[SpottedOwl]

I terminated today. Of course I can always call T if I need him, or if I just want to, but my weekly sessions are over.

It all started a little over 3 years ago. My life, and just about everything in it was destroyed. After being hospitalized, I realized I needed to see a therapist, as much as I didn't want to. I got T's number from a friend, left a message, and he called back a few hours later. I had my first appointment the next day and his kindness made me go back, week after week.

I shared my trauma, I shared my withdrawal from meds, I shared my fears, and my loneliness. I shared my relationship troubles, my family dramas, my work issues, my health issues. I slowly opened up, let him in, and allowed myself to heal.

T says it is 'appropriate' that I terminate. We've both known this day was coming for a while, but today I woke up and didn't want to go to therapy. I always want to go, because it is such a safe place. But, now that the trauma is healed, I just don't really need him anymore. And, I finally accepted it was time to let go. Time to create some space for newness in my life.

I cried. I'm sad, but I'm also hopeful.

I wanted to share with all my PC friends, because this board has been a big part of my success with T. The experiences and stories and words of wisdom and feedback have all helped me to keep going and keep trusting. And, maybe most important of all, knowing I wasn't alone.

Thank you. Thank each and every one of you for being a part of my journey.

Congratulations for reaching this point of healing. Best wishes for you as you move forward.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by SpottedOwl

I terminated today. Of course I can always call T if I need him, or if I just want to, but my weekly sessions are over.

It all started a little over 3 years ago. My life, and just about everything in it was destroyed. After being hospitalized, I realized I needed to see a therapist, as much as I didn't want to. I got T's number from a friend, left a message, and he called back a few hours later. I had my first appointment the next day and his kindness made me go back, week after week.

I shared my trauma, I shared my withdrawal from meds, I shared my fears, and my loneliness. I shared my relationship troubles, my family dramas, my work issues, my health issues. I slowly opened up, let him in, and allowed myself to heal.

T says it is 'appropriate' that I terminate. We've both known this day was coming for a while, but today I woke up and didn't want to go to therapy. I always want to go, because it is such a safe place. But, now that the trauma is healed, I just don't really need him anymore. And, I finally accepted it was time to let go. Time to create some space for newness in my life.

I cried. I'm sad, but I'm also hopeful.

I wanted to share with all my PC friends, because this board has been a big part of my success with T. The experiences and stories and words of wisdom and feedback have all helped me to keep going and keep trusting. And, maybe most important of all, knowing I wasn't alone.

Thank you. Thank each and every one of you for being a part of my journey.

Wow, amazing success!! I am so glad you got to this good place....I hope to get there someday!

[chaotic13]

SpottedOwl,
I've been kind of imagining how my therapy might end. I know you've been thinking about this for a while but, did you really just wake up today and say... Today is the day?

Like you I feel like I've been a lot of places with my T. I know tomorrow, if I wanted to I could just say, "I think I'm done" and be OK. I also know that when I do that, my T would likely allow me to return another time if I needed to. I think my biggest fear is...that I won't show or express how deeply grateful I am. I'm worried it will be like other goodbyes in the past where I just say, goodbye and walk away then wonder if the person really got how I "really" felt.

I'm not very good at goodbyes. I have a good friend who will be moving away soon...I still haven't really figured out how to cry yet. I know crying is not a "requirement" but I think people expect that.

[purple_fins]

How awesome!
Congratulations!

I bet your T. is so proud and happy too, since that is what their most important goal is-- to help their clients feel better.

You sure must have had a great T. and you must have been a very hard working client. Way to go!

I so like to read these kind of posts--
thank you very much for sharing.

fins

[deliquesce]

congrats!!!! i'm so proud for you, poppet. and very thankful that you chose to share - we need a reminder of what's possible with therapy sometimes.

i'm so excited for you, and what you're going to continue to achieve. seriously, this post has made my day .

remember us PC folk are always here for you too .

[zooropa]

wow. I don't really know what else to say...wow!

((((((((((((Beautiful Owl))))))))))))))

Wow, what a huge step! I feel happy and excited and sad and wistful and hopeful and proud all at the same time...and it's not even my therapy.

It sounds very healthy to know that he is there if you need him, but to know that you are ready to try this on your own.

I'm so glad you shared. I really don't know anyone who has gone through therapy to the end, so I don't have any idea what it looks/feels like.

I hope you will share more if you feel like it.

[peaches100]

I'm so glad to hear about your recovery and successful termination. It gives hope to many of us here who still fear the BIG "T"! It sounds like, when the trauma is healed and the time is right, termination can be a natural process, not a painful abandonment.

[SpottedOwl]

(((PC friends)))

chaotic -- I really did just wake up and for the first time really NOT want to go to therapy. I probably could have walked away a couple months ago and been 'OK', but instead I changed my session to every other week. The last couple of months have been more me telling T about things that I successfully dealt with rather than me needing T to help me through a tough spot.

peaches -- It really was not scary for me. It was sad because I appreciate how T has been there for me, but it was sad like at a graduation. I think because I've healed the younger parts of myself, I don't feel abandoned. It was also my choice. T knew it was coming, but he allowed me to do it at my own pace.

tree -- I'll share whatever you are interested in.

My life isn't perfect now. I still have days that are challenging, or times when I'm not proud of myself. But, I now have other coping mechanisms. When I started therapy I literally had no one other than T to talk to. Now I have a group of supportive friends and family members who are a part of my life. I do feel like I've been able to 'internalize' the T relationship and then use it outside of my therapy.

I think the greatest gift T gave me was his kindness and his belief. He always believed in me, and believed me. I don't think I realized how much of my life I spent without feeling heard or understood. Or, how powerful it can be to just accept the kindness of a 'stranger'.

There is hope. Trauma is horrible, and scary, and yucky...but it does not always have to be that way. I can now look back and think of that time from a distance. It is a story, and by talking with T I have made that story my own. I've found meaning, and understanding, and compassion for myself. I have been able to separate what happened to me, from WHO I AM. No one can take away who we are. I think that means I've taken my power back.

Thank you farmergirl, fins, zoo, deli, mixedup...and to everyone else too!

[WePow]

SpottedOwl !! That is amazing that you know your own healing and process - and you did at this time what was best for you - as you have done along the path.

[Sannah]

Congratulations to you on all your accomplishments!!!

[MissCharlotte]

((Spotted))

Thank you for sharing this post with us. I think that it is wonderful that you can accept the fact that you don't need T every week anymore, but rely on the internalized relationship as well as the relationships you have successfully created in your life outside of T. I know what you mean about not wanting to go. I have begun to toy with the idea of not going twice a week anymore and decreasing my appointments.

Your comments have helped me tremendously. Thank you.

think the greatest gift T gave me was his kindness and his belief. He always believed in me, and believed me. I don't think I realized how much of my life I spent without feeling heard or understood. Or, how powerful it can be to just accept the kindness of a 'stranger'.

How do you find that in a T?

That's all I need-someone to believe in me so that I could grow into a state of mind where I can believe in my self. My T didn't think enough of me to believe in me and I felt like an orphan.

That's all I wanted from him, for his help. I didn't need him to love me. I just needed him to believe in me, but instead, what he gave me may have been his need to deprecate, disbelieve or have no hope for me.

How did you find a T who believes in you?

[stopdog]

This is a really really old thread.

Sure, but it's just as relevant today as it was then . It gives me hope.

[Lemoncake]

Very proud of you! I hope one day I too can reach that point.

[Shazerac]

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Originally Posted by Rayne_

Sure, but it's just as relevant today as it was then . It gives me hope.

I am so grateful you did. I am new, and one of my many questions about how therapy is supposed to work is how to know when you're done. It was just the right timing for me to read. Thanks.

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

I am so grateful you did. I am new, and one of my many questions about how therapy is supposed to work is how to know when you're done. It was just the right timing for me to read. Thanks.

You're welcome! I agree it was a good find.

It would be super if the OP dropped by and replied but is probably long gone.