[Soccer mom]

I thought I would post about my experience of being terminated and coming out on the other side because I know I thought it wasn't possible.

My T. terminated me 2 years ago this month over my transference. I had MET with her and she was consuming my thoughts. I was going to her after the death of my emotionally distant mother who abused alcohol and prescription drugs. I had been to my T. in the past and never had any feelings for her until my mom died. I had the impression that she was the only one who could help me. I knew I wasn't getting better but was afraid no one else could help me. I knew at the time there were questionable things going on but I kept thinking she knew best. She eventually made me space every 2 weeks and then terminated. I got confirmation from other therapists that her termination was unethical - she gave me 1 more session after the notice and then got upset when I told her I had seen another therapist.

I immediately saw another therapist who I believe was sent to me in some way. I hated every moment of the first two months. I had panic attacks and felt I wasn't going to get better. The entire first year we just processed my experience with my ex-T. I learned how inappropriate she was with me and how her actions were feeding my transference. I wrote her a letter about a year and a half in telling her all the ways she treated me incorrectly. Her assumptions were wrong and she fed my problems. I had other therapists telling me I should file a complaint.

We ended up working out at the same gym where I had gone for years. It was awkward at first but we ended up talking every time I saw her. For about 8 months now I've wanted to ask her about her experience with me - what was she thinking or feeling. She never said a word about the letter I wrote her. So, this past weekend I decided to do it. I asked "what was your experience with me". Her response was "we've discussed it". I laughed out loud and told her she used to say that to me all the time. She then told me about a client who disassociates and how she figured it out like she wanted to end reminding me that she's good. I never disassociated with her. She never answered my question - just made the focus about her. Exactly how it used to be.

I left her and in that moment felt free. I no longer think about her or care what she's doing. And I would prefer to never see her again. It's just a healthy closure and a realization that she will never be able to answer any of my questions.

Now, I GET to move on and enjoy the therapist that was put into my life. So, it is possible. It takes time and a lot of tears. It takes a TON OF WORK and figuring everything out. But, it can be done.

[ruh roh]

What a great update. Thanks!

Thank you so much for the update!

[toomanycats]

Thank you -- I needed this tonight.

[Calilady]

Great update!

I'm going through terminating with mine and it's totally up and down. Days where I'm completely cool and days like today where the pain is so heavy.

Great to see you made it out through the other side.

How are you going to feel continuing to work out there?

[here today]

Awesome! So glad you made it out the other side.

I'm not going to try again. I get some good support from PC and other places IRL. I hope that competent therapists who treat people like you will eventually decide that they need to do something about the "bad apples" and/or bad practices that are far too prevalent in their profession. From people I know in support groups, there are many clients who are stuck or abandoned and do NOT get better.

[Out There]

I'm pleased to read this - painful as these things are I believe they help us grow and learn and often feel things happen for a reason like your new T straight after.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Calilady

Great update!

I'm going through terminating with mine and it's totally up and down. Days where I'm completely cool and days like today where the pain is so heavy.

Great to see you made it out through the other side.

How are you going to feel continuing to work out there?

After this last conversation, I hope I don't see her again. But, I'm not going to let her decide when I workout. I'll just stick to a different area if she's there. I live in a small town so there are greater chances of running into her. But, I don't care anymore.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Out There

I'm pleased to read this - painful as these things are I believe they help us grow and learn and often feel things happen for a reason like your new T straight after.

Yes, and my current T. gives me what I need so I don't feel so desperate in between sessions. It was one of the most painful things I've gone through but two years later I now see how bad she was for me. Three other clients of hers have left her and come to my current T. I'd love to tell her that.