[objectclient]

Following on from my previous thread (see link below*) I thought it more appropriate to start a new one: How to choose the right T. I thought it might not only help me but also others in search of similar answers.

So how did you choose your T?

How did things like their qualifications, experience, approach, personal qualities inform your decision?

Was there anything about yourself that affected your choice of therapist? (i.e. gender, personal history, beliefs, etc)

What have you learned through your experience? Would you make the same decision again?

I look forward to reading your replies!

* https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...ml#post5805134

[CharlieStarDust]

She is my first one - I liked her face and name. I looked at what she works with and it fit my issues. When I met her I knew she was the right choice. All I really cared about at that point was that she was a PhD.
I was looking for someone who was young-ish, female.
What have I learned? A lot! I think, though, if I were to look again, I'd opt for more research (only because now i know what I want and what's important to me in a T).
Good luck on your quest!

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I went to sessions with two therapists before choosing the one I'm with now, but I also talked to one more (who recommended my T to me) because she was the emergency psychiatrist on call one night.

So I got a recommendation for going to him, the other two I just found by going to my schools counselling service.

I did check on each of their qualifications, experience and so on. My T was the only psychiatrist, the others were psychologists. This was important to me, although I know many psychiatrists do not offer talk therapy.

His approach did not really affect my decision, since I did not know enough about different methods at that time (however, looking back, I'd say it would certainly be important to me to choose a proper treating method for my issue and just by chance I chose someone who has fitting approaches).

For me, the things that were important that made me choose my T over the other ones were:
- he is male (I feel more comfortable with men)
- he didn't question things I said (one of the other Ts questioned things that were not even relevant to my issues)
- he actually seemed to know how to work with mental issues (one of the other Ts seemed to not even understand that I had issues...)
- he did not offer advice on how to talk to my mother about money (again one of the other Ts did, I feel it is inappropriate for Ts to offer advice when they do not know your situation yet)
- he didn't make me wait for half an hour in the waiting room
- he did not tell me that I would have to be "cured" in half a year or that I needed to work on "showing my emotions so he could treat me"
- we got along well in the initial sessions

The last point was probably most important to me. With all other Ts, I did not feel like they understood what I was talking about, or like they were not interested in what I had to say. I certainly did not feel like my T and I could be best friends or anything, but I felt comfortable talking to him and still do.

Provided with the same choices, I would definitely take the same T again. If I had to search for a new one, I'd probably try to find somebody who knows how to treat the issues I have. But I'd always go to at least a couple of sessions before deciding whether I like a T, since the relationship you develop with your therapist to me is one of the most important factors in how well therapy will work.

[1978dd]

I'm a research junkie, so I did lots of research on potential therapists. Had to be a female; my father was very abusive. There also had to be some type of "chemistry" to make me feel comfortable, and no new-be right out of school. Basically a trial and error until I found the right one. I'm pleased with the one I have now and she has a therapy dog, which reduces my stress. She's close to my age, so we kind of "get" each other. My criteria was developed after several mismatches.

[MrsDuckL]

Such an interesting question! This is therapist #3 for me--the previous two were short lived (one only wanted to do EMDR (just not for me) the other dumped all his clients after five sessions.) After getting burned with being dumped, I tried to be more prudent this time around. I used the directory on Psychology today, which I found to be very useful. For me, the first criteria beyond accepting my insurance was finding a male therapist (I'm female)--I'm dealing with trauma from childhood abuse and my abusive mom and I can't open up to anyone who I view in a mother role. I'm an atheist, so I also immediately eliminated anyone who used the words spiritual, religion, etc in their description. Beyond that, I wanted someone who specialized in my issues (trauma, ptsd, anxiety) and I prefer to see someone on the phd level if possible. I also exhausted anything and everything I could find in google before setting up an appointment. I did a brief phone consult with my therapist before setting up the first appointment, and I was amazed at how kind and compassionate he was over the phone. My first appointment was three months ago, and I was touched after that first appointment how caring and empathetic he was--I had never before been asked at the end of a session if I felt safe, and how I was feeling. My therapist is a clinical psychologist and uses mainly a mindfulness and interpersonal approach, which I really agree with. I know different approaches work for different people, but what I need is someone who was kind and empathetic (previous theorist who dumped me constantly made me feel pitied, which is very different from empathy.) But I also want someone who is more than just a compassionate listener--I love that I am (kindly) challenged and my destructive beliefs questioned. I was an English major and read a lot to understand my own issues, and I LOVE that my therapist is also a big reader and we trade book recommendations constantly.

Anyhow, that's a brief description of what I was looking for upfront, and what I need in a therapist. I thank my lucky stars each week that I won the therapist lottery. I'm slow to trust and just last week after three months, I FINALLY 100% trust my therapist.

[stopdog]

I interviewed over 30 or so and kept going back to the two I despised the least. I knew I was looking for older women who were straight (did not want to run into one in my own community) and who did not have any toys, or stuffed animals or such like things in their office.

[toomanycats]

S (Long-term ExT) and J (short-term, first T after S) and C (New T):

So how did you choose your T?
S & J - Psychology Today search
C - I emailed a bunch of practices outlining exactly what I was looking for and asking if they knew of anyone who offered that kind of therapy; I was referred to C.

How did things like their qualifications, experience, approach, personal qualities inform your decision?
Personalities played a big role in choosing S and J. I always said that I chose S because "he's the first T to tell me he had something different to try." He was a PsyD, so I thought I could trust him more.

I left my sessions with J always feeling lighter, better, more ready to take on my life -- that was my sign that he was a good choice. He was really young, though, so I wasn't sure it would work out for long.

That I was referred to C by experienced therapists played largely into my choosing him. He's the first T I've had for whom I've had actual recommendations from other professionals. His personality didn't sit well with me at first, but he's quickly grown on me.

Was there anything about yourself that affected your choice of therapist? (i.e. gender, personal history, beliefs, etc)
I was looking to try a male therapist when I met S - I had been "dumped" by my last female therapist, and I just wanted to try something new.
After S left me, I was so badly hurt...I think I just was driven to work with a new male T because the wound had been made by this male T...

What have you learned through your experience? Would you make the same decision again?
I've learned a lot. I've learned that I can survive devastation. I've learned both how to love and how to survive having my heart broken. I feel braver now - less like I'm looking to avoid the pain of caring about someone, needing them, connecting with them...and then losing them. Because I've survived it now.

I've also learned how to feel grief. I've learned how to sit in it, experience it, and survive it. I've learned that the inner child part of me isn't shameful -- that it's not doing something wrong to have needs and wants. And, I've learned that I'm drawn to people who will hurt me -- and that I need to listen to the red flags and my own instincts rather than letting someone else tell me what's right and wrong.

[Lemoncake]

Honest answer: His profile picture. He was listed on the first page that I searched for after I filtered for gender. I find it easier to talk to men than to women. He seemed like someone nice. He also didn't start his introduction with "I am a cbt or XYZ trained therapist with 10 years experience" like everyone else did, but it was rather that it wasn't easy starting therapy for the first time. The focus wasn't about him, but on the client and helping them feel comfortable. He'd listed that he replied to emails within 2 days so my benchmark was the way he replied back. Other than that I just wanted someone who was also registered with the British council.

The 2nd therapist before him was selected mainly just by distance, but I knew it really wouldn't work with her after our first meeting.

[Wonderfalls]

I started with a list of therapists who took my insurance and then did what research was possible online. For that I was mainly eliminating. One of them my then psychiatrist/therapist had worked with over insurance matters and he recommended him as at least a good guy who cared enough about his clients to fight for them. I've been to him for 6 sessions. We got along easily.

Unfortunately his areas of interest and therapy were not mine. so I've just switched to another. Pulled out my annotated list from the insurance company and chose the one closest to me. (Therapist #2's office was pretty far away.) She seems to understand the direction I want to take, but I still haven't decided how much I like her. Not sure if I want a female therapist too.

I had been looking for a new psychiatrist and also ended up with a new internist all at the same time. It's not fun "interviewing" a bunch of health care people at once. There wasn't a PsyD who was on my (short) list and taking new patients. For the pdoc I had to start calling many months before. Didn't find any who do therapy too.

[ElectricManatee]

I chose my therapist because I wanted a female therapist who was competent with LGBT issues. That's really all I knew going in. I kept going back because she was kind and really listened and had a good sense of humor. I had a sense that she would never judge me or push me to do things I wasn't ready for. In a word, she seemed trustworthy. The "fit" is so important, and it's hard to know ahead of time whether you'll have chemistry or not. Best of luck with your search.

While researching names my pdoc gave me on psychologytoday.com, I quite accidentally stumbled upon her profile on the same page as one of the names he'd given me. The words "dream work" in her profile intrigued me, so I clicked on her name and read her full profile, then called her and one of the ones from pdoc, and she was the first one to call me back. We just 'clicked' from that first phone call. That was almost 6 years ago... and I grew to love dream work.

Therapy wasn't going to happen if insurance didn't pay for it, so I started with my insurance provider list. Narrowed it down for distance. Narrowed it down again to male therapists only since I was done wasting time and money on anymore female therapists (a whole other story). It came down to two therapists. Essentially I liked my therapist's credentials, experience level, location, etc. and went for it. Knew right away he was a good choice.

I got kind of lucky. I needed someone who kept Saturday appointments, so the pool was limited pretty quickly. I found T through a Google search. I liked his website because it's very detailed and gave me a good idea of who he is as a clinician. I liked that he had lots of experience with trauma, and that his primary modality was not CBT. So I called him and asked if he was taking new clients. I was on his waitlist for a month, and I liked him instantly. Well, actually, I wasn't sure about him until the last 5 minutes of our first session.

[captgut]

I'm lucky.
I googled "psychotherapy clinic", randomly chose one in my location and called them crying.
They said: "We'd recommend you to see <T's name here>". I said ok.
That's all.

[half_awakexx]

I was going through a really rough patch; drinking a lot and ended up forcing myself to get an evaluation so I could obtain treatment. I didn't meet her until after the evaluation was over and I was assigned to her. Thank the powers that be I was She's an amazing therapist and person, overall.

[catnip123]

I used the Psychology Today web site to get a list of female therapists in my area who accepted my insurance. I contacted a few - one wouldn't work due to scheduling difficulties, one turned me off by her email response, I went to see one that was not at all friendly or personable, then I tried the one that I finally choose. She is friendly, appears to be competent and schedules appointments at times that are convenient for me.

I wanted to find a psychologist, but ended up with a counselor with a master's degree.

I also researched several that didn't take insurance, but none of the seemed to be 'better' than the one that I found that I picked that takes my insurance. I tried one who didn't take insurance for a while after my T of 5 years quit, but I didn't think she was helping me enough to justify paying full price.

Good luck

[alpacalicious]

I found my previous and first T in my university counselling service. I choose the service because there were some free sessions and then for the other ones the prices were really low. I was in pain and really suicidal, so I emailed her straight away. The only thing that I didn't like about the search was that on the university site there wasn't her name, they only said "this is a counselling service!". Then after meeting her I went home and searched his CV. I'm glad she posted it because I think it's important that a T posts his CV or at least some informations about their approach and their qualifications. But to be honest I didn't like her that much. She was gentle and patient, but she was a trainee and didn't have that much experience. I saw her for 1 year with a pause in between only because of the low prices.

Now I plan to start therapy again but I want a male therapist because I feel less anxious around males in general. I already found a therapist. Basically I wanted to search for one that adopts a jungian approach, so I searched for "jungian psychotherapist" and I found him near my university area! I really like his approach (basically jungian and psychodinamic). The prices listed on the site aren't high so that's good too. He's young (under 35) but he has more experience than my previous T and I like what he wrote about his work. When I'll start university in a few weeks I plan to call him.

Good luck!

[1978dd]

Originally Posted by MrsDuckL

Such an interesting question! This is therapist #3 for me--the previous two were short lived (one only wanted to do EMDR (just not for me) the other dumped all his clients after five sessions.) After getting burned with being dumped, I tried to be more prudent this time around. I used the directory on Psychology today, which I found to be very useful. For me, the first criteria beyond accepting my insurance was finding a male therapist (I'm female)--I'm dealing with trauma from childhood abuse and my abusive mom and I can't open up to anyone who I view in a mother role. I'm an atheist, so I also immediately eliminated anyone who used the words spiritual, religion, etc in their description. Beyond that, I wanted someone who specialized in my issues (trauma, ptsd, anxiety) and I prefer to see someone on the phd level if possible. I also exhausted anything and everything I could find in google before setting up an appointment. I did a brief phone consult with my therapist before setting up the first appointment, and I was amazed at how kind and compassionate he was over the phone. My first appointment was three months ago, and I was touched after that first appointment how caring and empathetic he was--I had never before been asked at the end of a session if I felt safe, and how I was feeling. My therapist is a clinical psychologist and uses mainly a mindfulness and interpersonal approach, which I really agree with. I know different approaches work for different people, but what I need is someone who was kind and empathetic (previous theorist who dumped me constantly made me feel pitied, which is very different from empathy.) But I also want someone who is more than just a compassionate listener--I love that I am (kindly) challenged and my destructive beliefs questioned. I was an English major and read a lot to understand my own issues, and I LOVE that my therapist is also a big reader and we trade book recommendations constantly.

Anyhow, that's a brief description of what I was looking for upfront, and what I need in a therapist. I thank my lucky stars each week that I won the therapist lottery. I'm slow to trust and just last week after three months, I FINALLY 100% trust my therapist.

I felt that your post was very helpful and I related to it. I always do research on prospective therapists, physicians and other professionals before "trying them out." I'm in my 50's so I eliminate 20 something young therapists. I know they have to start somewhere, just not with me. Also, I avoid older "new" therapists. I want someone who has life experience and therapy experience. I want to have confidence in my therapist, partly due to abandonment issues. I guess I'm less flexible but it's my choice and I NEED an experienced therapist. I think everyone needs a therapist or other professional that they have confidence in. After all, it's your money and more importantly your life!!

[1978dd]

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

While researching names my pdoc gave me on psychologytoday.com, I quite accidentally stumbled upon her profile on the same page as one of the names he'd given me. The words "dream work" in her profile intrigued me, so I clicked on her name and read her full profile, then called her and one of the ones from pdoc, and she was the first one to call me back. We just 'clicked' from that first phone call. That was almost 6 years ago... and I grew to love dream work.

Can you tell me more about "Dream work?"

[UpDownAround]

I started by searching for "psycholgist MyTown MyInsuance" and most of the first few listings were from the same large source where they all seem to be listed (not sure what policy here is about links to that site, but search and ye shall find). I click a listing to get on that site and then do a new search with my location, my insurance and the disorders I would like expertise in. I go down the list reading bios, searching for ratings, looking at qualifications and getting a sense of whether it is someone I should consider. I get down to a short list pretty quickly. Then it is gut feel as to which one I call first. If the therapist has openings that work and booking the appointment is not unpleasant, I do a session. My copay is $20, so making a mistake isn't too costly. I do this in the space of an hour or two; I am not one to commiserate over decisions like this. I gotta do something, even if it's wrong.

EDIT - I see others mention psychologytoday.com so I guess it is okay to say that is the site I used.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by 1978dd

I felt that your post was very helpful and I related to it. I always do research on prospective therapists, physicians and other professionals before "trying them out." I'm in my 50's so I eliminate 20 something young therapists. I know they have to start somewhere, just not with me. Also, I avoid older "new" therapists. I want someone who has life experience and therapy experience. I want to have confidence in my therapist, partly due to abandonment issues. I guess I'm less flexible but it's my choice and I NEED an experienced therapist. I think everyone needs a therapist or other professional that they have confidence in. After all, it's your money and more importantly your life!!

I am in my late 50s and do the same thing with the ones that see too young. I enjoy meditation but when I am getting therapy I am not a "chant your mantra" kinda guy. Same for crystals, magnets, auras (one of my issues is I can see them sometimes even though I don't believe in them), etc. I have the hang up that much of our generation does and I have an easier time talking to a woman than another guy.

I don't like wasting money or time, so I jump right in and spill my guts. I don't hold back. I have some unbidden thoughts that would be hard to reveal outside of therapy where I can be clear that they are unbidden. I do not wait to establish trust. I read reviews; if they had a tendency to betray confidence I assume it would be out there. If they violate it, I would move on.

She is a DID specialist and I have DID, I needed someone who was an expert in that area.

[SalingerEsme]

I loved my T's bio/resume- so full of contradictions it seemed like he had lived a ton of life and was seasoned in many ways and experienced. I wanted someone with a phd who was my same generation.

[Nammu]

My very first t was recommended by the ER social worker. He was good. After about two yrs he recommended a female t. She was good too.

In NM it was hit or miss the Ts were ok. I was homeless so what I could get was very limited.

I have no recollection of how I hooked up with my first t in Austin tx but she was very good for the place I was at at the time.
My second t in Austin I met though a woman's shelter she was doing group therapy for victims of domestic abuse and I asked to see her privately. She was excellent.
My last t was recommended by DVR and I saw her for 7 yrs.