[justbreathe1994]

I see my T at a clinic and she has been there for quite some time, so I never really imagined her moving to private practice. Today she just informed me that she will be cutting down her hours at the clinic and spending part of her time seeing private practice clients. This probably seems like such a small thing and not a big deal at all, so I feel so overly dependent, but I'm terrified this is just the beginning of a bunch of changes and I'm going to lose her and she will just leave out of nowhere. My last therapist abandoned me and I have horrible attachment issues, so I'm so afraid she will do the same thing. I'm trying so hard to remain present and I'm so very scared.

[Mouse007]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

I see my T at a clinic and she has been there for quite some time, so I never really imagined her moving to private practice. Today she just informed me that she will be cutting down her hours at the clinic and spending part of her time seeing private practice clients. This probably seems like such a small thing and not a big deal at all, so I feel so overly dependent, but I'm terrified this is just the beginning of a bunch of changes and I'm going to lose her and she will just leave out of nowhere. My last therapist abandoned me and I have horrible attachment issues, so I'm so afraid she will do the same thing. I'm trying so hard to remain present and I'm so very scared.

I have been here before...do everything you can to relax and stay in the present...things will get better and a new therapist is really never a bad thing because you can always move to another therapist...if nothing else, really believe that we care about you!

[Shazerac]

Try to hang in there. It sounds like she is doing this in a respectful and responsible way. It might feel like abandonment, but it's not. It's scary changing a T or Pdoc but you can do this!

[justbreathe1994]

Thank you for the support and encouragement. I just needed to get that out there because my anxiety is so high. To be clear, she never really gave my any indication she was leaving entirely or has plans to stop seeing me as her client. I believe she genuinely cares about me. I don't think m she would just abandon me out of the blue (rationally I believe this, though my emotional states tell me otherwise and I keep having stupid panic attacks). I'm not at the point yet when I feel the need to seek out a new therapist, but for some reason, I just keep spiralling and panicking and not remaining present in reality (which is that she is still my therapist and wants to keep working together).

[Elio]

My T moved to private practice and I was able to move with her. There have been lots of changes and it was not smooth by no means - I am still with her which is a really good thing. Would you be able to move with her?

[Keyplayer]

Hi justdbreathe1994 ,

I too feel that my therapist may not hang for the long haul.

In the end all we can do is hope that is not the case , I am just starting to trust her , and I am counting on her guidance.

I guess it is kind of like life , you just never know , but hope for the best.

Take care , Neighbor

Keyplayer 

[Moment]

Have you shared these feelings with your therapist? I really urge you to talk about them openly and to share your fears.
Any potential changes to the therapeutic relationship can be so hard.

[justbreathe1994]

I have shared with her a lot. I just feel like she might be hiding something from me (which she totally has the "right" to do, of course). Idk if she actually is, which is making all this so hard. I see her in a few mins for my session and I'm so nervous because I left her a drunk voicemail last night and I don't even know what I said.

[justbreathe1994]

I saw my T yesterday and it was so hard. I hate that I get so dependent and clingy to people. She can't guarantee she's not leaving, which stirs up all my abandonment fears. I know nobody can give that kind of guarantee, so I shouldn't feel angry with her. I'm just very scared of losing her and don't know how to cope with the unknown... I just wanna detach altogether.

[Keyplayer]

HI JB1994,

Believe me , I know exactly what you are feeling , I too fear losing my T before I am better.

To me it would cause to fall into a more depressed state than I am already , one that might require meds.

Right now I am finding help with just talking and I don`t think I need any meds ( time will tell ).

I am not a therapist or doctor , but if you are or have to be on meds , I personally think the old fashion tricyclic antidepressants work the best , but not for longer than say 18 months max. After that they won`t hurt you they just stop working.

SSRI`s tend to have many side effects IMO , some folks have success with those , I did not.

I thats why I don`t want to be in place that would require meds , because most doc`s like SSRI`s for some reason

I am find therapy is like walking in the middle of a busy highway , you don`t know if to go right or left , without getting squished !! ( make any sense ? )

Anyway , I hear you , and feel for you , just remember what ever happens with your T , you have a whole community of fantastic people here to help.

Take care & be well

KP 

[justbreathe1994]

Originally Posted by Keyplayer

HI JB1994,

Believe me , I know exactly what you are feeling , I too fear losing my T before I am better.

To me it would cause to fall into a more depressed state than I am already , one that might require meds.

Right now I am finding help with just talking and I don`t think I need any meds ( time will tell ).

I am not a therapist or doctor , but if you are or have to be on meds , I personally think the old fashion tricyclic antidepressants work the best , but not for longer than say 18 months max. After that they won`t hurt you they just stop working.

SSRI`s tend to have many side effects IMO , some folks have success with those , I did not.

I thats why I don`t want to be in place that would require meds , because most doc`s like SSRI`s for some reason

I am find therapy is like walking in the middle of a busy highway , you don`t know if to go right or left , without getting squished !! ( make any sense ? )

Anyway , I hear you , and feel for you , just remember what ever happens with your T , you have a whole community of fantastic people here to help.

Take care & be well

KP 

Thank you for this, KP. I'm actually on a pretty good combo of meds right now and I don't know where I'd be without them. It's kinda of funny because I feel pretty dependent on those too... Whenever my psych suggests trying something new or making any modifications I get all panicky because my depression is unbearable. I'm happy for you that talking/therapy has been helping you. And if you ever end up giving meds a try, they can be a real benefit as well. I've noticed that meds kind of balance me out a bit, so that I can dig deeper in my therapy without getting lost in all the pain therapy can stir up. And lastly, thanks again for your kind words and listening to my struggle. I'm really very scared. I just got in a fight with my mom tonight which makes me wish all the more T was my mom. And then I panic because I remember she can leave and disappear at any moment.

[Keyplayer]

Hi JB1994 ,

Me too , any changes in anything and I am a complete basket case until I can work it out in my head.

I have meds for my anxiety and they help , but I have been taking them so long that it is more like a maintenance type of med-therapy .

The more I am in therapy , the more I think about the time when I will no longer be seeing my T , and that just adds more crap in my head.

I have sought out therapy for help , not added worries.

But maybe there will be something to be learned , perhaps a sense of total independence and feeling so confident that you could do anything.

I have only had 5 sessions , but have made it clear to my T that I want to have self confidence and personal reassurance that if I try something new I might actually make it.

Right now I don`t dare do anything for fear of losing it all.

I need my head to understand that one can not survive at all if one does not try.

Take care

KP 