. I went to a fortune teller earlier this evening and had my palms read (on a whim after dinner because we walked by her place and she was open). I don't put much stock in that sort of thing, but I wanted the close personal engagement. I think I wanted a substitute T for a few minutes even though she was doing all the talking, not me. It helped in those few minutes. I've spiraled into bleak self-hating thoughts again, and they drown out everything else. If I were wide awake and refreshed, I'd still have zero ability to concentrate.

I realized that I need someone here so that I can sleep. I need someone to hold me, or better yet to lie on top of me so that I can't even move. Then I'd be able to sleep. My mind is raging around and has taken control of my body. I don't have any control myself. I miss the comfort of being with someone else. And I feel like having love again is something so terribly far away from me.

Well now that I've woken myself up enough to type I feel sleepy again. Maybe sleep will come. And I'm so cold I'll crawl under all the blankets. The comfort of sleep would be so amazing. I'd like to have dreams of beautiful things.

Sidony

[smiley1984]

I hate it when things keep going on and on and on and on in my head. I'm sorry I have nothing productive to say particularly but I understand.
I get annoying when that happens because I just keep talking and talking and don't shut up because by talking the thoughts stop - not that good an idea if trying to sleep. I try reading until I am just about fallen asleep because once I stop, the thoughts start again. I also go for long runs to try and make myself so exhausted that I can't stay awake.

Hope you can get some sleep.

[Perna]

I slept all right but I only sleep about 6 or 7 hours very well and I went to sleep at around 10:30 last night and was just doing the anxiety thing from about 4:30 on so just got up. I hate lying in bed faintly achey and tired and tossing and turning, worrying about stupid things like how I'll catch the cats to take to the vets when I'm alone and 77 or if something happens to me and my husband and they're trapped in the house with no food, etc.