[chaotic13]

I had a tough session yesterday and am still feeling the effects today. I feel like I discussed some pretty difficult topics but am left with just more questions and emotional turmoil. I feel frustrated and annoyed with myself. I kind of got the sense that my T is also frustrated and slightly annoyed with me too. Although I felt like I spoke about some deep concerns I have. I’m just not sure if she’s not understanding me, if she completely understands what I am feeling and I am just not receiving her message about how to correct it, or if my situation is just what it is it can’t be improved. The fallout from this session is just consuming all of my cognitive energy and I feel like crap. Although during the session I disclosed a major problem in my marriage, I also said a lot of other stuff that was just more defensive bullcrap than truth. I came off like I don’t have and never did have intense feeling for my husband. In hindsight this isn’t really true, I had them. I just have trouble remembering them and I don’t seem to have them when I need them now. Sorry that probably doesn’t make sense to anyone else. Regardless, the key is I didn’t convey this during my session and ended up talking something really stupid and likely unrelated to what I am really feeling. Now I don’t have another session for 3 weeks and I am desperate to talk about what I’m feeling and process it. I don’t know what I am supposed to do with all the stuff running through my head. I have no one to discuss it with and can’t seem to process it clearly myself. I know some of you have experienced a session like this, what is an appropriate, healthy way for me to work through what I am feeling on my own? I think my T is on vacation next week. I can’t go on with my brain exploding for the next 3 weeks! I know there is stuff I am thinking and experiencing that is important and other stuff that is just more crap and needs to be identified as crap and discarded. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[Perna]

No fair getting "senses" about T's; have to ask them how they're feeling :-) I wouldn't like my T guessing that I feel a certain way so doubt she'd like me doing that to her either.

Write out some of the exploding/crap/stuff? That use to keep me going when my T was away. I'd buy college testing booklets and make them into little "journals", 1 per week. I'd mail them to my T's office at the end of each week. Helped me keep track of time when my T was away and make me feel like I was doing something "useful".

[DePressMe]

I write almost every day to help me get through the thoughts from therapy. I write it in the form of a letter to my T or pdoc explaining what I am thinking and feeling. Sometimes I give to them, sometimes I don't.