[RubyRae]

It may seem like it doesn't/shouldn't matter,but it matters to me.

My T(who is a psychologist in private practice) is obviously wealthy,especially in comparison to the average Joe in my town.

One year things were really tough,my husband was sick and off work,I had recently quit my job and was caring for him and I was too embarrased to talk about money problems during sessions.Things got so rough that we applied for food stamps,but in order to get them I needed to have a form filled out by my T stating that I have PTSD,the main reason I had quit my job.I didn't have him fill the form out,I didn't tell him anything about it either and instead went to churches and food pantries for food.

Writing that out makes it seem so silly now.I shouldn't have cared how it made me look,I should have held my head high and talked about it and gave him the form to fill out.But at the time I really didn't think he would be able to relate to what I was going through,he just seemed like he was in a totally different stratosphere than I was.

I'm grateful,and fortunate,that things have greatly improved financially since that year,but still,thinking about it still bothers me.

Anyone else have a wealthy T?Has it ever made you feel inferior?

[stopdog]

I do not consider the woman wealthy. I would think, from what she has said, she is in the same socio-economic bracket that I am. I don't usually feel inferior to people who have more money than I do. I have made deliberate choices in my life that were to live the way I wanted. I could have made other choices which would have lead to more money but a less, for me, satisfying life.

my first therapist was, many years ago. At the time, I had no mony, was a struggling actress, could barely pay for my sessions, and there she sat in designer clothes all the time and I never saw here wear the same thing twice. I felt inferior.
My new therapist however, is not wealthy at all. Not even close. She struggles to pay her billls and her rent.

I don't think my t is 'wealthy', but I would say he must be 'comfortable' as he can afford to go on several holidays per year. I don't really think about his financial status.

[ruh roh]

I thought mine drove a swanky car and lived in a fancy house. She laughed and told me no, then described her car and said her house was very small. Even so, she has a swankiness to her, so I still think of her as wealthy.

[Salmon77]

From what I can tell my T makes a good living. I would say upper middle class, though, not really wealthy. I am currently making a career change so I'm not making much money at all right now. We have a similar class background and similar education levels, so I don't think of my having less money as a sign of inferiority.

[*Laurie*]

I had a group therapist once who was wealthy. She charged plenty for the group, too. A couple of times I was late paying my bill and she came after me like a tiger. Some of her outfits were worth more than my car was. It irritated me.

[growlycat]

My long term t was upper middle class and doing quite well. He never understood my financial struggles at all. It was a real sore spot for me.

Current t has more assets than I do as he owns a home. He and his wife both work so they probably bring in more than I do as a single person household.

But head to head Kashi and I may make a similar amount of money. When I freelance I charge more than he does

[Argonautomobile]

I doubt it. The man works at a methadone clinic. I mean, I'm sure he's better off than most of his clients, but I don't really get a "wealthy" vibe from him.

It would bother me, at least some, if my T were wealthy (in any way that was evident to me, at least). Not so much because I'd feel inferior (other things make me feel inferior, but not really money)...But I totally get what you're saying about not being able to relate/being in a different stratosphere.

Hell, I get that feeling when I talk to wealthy parents, or when I find myself in a setting where people try to include me in a conversation about, like...Whirlpool vs Maytag or something.

...And I'm just over here thinking, "B****, ain't nobody got money for a dishwasher. I do my dishes with a rag."

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I doubt it. The man works at a methadone clinic. I mean, I'm sure he's better off than most of his clients, but I don't really get a "wealthy" vibe from him.

...And I'm just over here thinking, "*****, ain't nobody got money for a dishwasher. I do my dishes with a rag."

He's rich in obscure facts, though.

To answer OP--I think most of my therapists, with the exception of DBC, were around the same socioeconomic class I was raised in and might still qualify as a member of. No. 2 offhandedly referred to her children's nanny a few times. No. 1 claimed she was poor, not mentioning she had just sold her house for almost a million dollars.

So it hasn't been an issue for me but I think it's pretty legitimate to feel that way. Financial security gives you a totally different way of looking at the world--I had some financial concerns last year, recovering now, and it was impressive how insecure I suddenly felt about everything. Even though it's okay now, I still worry.

Argo--just tell 'em you do dishes by hand because of your concern for the environment. There's more than one way to make a beaver eat fish.

[Myrto]

My ex T is insanely wealthy. Her husband is a lobbyist, she lives in the most expensive part of my town, her kids used to go to a super expensive private school. She's loaded.
At the time I was seeing her, I had money problems since I was between jobs for some time. She could not relate AT ALL. Like it was almost offensive how clueless and in her bubble she was being whenever I talked about money.
For instance she would suggest for me to do activities, travel, go back to college, etc. And I was like: how am i going to pay for this??
So I stopped talking about it. But I had some resentment for the way she handled things.
So I completely understand where you're coming from with your therapist.
My current T is alright financially I think but she's not super wealthy either.
Differences in terms of finaces don't make me feel inferior, I just think sometimes therapists can't relate and it can be an issue.

[MrsDuckL]

Big hugs to you my dear! I'm so sorry you went through that rough period.

Through my research, I've determined my therapist has to have come from money. He dresses modestly, and drives an unimpressive car, and has never made me feel inferior--although I will admit my husband and I do fine financially (neither one of us come from money, though.) I mentioned to my therapist once how my sister in law is on an income based repayment (IBR) plan for her student loans, something I've dealt with quite a bit since I work in finance. My therapist had totally never heard of IBRs and I had to briefly explain what they were. This shocked me since almost every borrower I've seen with a doctorate or with a medical degree is on an IBR for their $100k+ in student loans. (My SIL never finished college, just took out a lot of loans for a non existent degree.) I really wanted to ask my therapist--how much money do you come from that you have a doctorate and seem unfamiliar with student loans?

In researching my therapist I also ran across his home address (hey, I work in finance and look up tax records all the time--I'm not a stalker! Haha.) He has a nicer house than me and lives in a more upscale area of town. But this doesn't really bother me, I wouldn't want to live in his snooty neighborhood anyhow. My therapist also has a second child on the way, I think both children were through surrogates. If my estimates are correct, it had to have cost he and his husband $100k for each kid. (This just makes me sad what same sex couples have to go through for a family.)

I could see this would be a tough subject, and like other biasises I would hope a good therapist would be aware of how they might be perceived and adjust accordingly. Beyond that unfamiliar knowledge with student loans, the money thing has never come up. My Therapist and I share a strong work ethic, and I know that helps me overcome any feelings of inequity.

I don't think my therapist was ever wealthy, but she wasn't lower class.

I don't know. She has a really nice house (I see her in her home office) but that doesn't necessarily mean anything - she could be struggling to pay the mortgage each month for all I know. I hope that's not the case, but who knows.

[ElectricManatee]

My T used to be a state employee, so I knew what she made before, and it was what I would think of as squarely middle class. I don't know what she makes in private practice now, but I do know that we drive nearly identical (non-impressive) cars. I don't think it would bother me if she made more, but maybe that's because my household is decently secure financially. I think she works pretty hard and sometimes does things for me without getting paid (like outside contact), so I don't begrudge her a single penny of her fee.

[annielovesbacon]

I seriously doubt my T is wealthy, she is only a few years out of school and works at my university clinic rather than in private practice. I don't know if I would necessarily be uncomfortable with a wealthy T, but it definitely brings me comfort knowing that my T can relate to me being a college student and struggling with money because she was in the same boat not too long ago.

[Moment]

I don't think my therapist has any serious money worries. But I have no idea, say, what kind of car he drives. Sometimes I wonder how I'd feel if I found out he drove some luxurious car. I always picture him in something like a Honda Accord.

Anyway, I would really urge folks to talk frankly about money, especially any money-related stress, in session. The psychotherapist Ryan Howes wrote about financial stress and how common it is and yet how strangely taboo it is in therapy. Polite people supposedly don't talk about sex, death, religion, and money....but all the stuff that's off limits for polite talk is supposed to be the stuff of therapy.

Even if a therapist seems wealthy now, there's no way of knowing what they could relate to. A doctor who dines out now might have spent her early career eating packs of ramen noodles that cost 25 cents each and worrying about her car payment. Or maybe a therapist is the first in her family to go to college and has close relatives living on disability. There is no way to know unless you talk about it. I even think it's OK to be angry about it. As in, "You have no serious money worries, and yet I do and I have to pay you $100 an hour to talk about it." Life feels super unfair sometimes. And that is all therapy stuff, no?

[RubyRae]

What I said in the original post was the one and only time I ever really felt inferior.I think much of it was because everything happened so suddenly(felt that way),I quit my job,my husband became very sick,we used all our money to keep afloat paying the mortgage,car payments,etc.and then we ran out of money,it was all so unexpected.We would have been fine without my job if he hadn't got sick and off work.

I was feeling so down and out and there my T was,with all his wealth and glory while I was grateful to get expired food from churches and pantries.It was a very humbling experience.

I do believe if I had talked about it my T would have been very comforting and supportive,but I also believe he wouldn't have fully understood what it was like and what I was going through.While he was busy buying a new car and giving his old one away(yes,he gave it away) I was hungry.

[AllHeart]

Because I have Googled my t's house (ha haha), I can see she lives in a modest little home. She drives a Kia. She always dresses very nicely. But I have no idea her financial situation. If she is wealthy, she doesn't flaunt it.

My ex-t was wealthy. Well, her husband was. She kind of had an air about her though never snooty. She drove an expensive car, had 2 beautiful homes, etc. I was never bothered by it because I knew that she lived a life full of struggles. Money didn't buy her a happy heart. Nor did it buy her an ounce of integrity.

[MobiusPsyche]

My T is solidly middle class.

[Lemoncake]

R is the epitome of the British middle class, down to the car he drives. I don't think he's ridiculously wealthy but relatively comfortable. I'm a student and not working at the moment.He lets me pay less than his usual charge per session. Personally I've not felt inferior per se- just the feeling that he'd rather see someone who could afford to pay him more.

[velcro003]

no, my T isn't wealthy. she ran her last car into the ground, and finally found a new car, but now her and her H share the car...with two kids. plus she never takes time off, which i would totally do if i could afford it.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Is Your T Wealthy?

Depends on how you define 'wealthy'.

She has a husband that loves her, a child that look up to her and clients who adore her. Sounds wealthy to me.

[Amyjay]

I don't think my recent t was "wealthy" but she must be pretty well off as she can afford to go on many overseas vacations.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

He's rich in obscure facts, though.

OMG, he totally explained compounding interest last time we spoke. Is that a wealthy person thing to know?

...Or maybe just an in-debt person thing to know...?