Talking to New T about ex T

I have my T appointment coming up in Just over a week and one of the main reasons I went to this T is because I wanted to talk about, make sense of that relationship and let go of exT.

A part of me feels awkward and weird talking to a professional about another professional but I really need to get all this out.
I don’t want T to think I’m slagging the profession off etc.

So I’m just wondering what others experiences are of talking about past relationships with exT’s who feel they have been harmed in some way, to a new T.
I’m just looking for some guidance/advice.
I feel a bit stuck with this situation.

Thanks

I'm in a similar situation, having switched T's because I didn't think my ex-T was helping anymore, but also to help me deal with transference (and likely countertransference) with my marriage counselor (who I am still seeing).

Shortly before I started seeing new T, I found out he used to work in the practice with ex-T and MC! So that made it particularly awkward for me. I was originally going to try keeping ex-T and MC anonymous, but I realized if he worked with them and is still in contact with MC, he'd probably figure out at least who MC is if I shared all the details. So I ended up e-mailing him before our first appointment, telling him who I was seeing, and asking if he still felt comfortable seeing me to address some issues with them. He said he did and stressed that he would keep everything confidential, not just for ethical reasons, but because he understands how important that is.

The first couple sessions, I felt awkward going into much about ex-T and MC, but then by the third session, I started trusting him more (something about him) and just started pouring things out regarding MC and all the stuff going on there. He seemed to really listen and be fairly objective, though he did make a few comments because he knows MC--like when I talked about how much he self-discloses, T was like, "Yeah, he's an open book." (The most awkward was when he referred to MC's late wife by her first name and said, "Has it been that long already?" when I mentioned her passing last December...)

I was afraid he'd be really defensive of MC, not only because he's a fellow T, because also because he used to work with him and seems to be friends with him. But it hasn't really seemed that way. He has provided alternate explanations for some of my interpretations of MC's actions, but, I mean, he does that for my H and other people, too (Like, "maybe they're doing that because of x rather than y.") Like, when MC called me in response to an e-mail at nearly 10 p.m. one night, which I found a bit odd because of the late hour, T said he doesn't get the sense MC has the best awareness of time (seems accurate, in my experience!), so he probably didn't even realize how late it was. At the same time, I don't feel he's defending him so much. Especially in terms of things like boundaries, disclosures, etc.

Granted, my situation is different because I'm more looking for help from T in detaching from MC and am trying to figure out his role in my attachment (rather than being sure he's caused me harm). But as part of that, I've had to be critical of one T to another.

I think a good T should be able to be fairly objective and not automatically defend your ex-T because they share a profession. You could start out with new T by saying something like, "I feel I've been harmed by ex-T and need to work through some of that with you. So I'll have to be critical of ex-T to you, and feel sort of weird about that, because you're also a T. Do you feel comfortable working with this topic?" That way, you get the discomfort out in the open and can see how the T responds. Most likely, it will take multiple sessions to see if it will work out, but if she (or he?) seems immediately uncomfortable with the concept of you criticizing another, then you'll know you should probably find someone else who is comfortable.

OK, that was probably way more information than you needed to know, but hopefully it was somewhat helpful!

My situation is different but thought I would offer my experience. Firat of all, I worl within the mental health field and unfortunately it isn't all that uncommon for clients to talk to T's about negative experiences with other ts. So it shouldn't be an issue.

Secondly, when I consulted with an Emdr T it waa a nightmare. In fact, I decided to not do EMDR because of her. I knew she was somebody my long term T knew from the community and had "heard a lot of good things about nd worked with a lot of complicated clients". I was Leary of giving T details other than EMDR waa not for me. We did end up going into detail. She was very supportive and offered great feedback. And said that there are good T"s and bad T's...sadly EMDR T was the later. We processed it answbenrually I consulted with another EMDR T who is wonderful

I've talked to T a lot about ex-T. She knows I'm not against the profession as a whole because I'm still utilizing therapy and because I respect her. There's a major difference between hating all therapist/putting down the profession, and having a bad experience with a therapist. My T does a pretty good job balancing what she says. If she puts down ex-T too much, I may get defensive and try to stick up for ex-T. But if she isn't empathetic, then I won't feel supported. My T says what happened wasn't a termination, and she reiterates that ex-T was not supportive in the end. She listens to me, and let's me talk about the pain, frustrations and fears. She knows I project some of my fears onto her, but she doesn't take it personally. We both know it's my past not her.

Hi itjustis, I don't really post much but I really wanted to reply to this. I have very recently told my t about my previous therapist. At first it was kind of just a casual question as I wasn't really sure if it was inappropriate. I also worried that she'd defend her colleague and worry about me making complaints about her. She took it very seriously and it's really helped me to realise his behaviour was inappropriate. I've also decided to report him.
I think she took it even more seriously precisely because he is a therapist and should know better. He's also still practicing so there's the concerns about other clients.

I hope you are able to bring this up with your therapist.

Feel free to pm me and I'm happy to talk in more detail about it.

I've found when I bring up prior doctors to new doctors they tend to listen but make no comment.

My current t validates that what I experienced with ex-t was harmful. She is disgusted with my ex-t and has no problem expressing that disgust. She wants/wanted to know what I experienced so she better knows how to help me. She has also told me about a few unethical t's she's had to fire. I think a good t will acknowledge that not all t's are good, and not all are bad. So, hopefully you won't have to feel like you're slagging the profession off.

on my very first session with my current T (and without me prompting this discussion in any way), she said that she metaphorically holds two garbage cans outside her office. One for shite parents say/do to their children, and one for previous therapists. I found that FASCINATING. Another T just putting out there that maybe a previous T may have harmed them?!

I had said nothing to make her think I was affected by a previous T. I am not even sure she knew I had seen a T before. I also have never really been "harmed' by a T, but mostly just ineffectual.

Whenever I've brought up previous T (never by name, because I would hate if she actually knew her), my T hasn't said too much. But, I also don't really have criciticsm. It was more that her style did not mesh with me at all, and I stayed WAY too long.

When I first saw EMDR T we had to work on the damage caused by another T so I was supported on this and that's important.

Thank you all for your replies. I’m very grateful.

T has been practicing for nearly 10 years so I’m guessing she knows not all T’s are as good as they should be.

I mentioned exT briefly at the first appt, so I’m hoping T knows this stuff is coming her way!!

I’ll post about my session and how it goes

Thanks again!