I called T today because I just wanted to. He told me on Tuesday, "You know all the reasons you've had for calling me in the past? You can call for any of those, or for anything else." I wanted to tell him about the Lithium thing and to just talk with him a bit. It was the first time I called him in the absence of some sort of crisis or desperation feeling. I was really happy that I was able to do this.... to just call cause I wanted to talk.

He called me back about two hours or so after I left the message. We talked for awhile about the psychiatrist.... I made T laugh hard by saying that finally I found a psychiatrist with excellent people skills, only he sucks at medication. T made some great suggestions on how to approach things with the doctor next week.

Then I told him I had one more question. I said how on Tuesday's session I felt disconnected and he mentioned he felt that way too--- does that mean all is lost? He clarified what he meant by feeling disconnected during the session and assured me that he did not feel that way now--and that all is not lost; we are still connected. He said a lot of difficult thing were brought up in that session. He eluded to the sex conversation, only he didn't dare use the word 'sex' over the phone because he knows I would have come through the phone and killed him. He said that he thinks that it is something that will be really good to talk about (yeah cause he's not the one who has to turn 73 shades of red). He told me he was glad I called. He said, "If you need to, just call me."

Then he goes, "Oh and if I don't talk to you, break a leg on your poetry reading tomorrow night."

I said, "T-- don't tell me to break a leg. You know how I am. I'll end up coming in with a cast next Friday."

Then he said, "Remember-- just think of the 6-foot parrot." (lol, this is something he once said in session to make me laugh... b/c I have 3 parrots and I am always talking about them.... T said, "Picture a 6-foot parrot." and I asked, "Why?" And he goes, "I am not sure. It's just a really funny image..." and it just made me crack up laughing).

Then we said good-bye.

Damn I love him.

[Fuzzybear]

Wow. I think I must be so "bad", no T has ever been there for me like that. But I'm happy for you that you have such a good T!

Fuzzy You deserve to have someone be there for you. There is no such thing as "bad" when it comes to you, in my opinion. But I also know what it's like to feel that way.

[Perna]

I love the 6' parrot!

yeah... me either. Sad thing is that i have a T i feel is a really good guy, but i can't let him in. Can't care and can't let him care. i prevent it.

Pink... do you think the difference is the type of T? Mine is CBT-schema, and we often have mini-debates over my hatred of CBT. i am wondering if maybe his "cognitive focus" is maybe what makes me back up from him. Your T seems to have what i call "the emotional lure" down pat. He lays out an emotional setting for you to join in.

[MissCharlotte]

Awesome.

Damn I love him too (yours and mine!!)

If I had the guts to post it I would post what we talked about yesterday -- but I'm still processing.

I'm so happy you called him and discussed the pdoc situation.

[sunrise]

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gerber said:
Mine is CBT-schema, and we often have mini-debates over my hatred of CBT. i am wondering if maybe his "cognitive focus" is maybe what makes me back up from him. Your T seems to have what i call "the emotional lure" down pat. He lays out an emotional setting for you to join in.

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gerber, it must be very very hard to connect to a T who uses a therapeutic approach you hate. I would think this would throw up a huge barrier to closeness. Is there any way to try a different T who uses a more compatible approach? (I'm remembering in the back of my head that maybe you can't because there are only CBT in your area?)