What happened the first time you cried in therapy?

I think there are a few posts around about this kind of thing, buuut I wanted something fresh..

My T very nearly had me in tears last session, though she is unaware of this.. After a year working with her, I am starting to come out of my shell a little. But this crying thing concerns me. I am not a crier. Never have been and the thought of it is very not okay. But, I understand that it may happen..

I'd just like to know, what did your T do when they first saw you cry?

Is it correct that they mostly just stare and hand you the box of tissues? I am not sure that I could return if that happened. I'd like to think that my T would touch my shoulder, move a little closer or hold my hand through it. But, I honestly wouldn't have a clue what she would do.

So yeah. what;s your experience, and it is as daunting as I feel it would be?

They do tend to just allow you the space to cry. It was best that way for me because had they reacted otherwise I probably would have stopped myself, and those tears were needed. The times my T did respond were when the crying was happening while I was dissociated. The response in those cases was to talk to me to try to help me get grounded. But I think if you are wanting to be physically comforted if you cry, that is not a very common reasponse. Perhaps you should discuss this with your T.

Thanks!

Yeah I can understand that! It just sounds so daunting and uncomfortable.. I think if I were to discuss it with T, I'd probably wind up teary, so I will probably never bring it up.. But the thought is definitely there...

I find it very daunting too, like sitting there crying in such a close space. I think the fear is what actually stops me being able to even though at times I've felt the urge.
I have spoke to my T about this and from what I can gather most just allow you to cry and sit silently throughout. This actually scares me more as I think I'd be to self aware of being watched when I'm feeling most vulnerable

Yeah I am 100% with you there! What an uncomfortable feeling it must be.. I'm sure there is some method to they're madness, but it just seems so unnatural?

Yes I agree, it does seem so unnatural to me. I'm not sure knowing the limited response I will be able to break the barrier. When we spoke about it, I found the conversation itself really uncomfortable and that's without the tears even being there.

I hate crying at a T visit. Mine hands me a box of tissues and gives me a few moments to collect myself. If I keep crying we just talk anyway while I wipe my eyes. I personally would not be ok with a T or Psych doc touching me.

Most Ts and Pdocs are reluctant to touch their clients because they don't know if the client may feel violated or consider the touching inappropriate.

It may feel awkward to you, but they are totally used to people crying and it doesn't mean they don't care.

I would say most T's do not comfort but mine plans to. I've yet to cry but I have a pending issue that is gonna really be hard for me to deal with.... and we are already planning it, he wants me to prepare mentally for his reaction as to make it more comfortable for me to cry

He will allow certain hand hold or shoulder touch, we have not tried either but have talked about them quite a bit. I guess just ask. Every T is different

I don't think I've ever not cried in therapy. I'm hysterical.

The first time I ever saw a t, I went to talk about my bf, but he insisted I talk about my deceased father. I cried uncontrollably. The t's have no reaction, they never do. They stare blankly and hand you the tissues, yes! That hurts me even more, as they do not care. They make me cry and do not care...just like my abusers! I would so rather have someone comfort me! After that one session, I never went back. And that have been my pattern with therapy.

I remember how weird it felt when first cried in front of a therapist. The therapist was kind but mostly just sat there attentively while I lost my s**t a little. It's not like crying in front of a sympathetic friend who wants to comfort you. Later on I figured out that the point is to explore what is distressing you, not shut it down. You have to open up to whatever is making you cry and dig into it a little. For me, being comforted (like with a hug) tends to make me feel better precisely because it closes off those feelings. That's why we have the urge to hug a crying friend, right? To make them feel better, at least temporarily.

My current T usually looks a little bit different when I cry, like her eyes go all soft and sympathetic. It makes me feel like she's very much still there with me in the moment. It's subtle and not at all the same as a hug or a pat (which I would probably not welcome from her), but it is something. It's also kind of nice to cry and not have it be disruptive to what we're doing or for me to be made to feel that it's shameful or awkward for me to be doing it.

The first time I cried, I felt so exposed, but after a while you kinda get used to it. I think they want us to cry as it shows the deep hurt & emotion in us. My t knows exactly what buttons to press to get me to cry & I think sometimes he does it on purpose! He picks his times though. My t just gives me space & will say some grounding stuff & that helps. He doesn't try to touch me. (I don't like touch, at all). A lot of us were brought up to not show any emotion, so when you do, although initially we feel like it's wrong, it does become more natural & is ok. It doesn't stop me from trying to hold back the tears initially. Probably due to past experience! Go with it, it's ok.

Yeah, they don't do anything but sit there and wait for it to stop or, in my case, we just carry on and keep talking like it's not happening. Mine doesn't hand tissues because they are sitting on every table. She goes through a lot of them. Some days, the waste baskets are full. I think it's just business as usual for them. People get emotional in therapy. If you want something different to happen, then you might want to talk about what to expect.

I don't remember the first time, but usually when I cried, she asked what's making me sad. She never offered me tissues, I either had to ask for them or reach for the box of tissues myself.

You should be able to talk about what you need to talk about. Suggesting the talking about your father may have been them trying to find the root of your "problem". However, INSISTING is not ok.

There are many different schools of thought on therapy. Some are caught up in the old "if you are female then you must have father issues." And try to push that on you. There are newer approaches, and I forgot what they're called that take an approach of "what's going on now in your life, and what changes can you make your NOW more livable. Constantly dredging up the past is not helpful for some people.

Maybe you just haven't found the right therapist. I actually interview therapists on their view of what therapy is to them. If they think that everything boils down to a relationship with parents, I move on.

I can't speak from experience because I've never cried in session but I did see a video by a psychologist a while back that stated therapists do not or should not comfort a client when they're crying. The reason being is as stated by other posts that is something friends do. They want to comfort you so you will stop crying because they are not comfortable seeing you cry. So friends and family will comfort you not only because they care but because they themselves are uncomfortable.

The therapist is not supposed to make you feel uncomfortable and should make you feel that it's okay to cry so that is why they do not comfort you. Their goal is to just allow you to have the moment and be there with you witnessing the moment. To let you feel what you're feeling. Their goal is to let you cry it out and experience what you're going through rather than comfort you in order to get you to stop. I'm not saying I agree or disagree that is just where the therapist are coming from.

I probably went to my therapist for 8 months before I cried in front of him. We had talked about a bunch of heavy stuff. The thing that made me cry was seemingly minor and that made it somewhat surprising to me and perhaps to him too. He has tissues on his table but did not hand them to me, and I didn't take any.

I have cried several times since then and occasionally he will ask me, "If your tears could talk, what would they be saying?" Which he sometimes asks if he is not sure why I am crying. I've only started sobbing in front of him once and he didn't act any differently.

Look, therapists are used to people weeping in front of them. It happens to them literally everyday. Ordinary people tend to react to tears with something like panic and try to get you to "stop" crying but therapists are much more relaxed and that somehow makes it easier. I basically cry in front of no one, normally.

When I initially started crying in therapy I would get mad at myself and angrily wipe the tears away or shake my hands to try and get the tears to stop. I was taught that crying was for babies and it was weak to cry so that is why I did these things. Most therapists will sit there and tell you where the tissues are or hand you the tissue box and the tissues. They don't want to comfort you usually because it shuts down your emotions. Sometimes I had therapists who would ask me to tell them about the tears. During these times I notice that the therapists voice would get softer and you could actually feel their caring.

When I started crying the first time, my T didn't do anything special, he gave me a few seconds to get a tissue (he doesn't have any in his office as far as I know). Otherwise we just continued talking normally. So far, he has never commented on me crying or anything similar. But he usually tries to not stress me out too much while I cry.

He was from my college health center. It was pretty traumatizing and humiliating. I ended up leaving school with no degree. If only I had found a good therapist!

I wouldn't even think interviewing therapists is an option. I just found ones, made the appointment, went once and didn't want to go back, or several times, then didn't want to go back. Even the therapists would never tell me what is therapy, what to expect from it, etc...

Plus, my mother would poo poo it and call it BS. She'd shame me for spending money on it. And I'd have to agree with her after speaking with the therapists.

I see my T once a week and have for the last almost two years. I think I cried every session for the first six months or so. She simply gave me the space to cry.

I've never been able to cry in therapy but I asked my t once what she would do if I were to start crying. She thought about it for a moment and said, "I would let you cry." While that didn't give me any specifics about what exactly she might do or say, it made me feel more comfortable, made me feel like my tears would be welcomed and respected.

This discussion is really making me think, because whenever my patients start crying (I'm a regular old doctor, not in psych), my immediate impulse is to touch them. If I'm sitting on their hospital bed I'll often put a hand on their knee or take their hand, and if we're in outpatient clinic I might lightly touch their hand/knee or briefly hold their elbow/arm or something. (Other things I do when people start crying is make sure to stop taking notes/typing, turn my body toward them as much as I can, sit down if I'm not already sitting. I would bet that my face changes to a more empathetic expression 'cause I can feel my eyes going soft, but that happens unconsciously.)

To the best of my knowledge, this impulse of mine comes not from discomfort with their distress, but from a desire to communicate to them that this distress is okay and welcome here, that I hear/see their suffering, that their pain has an impact on me. I don't know why this would be an inappropriate message for a t to send--can anyone explain?

There's also the issue of consent. Obviously if people flinch away I withdraw immediately, but I don't usually ask for permission. I dunno if it's any different because I'm a regular doctor so I have to touch them anyway (and usually by the time they're crying I have already listened to their heart and looked in their ears and pressed on their belly etc etc, which I always ask permission before doing)... but reading about how so many people don't like to be touched makes me re-think this approach. What say y'all?

It is kind and caring to give some acknowledgement and comfort to someone who is upset. No therapist ever told me it was part of their job to be non reactive. At least, then, I would have understood their coldness. It's lovely of you to show you care. Perhaps you can ask if it's ok to touch.

t hugged me and let me sleep on his couch for a few hours

For me, not wanting to be touched by my T has more to do with managing the intensity of my attachment to her and making sure it feels safe and okay to feel so close to her. I like my regular doctor but I'm not really attached to her, and I would feel okay/comforted if she touched me in a kind way if I were to cry in front of her. But I'm guessing other people might have a deeper, more generalized negative reaction to being touched.

The first time I cried T just got up and put the tissue box close to me and sat back down...all this while we continued the conversation. We had been seeing each other for a few years at that point. I took a deep breath wiped my years and stopped crying. Since then if I start to cry she just stays in her seat and we go from there. Her voice normally changes a bit she doesn't acknowledge it. With EMDR T she just keeps the conversation going..but I grab a tissue.

The policy at work is thay nobody should offer a tissue or acknowledge the crying becauae normally the dryer will stop and stop feeling the emotions