[Goldi]

Just left my T. In the session I did tell him details of a few past events, more like a reporter. No emotion. Just the facts. I usually can hardly speak, so I saw this as a good thing. T said he didn't expect me to get it out there.....just blurt it out. Anyway, he asked if I was okay and when I wanted the next appt. one week or two or did I need to think about it. I said to just go ahead and make it next week and he said to call him in a day or two because he didn't think I was ready....Ready for what? To decide if I'm coming back or running away? Or does he want me to have more time for the session to sink in. He did say he wanted me to try and write. I thought I did well today.....now I'm wondering....Any ideas???

[Perna]

The "opposite" extreme isn't much better than our usual one. I don't know that "reporting"/no emotion is preparation for really talking about how you feel/what your heart "think" about it all? I guess he wants you to feel what you talked about and see what comes up. Could be you need a longer period of time to get much "out of" the telling. The telling isn't for your T to hear/know but for you and he to work with. What is "there" to work with? See if you can find yourself/your feelings on what you were talking about then you can talk about them with T that way and that will help.

[Goldi]

Perna,
Thanks for your thoughts. I get what you're saying. Right now of course it seems I have two extremes...completely unemotional or completely silent. I've been numb for so long that I'm not sure I can tell how or if I'm really feeling, much less discuss or express to T. Maybe he's right....maybe I'm not ready....maybe I never will be. I'm just frustrated right now.

[tsha]

Perna
What about calling your t to see why he wants to wait? I ave never heard of that happening.

[sunrise]

Goldi, it is puzzling what your T said. First he asks when you want to schedule, and then when you say next week, he rejects that. Hmmmmm. Looks like he wasn't giving you much of a choice, really. When you do call him back in a couple of days, could you ask him what he meant when he said he thought you weren't ready?

Hey... I'd definitely call your T ask ask directly, "Ready for what?" It's a little puzzling.

I can definitely empathize with you in regards to the reporter thing. I always tell T that I talk about myself like I'm a case study-- I talk about things like they happened to someone else. It is rare that I attach emotion to what I'm saying... and when I do.... watch out. lol. The 'reporter' is to avoid the hurt, you know? And if you're too scared to talk because you know you can't do it without attaching the emotion, then you don't talk at all... believe me, I know.

Take care.

[RACEKA]

I talk about past abuse the same way, with no emotion. My T says that's why we have to integrate. I've separated myself from feelings & emotions for so long I need to put it back together.

He explains it better than me.

He has me continue to tell my story.