dissociation while driving?

Life has gone very dark for me these last few months, and everything has been a real struggle. As I said in my post last night asking for hello's, T1 is very busy expanding her practice, and is not present like she used to be. T2, long story short, kicked me out without even allowing me a last session, after we had a disagreement about my care plan. T2 was the only place I felt so much love and care, and it's a huge loss. What makes it worse is that she only lives a mile down the road from me, so even my TOWN is a trigger. Will I run into her anywhere? Has she been here? Etc.

So, regarding my reason for posting this.... Just in this last week, I've nearly killed myself or someone else while losing control of my car on the road, twice. I'll be going down a long country road (I had a purpose for going wherever I was going), and it seems like I dissociate...and when I come to, for one example, I was hitting a corner way too fast, ended up skidding through both lanes to regain control, etc. The other time, it seemed "out of nowhere" a car in front of me was stopped to turn left, and I had to swerve through the gravel to avoid hitting this car at 60 mph.

I'm more depressed than I can come up with words for right now, I'm very preoocupied, my mind is FULL of junk constantly. And I feel very alone. So this post is asking about dissociation....for those who have this problem, does it become as serious as this? I'm trying to now avoid longer drives alone, especially after dark, to avoid this.

EEK! I think all of us get "unmindful" while driving sometimes, but we have to keep out of the car when it gets that bad, I think.

Can you talk to someone about all the junk that's distracting you and only get back to driving when your mind calms down? We want you safe.

I have dissociated while driving before. The worst instance of it for me was trying to go pick up dinner from a takeout place. It took me three or four tries to get there, as I kept ending up at other destinations and confused about why I was there. This was during a period of time in which I was not doing well. It still happens sometimes, but I usually catch myself mid process and correct it or the person riding with me will be like "hey your going the wrong way to get there". I've literally driven several million miles over the years, so I assume I am driving safely, obeying traffic laws and watching out for hazards even though I sometimes have no knowledge of pieces of time.

I have therapy twice a week. Seems that's all I've got for now....

Yes, that happens to me. Usually my dissociation while driving involves something like that...I get somewhere, but sometimes don't' recall bits and pieces of GETTING there. But I've always been safe.

Hugs, I'm sorry you're struggeling so much.

I don't have any advice... Just know that this is exactly the reason I don't drive anymore, you're not the only one...

I hope you feel better soon.

Excessive anxiety can lead to this type of dissociation. Have you tried an antidepressant?

I've been on just about every antidepressant out there. I'm not on anything now. My anxiety IS really high, and after a fight, I did just last week get my doctor to put me back on Xanax. I typically only take it at night before I go to bed. I will say, these periods are NOT Xanax related, because I hadn't picked it up yet when I've had these episodes.

I am feeling horribly hurt and abandoned by T2, and that is my biggest crap in my head right now

I'm sorry that you're going through so much right now, and adding the driving issues to that - that's really scary. Yikes.

Do you ever talk to yourself/your parts? Awhile ago, I noticed that I was having a weird problem when driving - I would get very, well, unskilled. Like, it took a lot of effort and concentration to keep the car going straight and to stay in my own lane, which is obviously not normal for me. When I thought about it, I realized that it felt very much like when I was a teenager, first learning to drive, when you still have to pay attention to *everything* because it's all new.

When I feel like that, I actually go through an internal dialog with myself. First, I ask my brain to please make sure that the "most adult part of myself" is in control and driving. Then, I very purposefully remember the last time I had a car accident, and what a pain it was. It was incredibly stressful... my car was in the shop for nearly a month, I was stressed about getting my car back, I had to go to the chiropractor a couple times to get my neck straightened out, and dealing with the insurance always sends my stress levels through the roof. The accident wasn't my fault - but the amount of stress was *enormous*, and something that I'd prefer to NOT repeat. I think through that, remind my brain of that, and point out that by having the most adult part drive, we can reduce the risk of having to go through anything like that again.

If you feel resistance from smaller parts, you can add some reassurance of something fun you might do when you get home safely, if that works for you.

I don't know if it will work for you, but it's helped me - it's subtle, not a big dramatic change, but over the course of a couple minutes, I get to feeling more "normal".

The other thing that struck me... most of the time, from what I've heard, when we dissociate, our brain is acting to protect us. Someone, a long time ago, posted about asking their therapist if they were worried when she left sessions dissociated, and the T was't, because they felt like their brain would work to keep them safe when driving.

But, it sounds like that's not happening for you. You mentioned being severely depressed...



Like I said, I'm sorry if that adds to your stress/worries, it's not my intention. But please, please if you can - talk to the T that you're still seeing, and see if you can talk through this (if you think it might be an issue). And, if you think it's a particular part and you can talk to that part about why this isn't a good idea, that might help too.

*hugs* I hope things get better for you soon. I know it sounds like a cliche, but please do what you can for self-care - be patient and nice to yourself and if there's anything you can think of that sounds relaxing and nice, please indulge a little Hang in there...

nearly everyone does it at some point
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highway_hypnosis

Yeah, I was going to suggest highway hypnosis, too. As starry night pointed out, it's not uncommon.

I would say that your level of stress can cause all kinds of issues--memory, attention, mood. I've had bad patches when I've ended up in the middle of an intersection, going on red, thinking it was green, and other traffic/car issues. I don't think it matters why, so much as noticing that it's a problem and doing things to be present and mindful.

I'm sorry you lost your good therapist. Is that certain? From what I recall, the clinic dropped you because you kept canceling your appointment with your therapist (sorry if I got that wrong). Is there someone who can mediate between you and the clinic to get back in? Or maybe you have too much of a disagreement with your therapist about her treatment plan to do that? Either way, I hope you can find some resolution whether you go back or not. Your first therapist has always been toxic for you. I hope you can find better support. You sure deserve it.

i dissociate often throughout the day. Driving definitely gets me i tom that mode and the longer the drive the worse it is. I honestly can’t remember or say if I’ve been close to causing an accident or wetting hurt. I wish I could remember but recently I have stopped at stop signs waiting for the light to turn green. It’s only on certain streets. I dissociate everywhere. I try to focus and pay more attention when I drive due to the circumstances. I notice myself dissociating often at the gym. I try to go there more often to see if if perhaps I get my dose of dissociation there. It’s comforting when it happens so I place myself there. I’ve tried to speak to my T about when I was attending sessions but she paid no mind to it.

I would suggest speaking to your T about it and getting help. I guess it’s a coping skill for us but it can become dangerous.

I used to dissociate while driving too. It's really scary. I have several times driven somewhere and had no memory of how I got there, or ended up somewhere I didn't mean to go. It got so bad that I would get somewhere, not remember it, and then check the bumper of my car to make sure I didn't hit anything (or anyone!) on my way.
Then I found that if I sang while I was driving, for some reason, it kept me focused. So I have several different playlists of songs I know all or most of the words to, and I sing while I drive. I don't dissociate anymore as long as I am singing. Maybe give that a try? If that doesn't work, maybe something you can focus on, like a podcast or audiobook?
And definitely discuss this with you T. Maybe they can help you find a solution.

Often.......

So. Me. Driving reckless, fighting with someone, unhappy with a second "T", and off my medication, me? I'd withdraw from social interaction (driving and all that other people stuff), get enough rest and nutrition so that my head clears and I can maintain a good, strong contact with here and now reality and can visualize myself driving where I need to be without daydreaming or taking mental excursions (endangering the lives of self and others). Check the weather and begin again. I'm just saying. I tell myself, take pills or take action. If it helps do both. Take pictures. Clear your head. Reality changes stay in touch.