[alpacalicious]

Before starting therapy (so nearly 1 month ago now!) I was in the midst of a depressive episode, I was thinking about suicide every day for different reasons. I found my therapist quickly and without waiting this time, and I hanged on because of this. At first I thought, no I cant kill myself now that i'm in therapy, if I kill myself my therapist will never know this since he doesn't know my family or my social circle...so if I disappear, he wont be able to find me.
And even now, I like him as a therapist, I trust him and these days I thought about hurting myself or end my life for example, but I thought about him and it's like I'm staying alive because of him.
I know I should stay alive for myself but it's hard right now...so I'm holding onto him. I dont know if this is a common thing...I dont want to be too dependant, but to be honest he's the only reason Im not killing myself (another reason is that I dont want to leave my cat alone xD).

[Inner_Firefly]

How great that you took action to make sure you stay alive. This is wonderful that you have your cat and your therapist counting on you to be there. I did the same thing, any reason to live is a good thing. So sorry things are hard right now. Wishing you the all best!

[ElectricManatee]

I think you are wise to hold onto anything you can. I have faith that eventually you will get back on your feet and realize that you want to stay alive for yourself. But until then, I'm glad you have a therapist and a cat who care about you.

[Victoria'smom]

Holding on to anything you can think of is a good thing. You are needed.

[alpacalicious]

I feel a bit like a loser because my only good memories right now are from therapy. I don't have good memories with friends, family, I really don't have a social circle right now (except for my family and a few acquaintaces that I rarely see). So I feel like a loner and it's my fault because I'm too avoidant. When I feel bad I think about moments in therapy and I feel affection towards him, I even start giggling or smiling.

[Nammu]

If this is what you need to hold on, use it. Best of luck regaining you equilibrium and being alive because life is worth living.

I have felt very similar to how you describe yourself. I am a little better now but I still think about suicide several times a day. When I told my therapist, I asked her to think of herself as a palliative care nurse in terms of her care for me. MI is less visible than cancer but can be just as serious. I read a great post about it on here somewhere. How society views death from different causes. Be well.

[mostlylurking]

From your other posts, I think that social anxiety has been a barrier to you connecting with people for some years, but you are already forming a good bond with your T.

Suppose you think of it this way? You've recently made a good, authentic connection where you've been brave enough to be yourself. Sure he's a T, and every relationship is different, but this authenticity you have with him is a beginning. If the social anxiety lessens and you're more able to be yourself, you're sure to develop more such authentic relationships. So it's not only your T that is giving you a reason to live, but that he represents the prospects for a more connected life in the future.

I would also note that you're making connections here.

[East17]

I'm hanging on for other people rather than myself too. I guess it doesn't matter what the reason is, just that you are holding on trying to her through the bad times. I wish you well.

[East17]

Originally Posted by East17

I'm hanging on for other people rather than myself too. I guess it doesn't matter what the reason is, just that you are holding on trying to her through the bad times. I wish you well.

`get through the bad times ' that should have read!