[RubyRae]

I have talked to a few people that bragged because after just a few months of therapy their T's told them how well they were doing and suggested they really didn't need to continue,unless they wanted to.They also weren't diagnosed with a MI,weren't referred anywhere else,no medication suggested or prescribed,etc.So they brag about it,claiming they're 'normal', although they admit they faked it.

I don't understand the point of going if a person is going to do that.

So my question is,are you real in therapy?I don't mean real as in completely opening up right away,I'm talking about showing your real,true unedited self,without putting on an act or behaving in a way that would make it seem like you don't have any issues or problems.

I was my true authentic self.It may have taken me a few years to start talking about my traumas but my behavior,the way I speak,it was all who I am,flaws and all.

[stopdog]

I am more real than the therapist who is merely playing a role.

However, I would not consider it a waste or wrong if I chose not to be "real" (whatever the hell that means) - I can go to find out all sorts of things or to see what it is that therapists do (or don't do as the case may be). I may want other sorts of information. I can use therapy in any way I want. I pay for the time and it does not hurt the therapist in any way. Why would it bother anyone else how I spend my time and money?

[toomanycats]

I am cautiously vulnerable in therapy.

[Daisy Dead Petals]

I try to be as much as I am able right now. The more I trust T, the easier it gets.

[MrsDuckL]

In my opinion, people who brag about being "normal" (regardless of that is true) need a swift kick to the knees ;-) Not cool and not respectful of others. There are many of us like myself in therapy who would be considered "normal" by some arbitrary standard--I've never had a diagnosis (I think I have one for insurance purposes, but never asked/ don't want to know) , I've never been on medication, never done therapy prior to starting three months ago. Does this make me "normal"? Not any more or less than anyone else. We're all following our own journeys of mental health.

(Anyhow, I know that really wasn't your question, just felt the need to throw out some support and love today )

To answer your question--I'm as real as I can be in therapy. It's been a process of learning to trust my therapist, I'm suuuuppppeeerr slow to trust and have just now, after three months in, accepted that my therapist can be 100% trusted. It's a process for me in letting down walls and sarcasm defenses. Personally, I wouldn't waste my time in therapy if I wasn't giving it my best effort in being genuine.

[lucozader]

I certainly try to be real. It would seem like a waste of my time and effort and money otherwise...

[Shazerac]

Usually I'm real in therapy. But occasionally keep my card close to my chest. There are just some days when I don't feel like digging deep. There are other times when i'm stressed out and down play it because I don't want the doc to up my meds. She's quicker with her prescription pad than a a gun fighter at the OK corral.

[Elio]

I push myself to be completely me, honest, and open. That doesn't mean I am completely open - I am me and I am honest. It took almost a year to trust T or I should say mostly trust T. There are still somethings I have not told her about and I might not ever tell her, or I might.

[BudFox]

I also found that thearpists were acting much more than I was, and that drove much of the weirdness. If anything I was too real and too open.

For me the basic problem was -- I was placed into what was essentially a bizarrre and aberrant social situation, and expected to be real. Not just real, but bare it all. And if I didn't cough up my secrets to the cyborg-like figure across from me, there was something wrong with me. It was misplaced trust that got me in trouble, not failure to be real.

[Shazerac]

It takes me a looooooong time to trust. Part my problem lately is my Pdoc retired and I have a new one. I'm beginning to think that I don't actually like her. She's a stick in the mud. My old doctor I could laugh with about things and accomplishments. This new lady looks at me like I have 2 heads if I crack a joke. Seriously?

Yes, usually very real since I have loose defenses.

When I feel like a young child, that's the realest I could ever feel. Young children are spontaneous, untouched by biases, education, strong opinions. That's when I feel most authentic. Although I realize the opinions and biases are equally real, there's something liberating about being in those child states. Unpretentious, carefree, and perpetually curious.

Kind of regret showing the negative parts of myself at times but oh well.

[Argonautomobile]

At the risk of ripping off a movie line...how am I not myself? How am I not myself?!

What if putting on an act is who you are? Like, it's a central part of your character (or, perhaps, your problem) to put on a brave face and deny any issues?

Are you really being authentic if you hide these defense m\echanisms and behave with uncharacteristic openness (or whatever) in therapy?

Haha. Tricky waters. I don't care how other people do their therapy. But I can understand being irritated at listening to others brag.

ETA: To answer the question...frankly, I haven't the slightest idea how not to edit myself. I have no idea what my true, honest, authentic self is and don't really understand making a distinction between two selves - one authentic and one not so much. Which I guess means that I'm either always authentic or never authentic?

I feel like I once had a conversation with my T about this (something about Heidegger...?) and he looked extremely bored.

My T, that is. Not Heidegger.

[Anastasia~]

I am real and genuine.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

At the risk of ripping off a movie line...how am I not myself? How am I not myself?!

What if putting on an act is who you are? Like, it's a central part of your character (or, perhaps, your problem) to put on a brave face and deny any issues?

Are you really being authentic if you hide these defense m\echanisms and behave with uncharacteristic openness (or whatever) in therapy?

Haha. Tricky waters. I don't care how other people do their therapy. But I can understand being irritated at listening to others brag.

ETA: To answer the question...frankly, I haven't the slightest idea how not to edit myself. I have no idea what my true, honest, authentic self is and don't really understand making a distinction between two selves - one authentic and one not so much. Which I guess means that I'm either always authentic or never authentic?

I feel like I once had a conversation with my T about this (something about Heidegger...?) and he looked extremely bored.

My T, that is. Not Heidegger.

Immanual Kant was real pissant
who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.....

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...7809&FORM=VIRE

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

At the risk of ripping off a movie line...how am I not myself? How am I not myself?!

What if putting on an act is who you are? Like, it's a central part of your character (or, perhaps, your problem) to put on a brave face and deny any issues?

Are you really being authentic if you hide these defense m\echanisms and behave with uncharacteristic openness (or whatever) in therapy?

Haha. Tricky waters. I don't care how other people do their therapy. But I can understand being irritated at listening to others brag.

ETA: To answer the question...frankly, I haven't the slightest idea how not to edit myself. I have no idea what my true, honest, authentic self is and don't really understand making a distinction between two selves - one authentic and one not so much. Which I guess means that I'm either always authentic or never authentic?

I feel like I once had a conversation with my T about this (something about Heidegger...?) and he looked extremely bored.

My T, that is. Not Heidegger.

Many unconscious defense mechanisms distort reality (your own reality). Some therapists aggressively work with breaking down defenses, that's why I hardly have any. Mine came down too fast and it was traumatic. Nothing to brag about--I have depression now.

Defense mechanisms are also a measure of pathology (not saying anyone should agree or disagree with this, but it is how they are viewed in psychodynamic literature).

Interesting points, nonetheless.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Rayne_

Defense mechanisms are also a measure of pathology (not saying anyone should agree or disagree with this, but it is how they are viewed in psychodynamic literature).

Defense mechanisms always serve some purpose. I don't think they are pathological in the real world, even if they are considered so in the dream world of psychodynamic literature, which exists to support an ideology and a profession that needs to find pathology everywhere in order to exist.

When it comes to therapy specifically, given the often extreme opacity of the therapist, and thus the near impossibility of establishing genuine trust, could be argued that letting down defenses is never appropriate.

If I had known it as being done to me, I would not have consented. I was happy and carefree when I had them.

However, they can be damaging, depending on which ones you use. My mother used denial all the time, so even though she saw my father abusing me with her own eyes, it did not exist. Reality was distorted.

Some say if you block out pain, you block out love too. Not sure I believe that anymore though I can see how that can work for some.

Extremes of anything are not usually good.

Very real. My therapist is the only person in my life i CAN me real with, so I take advantage of that, and I am absolutely truthful about everything. It helps so much.

[ruh roh]

Yes, of course I am real. Some people aren't real even when not in therapy. They are all persona, going for effect, often not even aware of it. I have no idea why some would have to turn it into an editorial about the therapist's realness, but mine has said she is a modified human in her role. There is no secret about that. It does not take a genius to assess. The important thing is what the person wants to deal with in themselves and if they are bringing that to look at in therapy (if that's what they are there for).

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by Rayne_

Many unconscious defense mechanisms distort reality (your own reality). Some therapists aggressively work with breaking down defenses, that's why I hardly have any. Mine came down too fast and it was traumatic. Nothing to brag about--I have depression now.

Defense mechanisms are also a measure of pathology (not saying anyone should agree or disagree with this, but it is how they are viewed in psychodynamic literature).

Interesting points, nonetheless.

That sounds very painful, Rayne. I hope it turns out to be helpful. And thank you for your response - that makes sense.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I have no idea why some would have to turn it into an editorial about the therapist's realness, but mine has said she is a modified human in her role.

To me therapist realness/fakeness is precisely the issue. Why would I want to bring my real self to a relationship with someone who adopts a contrived persona? It's a contradiction. The therapist says: you be as authentic and vulnerable as possible, while I hide in the shadows. This is exactly what got me in trouble.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

I guess. I think I am. I try, anyway, otherwise what's the point of going? I'm not going to accomplish much without being honest.

Sometimes I realize that I haven't been honest with myself, even, much less the therapist. A previous poster said defense mechanisms always serve a purpose...I think that's a huge part of what therapy has been for me, figuring out when those defenses are functional and healthy and when they are not.

I am about as real as I get with my t. It took awhile to get there, but I got there. The only other place I am as real as I get is with my drumming group. Where I have not been in waaaay too long and need to get my butt downtown and among them SOON!!

[nottrustin]

My best friend often says I am the most real person she knows what you see is what you get. I don't know how Mott to be real. I am me...thay isn't to say that I don't have problems being vulnerable or trusting others, I mayy say my mood is okay when I am struggling. Unfortunately the real me has these struggles do to life circumstances.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by BudFox

To me therapist realness/fakeness is precisely the issue. Why would I want to bring my real self to a relationship with someone who adopts a contrived persona? It's a contradiction. The therapist says: you be as authentic and vulnerable as possible, while I hide in the shadows. This is exactly what got me in trouble.

I don't want to talk to a contrived persona either, and that is not what I meant when I described my therapist's function. I don't see things in such stark and simplistic terms as the ones you use. My experiences have been very different than the ones you describe.