My T gave away my standing appt. :(

I know exactly how you feel. That’s exactly how I felt. You have your slot and to get kicked out of it for someone else is absurd. You shouldn’t have to do the adjusting now. The client that wanted that spot should be the one adjusting and your T should acknowledge that. After that how can a client trust their T. It doesn’t make sense.

The good thing is that you’re valuing yourself. You matter and you shouldn’t have to subject yourself to this this type of action or behavior. Perhaps in the near future you will find a T that you can work with that will value and honor your time.

Some Ts just shouldn’t be in business.

I would tell him that it was not “necessity” that he give your spot to someone else. That you need and deserve that slot, because you cannot do either of the two other times. That if you can’t have your time back, you won’t be able to continue working with him. That if he changes schedules out of “necessity” then you need that slot if you are to continue working with him.

Let us know how things turn out. I hope he understands the situation and gives you your slot back.

That's so awful and frustrating. In your shoes I would probably try to at least talk about it in person before making a firm decision about whether to continue or not, but it's completely understandable that you feel hurt and abandoned by such a bizarre turn of events. I hope you're able to work things out!

Send him the link to this thread!

Anytime that i have called, it was always his voicemail.
what i meant was its the weekend, and i cant reach him via phone/text and even email he will read on monday.

I have sent the email anyway, to get it out of the way.

Can I say how much I *love* this idea!?!?

I'm glad that you got the email out of the way, KrissCross... I hope your T comes to his senses!

I'm going to assume that this new guy said that your time was the only time he could come and your therapist gave him your slot in the interests of getting a new client (and income). I think that makes it worse. Loyalty to his clients should be a big part of his bargain with them. I had 15 years every other Thursday at 2. I really would consider a new therapist in your situation, depending I suppose on his explanation--and it better be good!

Just wow. So wrong.

I second this idea!

My T replied to my email.
He said he was asking me, and he had NOT given my appt away???

can someone please help me....did i misunderstand?

Following is the first email he sent :

" Ironically, I had literally just made arrangements with a different patient who had requested to change our appointment times starting in 2018 to the 10am Wednesday slot that I saw you just selected. So I wanted to ask if you and I might be able to meet on Mondays or Tuesdays at 10am as I had already offered this time on Wednesdays to the other person? I apologize for the inconvenience of asking to reschedule and I want you to know that I am only asking out of necessity and convenience, not because I do not like you or do not want to work with you"

In response to my angry email , he has said

"I did not give away your appointment time. My email was written in the form of a question, asking your permission and if this would work for your schedule. It was not my intention to give an appointment to someone without your confirmation that another time would work for your schedule. I do not know your availability so I was asking, rather than telling you of the possible schedule change"

Did i read his email wrong?

He also said since he sees so many ppl everyweek, he is unable to keep track of who comes at what time.he did acknowledge that we have met regularly at said time every single week but he didnt realize that appt he was asking me to give up was my regular time slot?(appointments are managed online through patient portal)

reason the other client is changing appt is because T is not going to be working on that day anymore, he is cutting down hours starting Jan 2018. I was unaware of this.

Uh oh. Yes, after reading his email, I do think you may have misinterpreted what he said. However, I can see why you took it the way you did... he wasn't very clear.

And I don't believe he doesn't have a clue about standing appointments. That just seems unlikely.

I think OP interpreted the email exactly as I would have. To me it reads -- "Oh shoot! I just now gave your time to someone else! Can you do Monday or Tuesday instead?" He says he had "made arrangements," to me that says, it was a done deal. He also uses the word "necessity" which again sounds like, the other slot is already gone. And by even mentioning that it's not because he doesn't want to work with you, it makes it seem that if you can't reschedule he won't be able to work with you!

It also seems to me his second email has an internal contradiction. On the one hand, he's implying he is giving you precedence over the other client by checking in with you, merely inquiring whether you could switch to Monday or Tuesday -- if that works, if you wouldn't mind. But he would only give you precedence if he remembers it is your usual time. Which he pretends he can't keep track of.

Not trying to catch this guy out, because we all make mistakes, but I think he should own it and make amends. I think he knows he screwed up and wants to soften it by backing down to "I was merely inquiring!"

I agree, I would have interpreted it the same way as MostlyLurking and the OP--that he'd already set up the new patient with your old slot and was asking which of the other two slots you could take. I also agree that it's hard to believe he doesn't realize that was your usual slot...

Are you taking your old slot then?

Hmmm, yeah, his wording was misleading. I can see how in his mind he may well have been "asking", but I can also see how in reading that email it could be assumed he had already given the appointment away. Both interpretations could be taken from the mail. I as a client would have assumed what you did.
I think it is really important to give him feedback about being crystal clear about sensitive matters like that. His ambiguity caused you major anxiety and hurt and it wasn't necessary. If he had been explicitly clear that he was *requesting a change that you were not obliged to give* it would have saved you so much hurt.
I'm sorry he communicated so poorly with you. It wasn't your fault.

Defensive! Omg, what do you have to do, threaten to tell his mommy? Meanwhile, yeah we can start a PC T Hall of Fame, hes the first t who's never heard of a standing appointment. Is he married? Cuz i wonder if that "asking not telling" line works with his wife. Total mansplaining!

I am SO sorry you went thru this. Its not funny. But he is being defensive as hell. He used "ironically" COMPLETELY wrong - its a dead giveaway to his stupid feelings. He needs to apologize for his stupid mistake. He will feel a lot better. If he cant, i dont know what kind of t he can be. If HIS ego cant handle this little prick, how can he support YOUR ego when something challenging happens to you? If he is in denial, is that his solution for you? Id like to see you both talk honestly about how this whole incident made you feel.

“So I wanted to ask if you and I might be able to meet on Mondays or Tuesdays at 10am as I had already offered this time on Wednesdays to the other person? I apologize for the inconvenience of asking to reschedule and I want you to know that I am only asking out of necessity and convenience,...”

What this reads to me: I went ahead and gave away your regular time slot so can you do Monday or Tuesday instead? But hey, we’re still good!

Ugh.

i actually dont see where he is asking me or indicating that wed. slot is mine or still open.
i highlighted the parts saying that wed. slot is gone.

he ASKED me can we meet mon. or tues.
Wed. was not an option.

maybe it was to be read between the lines and i missed it.
i took every word literally.

i am assuming that the other client has now picked another slot.
he has not cancelled my appts for jan. 2018. I think after my emotional outburst he will let me keep my time slot.
i will be seeing him next week to discuss this further.

I would not even go back to finish off the year. He clearly does not care or he would have discussed it with you. But that is just me.

Here's what I think really happened. I think he worded that first email in such a way that he thought he was conveying that you had an option while also discouraging you from taking it. In short, I think he was being manipulative and sneaky. I think it's possible for him to have intended to offer you a choice but to have been so invested in your choosing one option that he phrased it in an ambiguous way. Jmo.

thats it! Thats "manglish"!

It sounds to me like he didn't really think about how his email would read to you.

It would not be a deal breaker for me; I hope your in person discussion goes well. Email can leave a lot to be desired.

I would have read it the same way to be honest.

This is what I think too.