[boogiesmash]

I don't know if this is the proper forum to post this. A little history, I have a coworker that I was close with. I'd go to her BBQ,got along great with her boyfriend and made some friends. We looked after each other at work, such as with ot and if anybody was talking drama. About five years ago, for my birthday I was plant to go celebrate. She said sure I'll be there. When the time came she said she was going to another's friend's birthday celebration and wouldn't make mine. I got angry at her. We didn't talk at all after that. A month later my mom had an accident, and I had to go take her to the hospital. I called out and this coworker planned to leave early that day, and now she couldn't. The next work day she kept ridiculing me for "screwing" her over. I finally yelled I'm sorry I had to take my mom to the hospital. She didn't say a word after that.

Fast forward another month and I was in the process of getting my dream job. I was a shoe in. I had a high score placed second and had an in. They had to do a background investigation. Now this was the final straw that broke me. In the meantime she had some disagreement with our supervisor and filed a sexual harassment complaint. I was questioned because she mentioned he would make fun of my nationality, which he did, but he was busting my balls and I'd bust his.
While they were investigating this, they found out I gave massages to all the girls at work. This was innocent and platonic. Anyway I was listed as a principle in the investigation. Now remember that background check, well they got word of this and disqualified me from the job.

That broke me. I found out what anxiety was and depression. Actually rock bottom depression. I was depressed for over a year. I started isolating myself and not caring. New Year's Eve 2013 going into 2014. I was alone, defeated, hopeless, failed etc. I tried to kill myself by od. I stopped when my niece and best friend called.

Ever since then I hated her. I was angry and resented her presence. Anytime we worms together their was super tension.
Fast forward to present. I'm in iop as I was getting worse with depression. One class I took talked about resentment and I learned I have to let this go. But how could I? She has no shame about what she did, she broke my future and anytime we work together I'm left out of any activities my coworkers plan. I've learned that I have to let this go but how? With this I want her to know how she f up my life and the pain I've felt ever since. Also how I became a shut in cause of those actions, lost pleasure in my hobbies and all I do is stay in bed (that was actually main reason my t and pdoc suggested iop).

Again how do I let this go? I know their is no way we will be friends again, or do I want to be, but I have to be diplomatic about her actions, even though I want to yell at her. How do i forgive even if I don't talk to her. How do I beat this resentment, which probably contributes to my pain?

Thanks for reading this.

[growlycat]

Some people don't know how to be a friend and know only drama. I'm so sorry you had to work with and deal with someone like that. I relate to your post because a year ago a work friend screwed me over. I got this lady her job and I was her biggest advocate and she really just wanted my job. My boss and I had tension because our whole department was being squeezed by higher ups. Frenemy took advantage of my weakened position. She threw me under the bus in every meeting in front of everyone. I ended up scrambling to get another job in my field. She now has my old job and I'm pretty bitter about it

My ex boss was not a nice person and neither was frenemy. Now they are besties and frankly they deserve each other. Someday that relationship will take an ugly turn and I am happy that I'm 1200miles away from it

I don't mean to make this about me. My point being that people like that make their own hell by being addicted to drama and conflict. Consider yourself free?

[here today]

I have a contrary opinion. I think hatred is a human emotion and we have it for a reason. For one thing, it keeps us away from people who have hurt us. Are you still working with this woman? I think growlycat used a good word. She's a frenemy. Hatred is a terrible, painful emotion. In this case it sounds justified. However, carrying such pain may well contribute to your depression. Is there any way to decrease the intensity of the pain? It's there to protect you but sometimes it hurts, too. Maybe when you feel the hatred, validate it and say to yourself "Stay away, stay away."? You don't need this woman in your life, that's for sure. Hope one of you gets another job soon. That will happen eventually. Then you can "let it go" if you want.

[boogiesmash]

I do work with her.

[growlycat]

I'm sorry I misunderstood I thought you were in another job now? Maybe something to consider?