Seeing my T Wednesday

My t returns from her trip abroad tomorrow evening, and I am scheduled to see her on Wednesday. I don't know how I feel actually. It keeps changing. I guess I'm going to suggest we change our focus from relational work to cognitive work and skill building. I am going to suggest we go back and finish the DBT book we only got 2/3 of the way through - along with revisiting those sections of the book where I still need practice.

I want to keep my emotions about the therapy relationship outside of the therapy room for now. I know that on a gut level, I am feeling intense grief. It's a "letting go" of my much needed, but unrealistic hopes, that my relationship with my t can provide what I need to truly heal. I feel like my hopes for that have finally died, and I am grieving the loss.

I realize that my t would be more than willing to listen to my feelings of grief and try to offer comforting words to help me get through it. But to be honest, I'd rather go through my grief on my own, outside the office. Letting her help me through my grief would be counterproductive, I think, as any kindness/comfort she gave me at this time would only increase my longing to be close to her even more.

I understand the feelings of not wanting to leave them... and keeping emotion out, i am very bad at emotions, it took me 6 months to cry there.

anyway, i hope your session goes well, for sure suggest the book again