I don't know if some of you know, but my therapist and I had gotten into habit of me sharing nude pictures (some even quite pornographic) of myself. That's not really the point of this post, though it ties in to some of the feelings I am having, for sure!

The point is that I'm having a hard time because a recent ex boyfriend came back into my life and is wreaking havoc all over the place. I've been single for five years and didn't want someone coming in and messing up what I've worked so hard for. This ex boyfriend is extremely emotionally manipulative and abusive, and yet I can't seem to stay away from him either. His personality even reminds me of my therapist's, a bit.

Anyway, things imploded yesterday with my ex-boyfriend and we got in a giant fight. I told him to leave. He's been staying at my house, using up my expenses, "looking for a job." He says horrible things to me. But then later on in the day, he is sugary and sweet. Both of us feed off the other, but I realize I can't do it. I haven't been eating, sleeping, or even been very functional since the ex has been back in my life. I've missed work and have had to load up on benzos just to get up out of bed in the morning.

I sent my therapist a text yesterday explaining how hard of a time I was having, and guess what? No ****ing response. So this morning I sent a text back stating: "Ok well I guess if i'm having a hard time in the future i will just text my mother. thanks for your support, it's extremely appreciated."

I doubt he will respond to that either. I assumed that he would be more receptive to me since sharing those scandalous photos while in session (and he certainly seemed more in tune to me during those times), but now? He's not giving me anything. That's not ****ing fair. I thought you're supposed to reach out to your therapist in a time of need. I guess not??? I wasn't even asking anything from him this time except just some validation and comfort. I haven't texted him all crazily like that in at least over a year. Even HE expressed that I was doing better? What the ****.

Well this asshole better be careful because I have tons of evidence that I can use to report him with. It's in his best interest to respond to me. Ugh. Either way, I'm surrounded by assholes and perverts. I thought initially that's what I wanted, but now I see life is better spent being left alone in my room in the quiet. Men are terrible.

Your therapist hasn't been a therapist to you since he started using you to get his jollies with your nude photos. You seem to keep running back to the men in your life who abuse you. I hope you can completely separate from your abusers and seek help where true help can be found. It won't be with that therapist or your ex.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Your therapist hasn't been a therapist to you since he started using you to get his jollies with your nude photos. You seem to keep running back to the men in your life who abuse you. I hope you can completely separate from your abusers and seek help where true help can be found. It won't be with that therapist or your ex.

Well he texted back now stating that he was having "phone issues." Right. So plausible. And that he happens to have a 7:00 (last session of the day) ready for me tonight, if I want it. So convenient. Ugh!

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by winenot3

I don't know if some of you know, but my therapist and I had gotten into habit of me sharing nude pictures (some even quite pornographic) of myself. That's not really the point of this post, though it ties in to some of the feelings I am having, for sure!

The point is that I'm having a hard time because a recent ex boyfriend came back into my life and is wreaking havoc all over the place. I've been single for five years and didn't want someone coming in and messing up what I've worked so hard for. This ex boyfriend is extremely emotionally manipulative and abusive, and yet I can't seem to stay away from him either. His personality even reminds me of my therapist's, a bit.

Anyway, things imploded yesterday with my ex-boyfriend and we got in a giant fight. I told him to leave. He's been staying at my house, using up my expenses, "looking for a job." He says horrible things to me. But then later on in the day, he is sugary and sweet. Both of us feed off the other, but I realize I can't do it. I haven't been eating, sleeping, or even been very functional since the ex has been back in my life. I've missed work and have had to load up on benzos just to get up out of bed in the morning.

I sent my therapist a text yesterday explaining how hard of a time I was having, and guess what? No ****ing response. So this morning I sent a text back stating: "Ok well I guess if i'm having a hard time in the future i will just text my mother. thanks for your support, it's extremely appreciated."

I doubt he will respond to that either. I assumed that he would be more receptive to me since sharing those scandalous photos while in session (and he certainly seemed more in tune to me during those times), but now? He's not giving me anything. That's not ****ing fair. I thought you're supposed to reach out to your therapist in a time of need. I guess not??? I wasn't even asking anything from him this time except just some validation and comfort. I haven't texted him all crazily like that in at least over a year. Even HE expressed that I was doing better? What the ****.

Well this asshole better be careful because I have tons of evidence that I can use to report him with. It's in his best interest to respond to me. Ugh. Either way, I'm surrounded by assholes and perverts. I thought initially that's what I wanted, but now I see life is better spent being left alone in my room in the quiet. Men are terrible.

I PM's you.

I'd find a new therapist. He's exploiting you and you deserve better.

He shouldn't ask to see those photos. I'd forget waiting for him to make up his excuses and lies and report him. He's taken advantage of you and shouldn't be in a position where he can do that to you or anyone else. It's people like him that damage people more rather than help.

Your T shouldn't be allowed near vulnerable people. The fact he knows about the trouble you've had with your ex speak to his character, he wants what he wants from you, and isn't willing to be there when you genuinely need to call upon him. You're no one's second best!

Originally Posted by winenot3

Well this asshole better be careful because I have tons of evidence that I can use to report him with.

Make lots of backups of that evidence. That you expect this "therapist" to suddenly conduct himself professionally after what has already passed between you is laughable. His career now in your hands.

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Make lots of backups of that evidence. That you expect this "therapist" to suddenly conduct himself professionally after what has already passed between you is laughable. His career now in your hands.

I straight up have recordings of him asking to see my photos and talking about my body in explicit detail. Though, not sure if those would hold up in court, considering that I recorded our sessions without his consent. I'm not even saying I'm going to report him, but I have all this **** documented...just in case.

What's your position on blackmail?

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

What's your position on blackmail?

I don't like doing it, and would only do it if I absolutely had to.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by winenot3

I don't like doing it, and would only do it if I absolutely had to.

I hate to be redundant, but this relationship has crossed a line that must never be crossed in a therapist/client relationship. I'm unclear about your motives for continuing to work with this person, but by reporting him, you would be doing a public service. It's quite possible that since he has crossed the line with you, he is quite likely to be crossing the line with other clients. Reporting him would not only be empowering for you, but would serve to protect other clients he may be exploiting (current and future).

Originally Posted by winenot3

I don't like doing it, and would only do it if I absolutely had to.

Rather than resort to such games, terminate with this therapist and, if you desire, start official reporting proceedings against him. It is time to disentangle yourself from that web of abuse and manipulation.

[Myrto]

You're surrounded by assholes and perverts because you choose to surround yourself with people like that.
Sorry that's harsh but it's the truth: you ran back to your therapist even if he's clearly completely unethical. You should report him and leave him.
And stop choosing awful men in the future.

Originally Posted by Myrto

You're surrounded by assholes and perverts because you choose to surround yourself with people like that.
Sorry that's harsh but it's the truth: you ran back to your therapist even if he's clearly completely unethical. You should report him and leave him.
And stop choosing awful men in the future.

Easier said than done. And honestly I'm wondering if I should even vent here anymore. I guess I already know what people are going to say, so what's the point in even talking about it? Obviously I make bad choices, but so do a lot of other people. I'm not trying to complain, but just trying to make myself feel better. I know analyzing things does nothing and action is what it's all about, and that's what I've always had trouble with. If it were so easy to drop all these negative men/people in my life, then I would. Until you know what it's like in my shoes, I'd appreciate people refraining from judgment.

[missbella]

WN, these people helped me in aftermath, and I'm certain they've helped with separations as well. TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line
(I wouldn't necessary define my therapy as exploitation or abuse, more like a mangled collision. )

Though my mind says good riddance there's still an emotional piece of me that thinks I was "disobedient" for leaving the scene of the destruction. Psych providers had little insightful literature on my experience, so I've read about traumatic bonding and cults.

Breakin' up is hard to do. But I'm so glad I got out.

[atisketatasket]

I know from recent personal experience that when it is very hard to set a boundary with someone - like breaking up with an abusive partner or defining roles with a therapist - it is enormously hard to say no the first time, and harder still to keep on saying it.

But it's also worth it.

Forget a complaint, doesn't sound like you have the energy for that right now, you have time for that later. Put the energy into finding a non-predatory therapist and changing the locks on your door when the ex is out instead.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by winenot3

Easier said than done. And honestly I'm wondering if I should even vent here anymore. I guess I already know what people are going to say, so what's the point in even talking about it? Obviously I make bad choices, but so do a lot of other people. I'm not trying to complain, but just trying to make myself feel better. I know analyzing things does nothing and action is what it's all about, and that's what I've always had trouble with. If it were so easy to drop all these negative men/people in my life, then I would. Until you know what it's like in my shoes, I'd appreciate people refraining from judgment.

I'm not judging, as I've been drawn to my share of unhealthy people in the past. But if you're noticing similarities between your ex and your T, then it seems you're drawn to those types of people, for whatever reason. By seeing a T who fits in that category, it won't help you figure out why you're drawn to people like that and how to be drawn to people who are healthier for you. If you see a T who is very different from who you're seeing now, I think it could help you. It can be easy to stay with what you're familiar with, because you know what to expect. You need someone (a therapist) who can make you examine why you're drawn to certain types--maybe something from childhood or from other life experiences--and can help you figure out how to connect with people who will respect you and won't use you (thinking of both your ex and your T here).

As for your experience texting your T, what is his general policy on texting? Some T's are fine with getting texts, but won't respond except in an emergency (or for scheduling), so maybe that's the case with him? Mine responds to texts and e-mails that are more urgent, but I know some T's just have a no-response policy.

[precaryous]

WN,

Your exT asking to make you the last patient of the day is another red flag of an abusive therapist. Happened to me, too.

I also agree with lolgrace that this man stopped being a T to you a long time ago. IMO, he has crossed the line again and again which prevents him from being an objective T.

In regard to you, perhaps, becoming involved with unavailable, abusive partners...is it possible this is a repeat of a pattern in your life? Is it possible it is the main way you have learned to relate to men...maybe starting as early as childhood?

Not a judgement...just an exploration.

I hope you continue to vent here. Use whatever support, suggestions and insight you find here that applies or is helpful and look past the rest.

[divine1966]

Men are not terrible but the ones you go for are.

What i think you need is a real therapist so you can start exploring why you go for these men and how to break this pattern. There must be a reason you go for these men.

I am not judging you as I've been there too, going for wrong men. I started therapy to help me figure it out. But it has to be not someone who wants to see your naked picture. I mean real therapist

Stop seeing this so called therapist

Also kick your ex out, call the police if you must. No reason for exes to live in your house. Start making the decisions tomorrow

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by winenot3

Easier said than done. And honestly I'm wondering if I should even vent here anymore. I guess I already know what people are going to say, so what's the point in even talking about it? Obviously I make bad choices, but so do a lot of other people. I'm not trying to complain, but just trying to make myself feel better. I know analyzing things does nothing and action is what it's all about, and that's what I've always had trouble with. If it were so easy to drop all these negative men/people in my life, then I would. Until you know what it's like in my shoes, I'd appreciate people refraining from judgment.

(((winenot3))). I hope you find the strength to make decisions so that you can have more choices for yourself.

If everything was as easy as people say on this forum then there wouldn't be any addictions, etc. I empathize with you winenot3, that life is not easy.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by winenot3

Easier said than done. And honestly I'm wondering if I should even vent here anymore. I guess I already know what people are going to say, so what's the point in even talking about it? Obviously I make bad choices, but so do a lot of other people. I'm not trying to complain, but just trying to make myself feel better. I know analyzing things does nothing and action is what it's all about, and that's what I've always had trouble with. If it were so easy to drop all these negative men/people in my life, then I would. Until you know what it's like in my shoes, I'd appreciate people refraining from judgment.

You're right. I apologize. I shouldn't have been so harsh.
It's just that your "therapist" is clearly awful and the fact that you keep running back to him is hard to understand.

[missbella]

Originally Posted by Myrto

You're right. I apologize. I shouldn't have been so harsh.
It's just that your "therapist" is clearly awful and the fact that you keep running back to him is hard to understand.

The same reason why people blurt out comments they know will be cruel and thoughtless, but say them anyway.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't judge you, but I judge your T based off the things YOU say. If you don't want people to judge your T, then why do you constantly bring up the deplorable things he does?

What would help you in your situation? Just relating? I've been with the wrong men. It's why I avoid men. I don't trust them. I did have to put myself out there to find a partner, but once things ended with someone, I NEVER went back.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I don't judge you, but I judge your T based off the things YOU say. If you don't want people to judge your T, then why do you constantly bring up the deplorable things he does?

What would help you in your situation? Just relating? I've been with the wrong men. It's why I avoid men. I don't trust them. I did have to put myself out there to find a partner, but once things ended with someone, I NEVER went back.

I have girl friends and even sisters who talk constantly about their boyfriends or hookups who treat them horribly. They're always crying and never take my advice and I get so frustrated with that. The guys are losers. Yes, I guess I do it, too. It doesn't make it right. I think from now on I will just stick to using a private blog or Microsoft word document to write my thoughts on. Nobody really wants to hear them, similar to how I don't particularly want to hear my girl friend's kvetch about their trashy dudes. It sucks, and I guess I own up to it. Changes will come when I'm strong enough to make them.

[healed84]

Originally Posted by winenot3

I have girl friends and even sisters who talk constantly about their boyfriends or hookups who treat them horribly. They're always crying and never take my advice and I get so frustrated with that. The guys are losers. Yes, I guess I do it, too. It doesn't make it right. I think from now on I will just stick to using a private blog or Microsoft word document to write my thoughts on. Nobody really wants to hear them, similar to how I don't particularly want to hear my girl friend's kvetch about their trashy dudes. It sucks, and I guess I own up to it. Changes will come when I'm strong enough to make them.

I can not understand how you can write the stuff that you do about your t.. Admit that you know he is not a good t.. And then get pissed at everybody when they really just agreeing with what you already know. The t should know better and he is for sure in the wrong. But please don't come here and ask people to be ok with what your t is doing to you. He is an abusive *** and he needs to be reporter and you need to stop seeing him.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by winenot3

Changes will come when I'm strong enough to make them.

Problem with that is, unfortunately, that the longer you stay stuck in the swamp, the more it leeches your strength away. That's why it's so hard to leave any abusive relationship.